whichwayisup Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 She's so doom and gloom all the time though! She says how they won't like her anyways because she doesn't get along with girls. Or if they are under 18 they really aren't worth her time. She doesn't give anyone a chance. If she was doing something constructive that would be different but I don't call sitting in the dark playing video games and texting constructive! A few days ago you were posting that she was hanging out with you, following you around too much and being your shadow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 All i can say is : Ding ding ding! Winner winner, chicken dinner!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I'm sensing what it is is that she sees this girl, this girl who is / was not like her growing up, and she wants to change her into that. She see's that she is different, and she thinks that its not okay, and that she MUST have the same experiences growing up as the OP did. This is the impression that I get too. It's normal for teenagers to have cliques. Just because there is someone her age nearby, that doesn't mean she will get along with them or want to. I love her "making friends with Zelda" comment that she made. That's funny. She reminds me of me at that age. And I don't understand why it's so hard to believe that she has a boyfriend. Since when does "I don't want to play with the neighbours" = single? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Take her to the library and let her get a book and make her read it out on the patio for at least one hour a day if it's sunny. Make it be her dad's rule though. She can live with that. Also don't complain that she trails behind you if you go somewhere. Talk to the girl and walk side by side. Be the adult. And if you don't want to bother to form a good relationship with her then quit complaining if she has no time for you or doesn't want to listen to any suggestion that you have for her. She invited you to watch tv. You said no. That pretty much sums it all up right there... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Why doesn't your husband make MORE time to BE WITH his daughter? Like - DOING things WITH her? HE is her parent, not you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Wow TONS of threads you've started that mainly states your husband sucks and your stepdaughter sucks. Why are you still with him when you are so unhappy with him? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 If there's a kid your age in your neighborhood don't you want to try and make friends with them?! No, they don't. Not any more. Kids either meet people because they're put in classes together or they meet people online. That's it. If you want her to meet the girl, have a block party and ask the neighbors to bring their daughter. That said, my DD had a time limit on electronics growing up. For high schoolers, on weekends and summer, it was 2 hours a day. The rest of the day, she was responsible for finding something to do - books, art, crafts, skateboarding, biking, hiking. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Everytime I leave the house she comes with me! We have gone to lunch and shopping for hours at a time. It would be nice if she would have people her own age though. All we are asking her to do is say hi to the girl. Our houses are so close together that this other girl was sitting on her patio, almost waiting for SD to say hi, but SD would not step outside to just say hi! So why didn't you walk over there with your SD, since she goes everywhere with you, and introduce them and stay there and talk to the parents so the kids have no choice but to get to know each other? Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 No, they don't. Not any more. Kids either meet people because they're put in classes together or they meet people online. That's it. If you want her to meet the girl, have a block party and ask the neighbors to bring their daughter. That said, my DD had a time limit on electronics growing up. For high schoolers, on weekends and summer, it was 2 hours a day. The rest of the day, she was responsible for finding something to do - books, art, crafts, skateboarding, biking, hiking. Why would you put a time limit on something they legitimately enjoy doing. Again I can only reason you do it because " that's not what I did as a kid, they need to have the same experience I did " 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Why would you put a time limit on something they legitimately enjoy doing. Again I can only reason you do it because " that's not what I did as a kid, they need to have the same experience I did "Then you would be wrong. Why? Because there is more to life than sitting behind a screen instead of living a life where you interact with people IRL, spend time outside (there IS a biological reason for getting sunlight), learn how to navigate life by being in situations where you have to use your brain to figure out situations so you can use that learning when you're an adult and actually HAVE to get out of your room and get a job and make such decisions, and move your body so you don't become like Wall.e and become a part of the worldwide childhood obesity epidemic that has come about precisely BECAUSE kids spend 10 hours a day behind the screen. Ask my DD23 if I tried to make her live my life. I didn't. I just set high expectations for her to experience more than a computer/phone screen. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Then you would be wrong. Why? Because there is more to life than sitting behind a screen instead of living a life where you interact with people IRL, spend time outside (there IS a biological reason for getting sunlight), learn how to navigate life by being in situations where you have to use your brain to figure out situations so you can use that learning when you're an adult and actually HAVE to get out of your room and get a job and make such decisions, and move your body so you don't become like Wall.e and become a part of the worldwide childhood obesity epidemic that has come about precisely BECAUSE kids spend 10 hours a day behind the screen. Ask my DD23 if I tried to make her live my life. I didn't. I just set high expectations for her to experience more than a computer/phone screen. But you are coming at it from YOUR own prism in this. I'm a pretty good example to use for this one. I've played video games pretty much my entire life. Were talking a good 60% of my overall existence has been inside playing games. I'm no wall-e character. I also believe constant stimulation of the mind have made my wit sharp and my processing fast. Actually.... upon reading your post for a third time, nothing you actually listed is impeded by playing video games all day. Like I said, I did, and I'm a pretty normal human being with a job that requires quite a bit of thinking, and I know how to interact with people. So.... What is the big deal? I still think its because you feel they need to learn the way that you learned, and no other way is acceptable or successful. Sometimes you just have to let your "children" (some where between 14 - 16 ) make their own decisions as to what they are going to do for fun in their spare time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 So...you play your video games while you're walking through the park and learning about and enjoying nature? You're playing your video games while you're rollerblading? You're playing while you're at the neighborhood block party? You're carrying on a conversation with your family member while talking to your fellow gamers (i.e. looking them in the eye and actually talking back and forth)? The key here is what you said: what they are going to do for fun in their spare time How much 'spare time' do you think people need in relation to time spent with art, nature, humans, physical activity, school, work, books, conversations, raising kids, having pets, and the millions of other things humans could be doing? Do you think it's a life well spent if said person, at say the age of 40, has spent 5 of a typical 6 spare hours each day (not working/eating/driving/doing chores) behind a screen and not experiencing anything else in life? From the age of 20 to 40, that would be 36,000 hours out of 43,000 possible free hours spent playing a game while forsaking everything else. And that doesn't even go into if you get married (sorry honey, maybe we'll talk tomorrow, I got a game to get to) or heaven forbid kids (sorry kids, maybe dad'll teach you how to ride your bike tomorrow; he's busy). Hey, if that floats your boat, if that's all you want to say you have to show for your 20 years, go for it. Doesn't keep me from thinking it's a sad way to waste the only life you get. And doesn't keep me from trying to show other people what they'd be missing. And sure won't keep me from telling parents they shouldn't be allowing their kid to be stuck behind a screen their entire childhood. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 (edited) I think the girl is playing video games all day because both the father and step-mother are out of the house working all day and she doesn't know what else to do. OP mentioned that she would be playing games while home alone. I'm wondering what she can actually do while home alone? Is there public transportation nearby so she can get out and about? Is it possible to drop her off at a mall in the morning and give her a key so she can come home when she's done? Since she's got a 2 week visit coming up, would she be able to have a friend visit with her for a weekend? She would be more likely to get out and meet people if she has a friend with her. Edited June 28, 2014 by SpiralOut Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted June 29, 2014 Author Share Posted June 29, 2014 No, they don't. Not any more. Kids either meet people because they're put in classes together or they meet people online. That's it. If you want her to meet the girl, have a block party and ask the neighbors to bring their daughter. That said, my DD had a time limit on electronics growing up. For high schoolers, on weekends and summer, it was 2 hours a day. The rest of the day, she was responsible for finding something to do - books, art, crafts, skateboarding, biking, hiking. She doesn't WANT to even try and meet anyone. If we had a block party she'd say how boring it was and sit in her room. If we told her to come next door while we talk to the neighbors she's say no and sit in her room. SHe's bored and all she wants to do is sit in her dark room and complain on how bored she is until we give in and take her to the mall. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 Well, as I've said before, you ARE the adult, so you DO have some leeway in terms of just saying 'ok, we're going outside, out of the room.' That said, at that age it is harder, especially with stepparents, when long-time traditions and rules aren't as clear. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 Now, as far as her saying "I'm bored," I got that too from DD23 at that age. My response? "Oh well. You have access to books, sports, nature, music, cards, crafts, and plenty else. It's your choice to choose to be bored. Let me know if you want me to do any of that stuff with you." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted July 6, 2014 Author Share Posted July 6, 2014 Wow TONS of threads you've started that mainly states your husband sucks and your stepdaughter sucks. Why are you still with him when you are so unhappy with him? Till death do us part baby...till death do us part! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 6, 2014 Share Posted July 6, 2014 Till death do us part baby...till death do us part! Never mind - won't make any difference anyway... Carry on. Nothing will change because you don't plan to change a thing. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatGirl213 Posted July 6, 2014 Share Posted July 6, 2014 I actually feel a little sorry for the SD. Because she thinks you would kiss the floor she walks on and here you are resenting her. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 Till death do us part baby...till death do us part! You need to draw the line somewhere. If you are complainy and miserable, not enjoying your married life much, arguing and fighting with your husband, feeling sad/bad/upset/anger more than you feel happy and at peace, then there's something REALLY wrong. Nobody should 'settle' for such crap. Everybody goes through ups and downs but not to this extent. It's your life so stay married but just know that nothing will ever change. You are who you are and your H is who he is. Learn to compromise and communicate together, try 'listening' to one another. It also takes TWO to make a marriage work. It must be so tiring to be the one to do everything and your H sits on his glory a.ss wanting to be the King. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mapper71 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Share Posted July 7, 2014 Never mind - won't make any difference anyway... Carry on. Nothing will change because you don't plan to change a thing. Yuppers...you are right!! Nothing WILL ever change and I WILL carry on ranting. And I will continue having people rant right back at me! Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 That happens, when you have a glib answer to everything instead of being vulnerable and open to learning something new. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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