The Broken Engagement Post: GIGS?

[theexfiance]

Good morning everyone,

 

I'd like to begin by saying that this is my first post here. Although I've read through the G.I.G.S post and seen the stories of others here on the site. I'm sharing my story, not so that I can obtain answers or just to hear what I want to hear, but instead because I think it will be a cathartic experience for me. The community seems very supportive and I'm happy to be a part of it. I apologize for the length of this post in advance.

 

Here goes...

 

My ex-fiance and I have been great friends since high school. I'm currently 23 and she just turned 21. In our high school days, we were inseparable. We went everywhere together and could talk for hours about nothing. It was young love personified. However, one day during high school her father suddenly passed. It was a very traumatic experience for her. I did my best to be her friend and I think that as a result of his death we became even closer. At the time, she was 16 and I had just turned 18. One night on her driveway, we kissed and she shivered violently. It was a very innocent kiss, but we both felt the same way I think. I had never felt so much emotion charged up in one moment.

 

Contrary to how most high school guys would react, I ran. Although I loved my friend very much, I felt that she was too young to carry out a real relationship with me. I also felt that her vulnerability would only serve to complicate the relationship. We didn't talk for three years after that. We would send each other the rare text to follow up on how things were going, but my personal life was in turmoil and I had an instinct that believed it was protecting her.

 

Fast forward to 2012. I'm finishing up college and she had recently finished beauty school. She got in touch with me and insisted that we meet up. The rest, as they say, was history. I saw her and she was even more beautiful than I remembered. We fell madly in love very quickly. She was 19 and I was about to turn 21. After a short 8 months, we were engaged. I was the happiest that I had ever been.

 

Our relationship was turbulent. We had trouble communicating with each other and often, simple conversations about little things blew up into bigger problems. She suffered from a medical issue that caused her a lot of pain and I supported her through getting off of the medications, nights spent crying, etc. I had also found out that she had been raped in high school shortly after our friendship was put on hold (prior to this she cut and suffered from depression). Admittedly, I felt very guilty. I told her that I would never leave her side again. However, after getting past the hurdles of her medical problems and her sexual history, it really felt like we hit our stride.

 

Retrospectively, I noticed that she pushed me to make a lot of decisions I wasn't sure we were ready for.

 

We were both very hard working, had ambitious goals, and set out to conquer them together. I went into a graduate program and she continued working on growing her salon business. We started out in small apartments and eventually this last year set our sights on renting our first home. These all sound like positive things...

 

However, she was obsessed with owning animals. Obsessed. We must have gone through 4-6 dogs in our time bouncing from apartment to apartment. It was really quite the mess. I was stressed beyond belief. Young puppies cry, poop, pee, destroy furniture etc. When you're in grad school and trying to maintain a relationship this is a recipe for disaster. I started becoming very angry and bitter toward her for her lack of responsibility and it caused us to fight a lot.

 

She was also a very messy person. Extremely. I used to joke that being with her was like dating a guy. I loved her attitude and she was absolutely gorgeous and fit in the beginning, but I'll admit that we both got comfortable and started letting ourselves go. Still...even after working so hard to give her the dogs, house, backyard, car (in her name, due to my bad credit) etc. she never stepped up to take care of some of the other responsibilities (cleaning up after the pets, washing dishes, doing laundry once in a while). To be clear, I didn't expect her to do all of this all of the time, but I was working 40 hours a week and I was in school full-time. I was lucky if this happened once a month. It was emotionally draining.

 

She also liked to take spontaneous trips and spend money we didn't have. My loans were costing me a fortune and she felt like the 10k that was sitting in my bank account at the beginning of every semester was simply disposable income. We did some pretty incredible things together, so it was sometimes easy to overlook all of these glaringly obvious faults.

 

Plus our sex life was pretty great once we worked past her trauma. Although she almost never initiated. As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that it felt like she was always in control of everything. Our sex life, our financial decisions, our emotional status. She had pushed me very hard early on about the engagement. She had made her intentions clear and despite my uncertainty I wanted to trust this girl that I saw as the love of my life.

 

We were engaged for two years (throughout my graduate school experience). We both seemed like homebodies. Neither of us liked to party or drink, we rarely went out with friends. We just seemed to enjoy each other's company and it was never an issue.

 

Suddenly, toward the end of grad school while I was finishing up my thesis, she seemed tired and distant. I assured her that it was just a matter of getting over the final hump and she seemed excited about us getting through this and beginning our lives.

 

I graduated and I just don't think it was what she expected. I was still feeling stressed out and recovering from 12-14 hour days. We kept fighting and I kept sucking the enjoyment out of things. Things came to a head. After a week of "I love you and I want to work this out" one second and "I need a break I'm staying at my mom's the next," everything exploded.

 

She turned 21 on June 1st. The night before her birthday she went out with some friends for a girls night. I got a text that night and she invited me to have a drink with her. I said, "No, that's okay enjoy your girls night." She was furious. I couldn't understand why. I was under the impression that we had agreed that the day of her birthday would be my day (her bachelorette party was going to be the following weekend). She stayed the night at her friends. I eventually convinced her to come home and everything seemed okay the next day.

 

During the week she left for her moms, came back, said yes, said no, and finally after not talking for a bit she invited me to come out to her casino weekend, but that Saturday was girls night and that I could only stay until Friday evening (no overnight). Wanting to fix things...I agreed. I drove an hour out there and arrived only to be treated as if though we weren't together. It was crushing, but I gritted my teeth and stayed until I couldn't take it. I left.

 

Sunday she texted me saying "Good morning baby :)" I thought...okay she got a break. Everything is going to be okay. She wanted to go on a date and I decided to take her out to a movie. We saw the movie, she was cuddled up against me the whole time...things seemed okay. We got out of the theater and she was bawling. Hysterically. I couldn't get her to stop crying. She asked to go to her moms.

 

So I go...thinking maybe this had to do with her dads death or something. We get there, she tells us that she has felt heart broken and like she is losing everyone around her for a long time. She looks at me and says that she can't be with me anymore. I was devastated, but I said I understood and I left.

 

In the time since...I've found out that she invited another guy Saturday night during the casino weekend who has feelings for her. Uncharacteristically, she's been drinking, partying, and drunk texting other guys. It felt like she changed over night. She had literally gone from telling me that she loved me and that we could work through things to not wanting anything to do with me in the span of less than 15 days. I was a devoted, hard working guy, who had busted his ass to give her everything...

 

I'm left feeling taken for granted. No worse for the wear I guess, but a bit lost. I've mostly come to terms with what this all is and the things I should do for myself. Aside from settling the lease break and a few bills, I've gone NC. I guess I'm just struggling with the bit about not checking up on her and looking for answers. I'm sure I left out chunks and I apologize if it's not as clear as it is in my mind. If you have any questions just ask.

 

I just feel...jealous, I guess? I was pretty angry at first, but things have sort of mellowed out as I've come to understand these things in my own way. It's just hard. After the break up she kept telling me that she didn't want to see me and was creating distance because I'm the guy she loves. Whatever that means. She also tried the BS of asking me to be her friend and wanting me to be in her life. I just feel confused/used and would like some perspective on all of this.

 

Thanks for reading everyone.

[d0nnivain]

You two have been through a lot together & apart but the stresses tore you apart rather than brought you together.

 

Personally I think 23/21 is too young to get married. Some of the pressures added to your woes.

 

It's sad that a big part of your past isn't going to be part of your future but it is for the best.

 

Good luck.

[bubbaganoosh]

Your a 23 year old young man and were involved with a 21 year old very immature woman who has a huge amount of issues and needs to work on them.

 

The kind of help she needs, you can't provide for her. She needs professional help and the sooner, the better.

 

Now if she was with another guy on that casino night weekend and IMO, more happened then she wants you to know and someone has a guilty conscious about it.

 

Look. At such a young age, you don't need someone with all these problems so chalk it up as a bad experience and move on.

 

In life your going to have bigger problems to challenge you and if you keep her in your life, your just compounding them so move on, get your life settled, and find a woman who comes to the table without all the baggage.

[theexfiance]

You two have been through a lot together & apart but the stresses tore you apart rather than brought you together.

 

Personally I think 23/21 is too young to get married. Some of the pressures added to your woes.

 

It's sad that a big part of your past isn't going to be part of your future but it is for the best.

 

Good luck.

 

Yeah, that's true.

 

I agree...I wasn't after it at all. In the beginning she worked really hard to convince me that this was a good idea and that we were made for each other. It was a bad decision on my part.

 

I agree...that sadness is what I'm struggling with, I think. I think folks around here call it putting someone on a pedestal. I'm just romanticizing the idea of what was and not facing what is.

 

Thanks, I'm gonna need it!

 

Your a 23 year old young man and were involved with a 21 year old very immature woman who has a huge amount of issues and needs to work on them.

 

The kind of help she needs, you can't provide for her. She needs professional help and the sooner, the better.

 

Now if she was with another guy on that casino night weekend and IMO, more happened then she wants you to know and someone has a guilty conscious about it.

 

Look. At such a young age, you don't need someone with all these problems so chalk it up as a bad experience and move on.

 

In life your going to have bigger problems to challenge you and if you keep her in your life, your just compounding them so move on, get your life settled, and find a woman who comes to the table without all the baggage.

 

I completely agree. I guess I'm just struggling because I blew through school so quickly. I've always felt like an old soul, so it's a bit challenging for me (just got my Masters) to move on from this and feel like a 23 year old when I was mentally preparing myself for two years for a 9-5 job, work, marriage, etc.

 

Originally she claimed that her past issues were the primary reason for the break up. That she had never stood on her own two feet and needed to know herself. Even said that she would be seeking the help of a therapist. In the beginning this made me want to support her decision...but the **** with other guys pretty much makes this questionable at best.

 

I would agree with you, except she was sharing a hotel room with one of her best friends and she was with her the entire night. Her friend told me she did nothing physical with the guy, but told me about it because she felt that it was wrong and the guy was getting in her head about being married so young. Still, it's irrelevant because I'm fairly certain she'll start screwing him soon if she isn't already.

 

Logically, I feel like you're 100% right. I wish that this was a purely logical decision, but it's the years of emotions and the things that we supported each other through that make it tough to let go. Still, I appreciate your opinion/advice and I know that you're right.

 

Thanks again to both of you for taking the time to read this.

[lovebug_5858]

How long has it been since this all happened?

[ProcessingThisBU]

I would go for the inmmature thing. Maybe she wants to experiment another things that she wanted to. But you deserve better man. Because of the love you gave to her... My situation is somewhat similar, you can read it here.

I would think that NC is the best advice for you, let her miss you. In the meanwhile you can get perspective or your relationship. You're young man, you're gonna get through this.

[theexfiance]

How long has it been since this all happened?

 

The break up officially happened on June 8th. I spent one week being pathetic about stuff. Then, I started finding the will in myself to move on and sought some help to get through the process a bit faster. I've been going NC since last Thursday...so only about a week of that. We still have the financial stuff to clean up and last time we talked she started pestering me about why I only wanted to talk over e-mail (I deleted my Facebook and refuse to give her my number). I kept cool and told her I didn't want to talk about it and that my mind was made up. She, of course, didn't respond.

 

I would go for the immature thing. Maybe she wants to experiment another things that she wanted to. But you deserve better man. Because of the love you gave to her... My situation is somewhat similar, you can read it here.

I would think that NC is the best advice for you, let her miss you. In the meanwhile you can get perspective or your relationship. You're young man, you're gonna get through this.

 

Yeah, that's probably it. I feel like I do deserve better. At first all of this GIGS and NC stuff was encouraging because it lifted responsibility and let me feel like I would get her back. But in all honesty, the truth is that the fault lies somewhere between both of us in terms of how the relationship went. The ending is 100% her. She made a choice. NC started out being about her, but now it's about me. I feel good about the prospect of my future and I probably dodged a bullet. I don't love her any less, but man what was I thinking?

 

I was a faithful, loving, hard-working and financially supportive fiance and I think she just needs to go out and **** other people to learn that. I stuck by her side through some of the worst difficulties of her life. Regardless of the sting of rejection and losing the relationship, it feels like she did me a favor. I mean, I miss her and I'll always love her, but this was a messed up way/time to run out on things.

 

She pushed so hard to have all of this together and when it became real, she ran. I doubt that it's healthy to be with a person who runs from problems and isn't willing to work towards solutions together. I'm sure she will miss me, but I'm also gaining confidence that by the time she figures it out it'll be far too late. All I can do is wish the best of luck to the next poor guy she sucks the life out of.

[lovebug_5858]

Hold on to your new perspectives, you will need that logic to get you through NC.

[ProcessingThisBU]

I was a faithful, loving, hard-working and financially supportive fiance and I think she just needs to go out and **** other people to learn that. I stuck by her side through some of the worst difficulties of her life. Regardless of the sting of rejection and losing the relationship, it feels like she did me a favor. I mean, I miss her and I'll always love her, but this was a messed up way/time to run out on things.

 

She pushed so hard to have all of this together and when it became real, she ran. I doubt that it's healthy to be with a person who runs from problems and isn't willing to work towards solutions together. I'm sure she will miss me, but I'm also gaining confidence that by the time she figures it out it'll be far too late. All I can do is wish the best of luck to the next poor guy she sucks the life out of.

 

That's it man, I think you're gaining perspective. The things you did for her were the right things at the right time, were the best of you, if she doesn't appreciate them, **** her. That's not your problem. You put yourself out there and that's what counts. And also similar to my case (thanks for the comment) my ex runs from problems too. It's not healthy. She evade herself from them. Her problem.

On my case I think she will not miss me. But I have to be happy with me, and not depend on what others feel about me.

 

I think you're smart and on your way to heal faster than many of us. Keep the good work going.

[sooshi]

I'm sorry to hear about your broken engagement, although it truly does sound like she did you a favour in the long run. I've been through a broken engagement as well, and it sucks. But it does get better. Haven't heard from him in nearly four months, and NC truly does help (I didn't think ANYTHING would ever help!).

 

The part that ProcessingThisBU quoted really resonates with me. You have a positive attitude, and you have so much to give. Focus on healing and on having a wonderful relationship with yourself. You're doing so well already!

[theexfiance]

Hold on to your new perspectives, you will need that logic to get you through NC.

 

Thanks. I don't have anything else to hold onto so I might as well.

 

That's it man, I think you're gaining perspective. The things you did for her were the right things at the right time, were the best of you, if she doesn't appreciate them, **** her. That's not your problem. You put yourself out there and that's what counts. And also similar to my case (thanks for the comment) my ex runs from problems too. It's not healthy. She evade herself from them. Her problem.

On my case I think she will not miss me. But I have to be happy with me, and not depend on what others feel about me.

 

I think you're smart and on your way to heal faster than many of us. Keep the good work going.

 

Thanks man. I think that's where I'm at in my assessment of this. Some days it's harder than others to not beat myself up. It really is her problem and I guess it's more sad than anything. I did the best I could. After being engaged for two years I can't really have any regrets.

 

Haha, I can't be that smart. I got myself into this mess after all! Thanks again man, I'll do my best. The support here is really great and surely helps.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your broken engagement, although it truly does sound like she did you a favour in the long run. I've been through a broken engagement as well, and it sucks. But it does get better. Haven't heard from him in nearly four months, and NC truly does help (I didn't think ANYTHING would ever help!).

 

The part that ProcessingThisBU quoted really resonates with me. You have a positive attitude, and you have so much to give. Focus on healing and on having a wonderful relationship with yourself. You're doing so well already!

 

Hi sooshi. Thanks, I appreciate that. What was the grieving process like for you? Have you been pestered with breadcrumbs or was it all silence?

 

How did you finally start making things improve for you? Does it feel any easier after 4 months?

 

Thanks . It means a lot to hear someone say that. I really did start to doubt myself and put a lot of the blame on my shoulders immediately after the break up. The girl took everything: our car, our house, our dogs...even managed to use up my savings to kickstart her business right before breaking up. She even had the nerve to sleep with me the night of her birthday. I allowed myself to be so wrapped around her finger that it was embarrassing.

 

It has only been three weeks, so everything is really fresh and painful some days and super optimistic others. I want to get to the point where that confidence is consistent and I don't have to think about the stuff she may be doing, you know?

[theexfiance]

8 days into NC and I'm having a lot of trouble. I can't seem to stop myself from checking up on her e-mail and Facebook. This was behavior that I NEVER exhibited during the relationship, but now it's like a goddamn compulsion. I keep using wanting to know what's going on with our financial situation as an excuse...

 

Today I find myself doubting whether or not NC was a good idea. On FB she keeps posting things like "Get up seven times, fall down eight. Thats how it goes, right?"

 

My mind just immediately goes to..."should I have stayed her friend?"

 

I miss her. I miss her bad today. Help?

[sooshi]

The breakup happened on New Year's Eve. It was hard for me, very much so. We live in different countries and I was close to obtaining a visa that would allow me to get married in the US and then live there with him. It rid me of the hopes and dreams I had for years.

 

As if it wasn't hard enough, he went and pursued my best friend shortly after. They've never met and hardly ever communicated. He wrote a love song for her and sent it to me, told her she was the only one she wanted, etc etc etc. She let it happen, enjoyed the attention and the desire. This hurt more than the broken engagement itself.

 

After the engagement, my ex-fiance and I still talked. But then when I learned about his pursuing of my friend in early March, we had conflict, and he shut me out and continued to pursue her. I haven't hear from him in nearly four months. Haven't heard from my "friend" either.

 

So, it's been nearly seven months since the broken engagement. I think I've gotten over that for the most part, though I still miss his hometown/state/and FAMILY!, but now I'm working on healing from the whole pursuing my best friend thing.

 

With the months of not contacting him or hearing from him, it HAS gotten easier. It took a while to stop looking him online, but it eventually happened, and I don't feel inclined to check anything because I know it will hurt me.

 

I've come to treat myself well, gently, and kindly, and I know that I deserve so much better than what he and my former best friend gave me. And so do you.

[theexfiance]

The breakup happened on New Year's Eve. It was hard for me, very much so. We live in different countries and I was close to obtaining a visa that would allow me to get married in the US and then live there with him. It rid me of the hopes and dreams I had for years.

 

As if it wasn't hard enough, he went and pursued my best friend shortly after. They've never met and hardly ever communicated. He wrote a love song for her and sent it to me, told her she was the only one she wanted, etc etc etc. She let it happen, enjoyed the attention and the desire. This hurt more than the broken engagement itself.

 

After the engagement, my ex-fiance and I still talked. But then when I learned about his pursuing of my friend in early March, we had conflict, and he shut me out and continued to pursue her. I haven't hear from him in nearly four months. Haven't heard from my "friend" either.

 

So, it's been nearly seven months since the broken engagement. I think I've gotten over that for the most part, though I still miss his hometown/state/and FAMILY!, but now I'm working on healing from the whole pursuing my best friend thing.

 

With the months of not contacting him or hearing from him, it HAS gotten easier. It took a while to stop looking him online, but it eventually happened, and I don't feel inclined to check anything because I know it will hurt me.

 

I've come to treat myself well, gently, and kindly, and I know that I deserve so much better than what he and my former best friend gave me. And so do you.

 

Thank you for sharing your story with me sooshi. I really needed to hear some positive reinforcement. I love the days when I feel empowered to move forward, but it's coming back down from that high that's so difficult.

 

I'm really grateful for this site. If it wasn't for all the failed NC stories, I would probably have contacted her. I need to get it through my head that I just miss the familiarity.

 

It's weird. I understand that we shouldn't be together. I want to be with her, but not WITH her. Does that make any sense?

[sooshi]

Yes, that does make sense.

 

Sometimes I miss him. I used to cry a whoooooole lot, and blame myself a whooooole lot. Not just for the broken engagement, but for him pursuing my best friend and getting mad at me and lashing out at me because I didn't handle it well.

 

Sometimes I go to compose a new e-mail and enter his e-mail address, but that's it. I don't write anything else. And then I leave it. There's nothing for me to say anymore. It was much harder at first, with not contacting him and not checking up on his online stuff. But it got easier with time. It truly does get easier, and better. And I'm one of those people who thought it wouldn't get easier or better.

 

I think your assessment of missing the familiarity is accurate. From what I've read, it didn't sound like a marriage-worthy relationship. I don't mean to be hurtful when I say that. My relationship with my ex-fiance wasn't marriage-worthy towards the end, either. It's hard to see that when we're in love and seeing all the good things about our ex/relationship, but when we're more detached and more introspective, we not only see the reality, but feel it and acknowledge and have an awakening, too.

[theexfiance]

Yes, that does make sense.

 

Sometimes I miss him. I used to cry a whoooooole lot, and blame myself a whooooole lot. Not just for the broken engagement, but for him pursuing my best friend and getting mad at me and lashing out at me because I didn't handle it well.

 

Sometimes I go to compose a new e-mail and enter his e-mail address, but that's it. I don't write anything else. And then I leave it. There's nothing for me to say anymore. It was much harder at first, with not contacting him and not checking up on his online stuff. But it got easier with time. It truly does get easier, and better. And I'm one of those people who thought it wouldn't get easier or better.

 

I think your assessment of missing the familiarity is accurate. From what I've read, it didn't sound like a marriage-worthy relationship. I don't mean to be hurtful when I say that. My relationship with my ex-fiance wasn't marriage-worthy towards the end, either. It's hard to see that when we're in love and seeing all the good things about our ex/relationship, but when we're more detached and more introspective, we not only see the reality, but feel it and acknowledge and have an awakening, too.

 

Yeah I guess it wasn't marriage worthy...I realized that. I'm just a strong believer in working through things together as a couple. I don't understand why she's felt so compelled to just run from everything when we finally got to a place in our relationship where we had the time and money to work on things.

 

I sort of broke NC today. I reached out to ask about what was happening with our house (lease takeover). In the process I flirted a bit. Simple little joke to ease the tension. She was receptive for a split second and then ice cold again. Just as everyone warned, it was a stupid thing to do.

 

It's all so frustrating. She took the car in the split and so my freedom is limited. She has more friends and being a girl, there's always a taker. I'm feeling even more down than before and really drowning in it today.

 

I also made the mistake of looking at her Facebook and it's flooded with **** about owning being alone and how she feels free and like she's "marrying her dreams." Ouch.

 

I feel like absolute ****.

[johnson_j]

Man don't buy into that "marrying her dreams" and b/s. That's nothing more than denial presenting itself as self-advice. If I had a dollar for everytime an ex wrote something like that, while being totally destroyed in time, I could buy you a Caribbean vacation.

 

 

The only way is to pick yourself up. Move on and let her chase you, if she will. If she doesn't just keep walking. Sounds like she has drama and major issues too. tread lightly here - those issues you described take a lot of care and compassion to work through.

[lollipopspot]

However, she was obsessed with owning animals. Obsessed. We must have gone through 4-6 dogs in our time bouncing from apartment to apartment. It was really quite the mess. I was stressed beyond belief. Young puppies cry, poop, pee, destroy furniture etc. When you're in grad school and trying to maintain a relationship this is a recipe for disaster. I started becoming very angry and bitter toward her for her lack of responsibility and it caused us to fight a lot.

 

4-6 dogs? What happened to all these puppies, where did they go?

 

I HATE It when people take dogs at their most adoptable, adaptable, and trainable, don't train them properly and use up their cute puppyness that makes them adoptable - and then dump them. It's unconscionable, and traumatizing to the animal. And doing it more than once - that makes me angrier than I can say here.

[theexfiance]

4-6 dogs? What happened to all these puppies, where did they go?

 

I HATE It when people take dogs at their most adoptable, adaptable, and trainable, don't train them properly and use up their cute puppyness that makes them adoptable - and then dump them. It's unconscionable, and traumatizing to the animal. And doing it more than once - that makes me angrier than I can say here.

 

Rest assured...in every scenario we went through a lengthy re-homing process to find the dogs suitable new homes. We visited the homes of the adopting families etc.

[theexfiance]

Man don't buy into that "marrying her dreams" and b/s. That's nothing more than denial presenting itself as self-advice. If I had a dollar for everytime an ex wrote something like that, while being totally destroyed in time, I could buy you a Caribbean vacation.

 

 

The only way is to pick yourself up. Move on and let her chase you, if she will. If she doesn't just keep walking. Sounds like she has drama and major issues too. tread lightly here - those issues you described take a lot of care and compassion to work through.

 

 

Sorry for the double post, I accidentally overlooked your message.

 

The whole thing reads "I cheated on my fears, broke up with my doubts, got engaged to my faith and now I'm marrying my dreams."

 

It's stupid I know, but it just kind of felt like rubbing the broken engagement in my face. Do you really think that she's just trying to convince herself that she's okay? I swear...there's nothing worse than trying to figure out what the hell is going on in her head through this. All of these super sudden changes really threw me off...

 

It's so ****ing confusing. She told me that she wanted to try and spend time together when all of our financial stuff was over with...then I made the choice to go NC (with the exception of my screw up today ). I feel like trying to spend time with her at all would be a mistake.

 

Everyone has told me that she'll eventually come back around...but I don't know why I still care. Some days I hate her and want nothing to do with her. Then on days like today...I'm a pathetic mess and all I want is her.

 

Johnson_J: How did you get past your exs' B.S.? In your experience, did putting the distance between the two of you cause them to come back around at some point? If so, did you even care anymore at that point? Thanks for the words man, every bit of support helps.

[johnson_j]

Yes sir, people use social media status and pictures as communication. Especially if she knows you are reading it, she will put some nonsense to make it seem like she's all good and you're pathetic for not being the same. My ex would post pictures of her smiling, have a status of something like "my angel is watching over me", and spend the evening crying and telling me how sad she was while communicating otherwise to the general world.

 

 

And yes, every single one has returned. Sometimes I cared, other times I didn't. But you need to create this space for YOU to heal, screw her. Maybe in time you'll see and understand you've dodged a bullet. Being heartbroke sucks, but better now than after you have the ring, babies, house, etc.

[theexfiance]

Yes sir, people use social media status and pictures as communication. Especially if she knows you are reading it, she will put some nonsense to make it seem like she's all good and you're pathetic for not being the same. My ex would post pictures of her smiling, have a status of something like "my angel is watching over me", and spend the evening crying and telling me how sad she was while communicating otherwise to the general world.

 

 

And yes, every single one has returned. Sometimes I cared, other times I didn't. But you need to create this space for YOU to heal, screw her. Maybe in time you'll see and understand you've dodged a bullet. Being heartbroke sucks, but better now than after you have the ring, babies, house, etc.

 

Yeah...I don't know if she knows that I can see all of this, but I'm sure she suspects it. Last weekend she was out getting drunk and sending FB messages to another guy. Even though she had changed her password (I figured it out) she went through the trouble of deleting those messages. It's insane...nothing that she's doing or saying is coherent with any kind of steady emotional state.

 

Yeah, come to think of it all of my exes have too. Thanks for answering that, I know it's a personal thing to ask. You're right. I know that. My emotions are really getting the best of me today.

 

It's just so hard man. I was finally mentally ready to be married and have kids and all that. She just pulled everything out from under me...all the bull.s.h.i.t she is putting out there now is just rubbing salt in the wound, you know?

Edited June 29, 2014 by theexfiance