greenbee81 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Do not send flowers. Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Wait, what? She breaks your heart, and you're worried she might be sad if she doesn't get anything? Really? Tear up your man card now. You're suspended from the club. Gaaahh, I LOVE THIS. :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Do not send flowers. Remain in LC if you choose but you really need to start toughening up. I truly am sorry your hurting though. I understand how you feel but please please please do not lose your dignity completely over someone who chose to not be a part of your life anymore. SHE LEFT YOU SHE LEFT YOU SHE LEFT YOU...rinse and repeat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imissyou28 Posted June 27, 2014 Author Share Posted June 27, 2014 Do not send flowers. Remain in LC if you choose but you really need to start toughening up. I truly am sorry your hurting though. I understand how you feel but please please please do not lose your dignity completely over someone who chose to not be a part of your life anymore. SHE LEFT YOU SHE LEFT YOU SHE LEFT YOU...rinse and repeat. I don't care about my dignity, and would sacrifice every shred of it if only to make her feel a bit better. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I don't care about my dignity, and would sacrifice every shred of it if only to make her feel a bit better. Then you're not very bright. She left you. Doesn't want to be with you. Has no intensity and spark for you. But you can feel bad all you want for yourself...and I assure you that sending flowers will make her feel SO weird and odd that you might as well put the shovel down and crawl into that hole you dug. It sucks, but you need to stop obsessing and move forward Link to post Share on other sites
Pisces13 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I want her back more than anything. I don't care how much I suffer, how much my heart breaks, I just want her back. I'm not sure NC is conducive to reconciliation. Also, it's extremely hard for me not to contact her, as she's interested in another man. I don't want to give him a golden opportunity to woo her. What you need to realize is that you have no control over this situation what so ever, you can't force someone to feel a certain way about you. You are broken up because she doesn't feel that way about you anymore. I've been in your situation before and it sucks, I would've done anything to get her back and I tried for months, but in the end it got me nowhere except messed around and left with an even bigger broken heart. It wasn't until I finally accepted what had happened and cut her out of my life for good that I was able to move on and find new love. You are going through the normal motions of a breakup, but in my situation, if I had of known what I know now, I just wish I had of went NC right from the start. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imissyou28 Posted June 27, 2014 Author Share Posted June 27, 2014 Then you're not very bright. She left you. Doesn't want to be with you. Has no intensity and spark for you. But you can feel bad all you want for yourself...and I assure you that sending flowers will make her feel SO weird and odd that you might as well put the shovel down and crawl into that hole you dug. It sucks, but you need to stop obsessing and move forward If it will make her feel weird and odd then I don't want that. If it will boost her ego and at the same time make her think less of me, well, that's a small price to pay to make her smile. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I think your time would be better spent working on changing old habits of yelling and criticizing. You likely learned those bad habits as a child from witnessing a parent berating the other parent or berating the children, and so that has becomed engrained in your behavior. Or, possibly, you feel a need to control everything around you, and so you won't let the other person to do things her way or make mistakes without you lashing out to "correct" her. I think you should get to the bottom of why you react this way to a partner, preferably through therapy, and work on learning better communication and conflict resolution practices before trying to make it work with any woman, or your pattern of berating/criticizing will continue to ruin relationships. If you did get back together with your ex, after the honeymoon period of reconciliation is over, you would likely be back to the negative reactionary behavior, and ruin the relationship again. Work on yourself first and your negative patterns/behaviors. Keep in light touch, like she asked. Check in with her every few weeks to say Hello. Let her know you've been working on your communication issues with a therapist so she can see that you are trying to work out your issues, and maybe she'll eventually give you another chance. It may be too late to salvage this relationship, but you will be in a better position to keep the next one healthy if you do the necessary work on yourself. OP - Kathy is right on point. Totally nailed it!!! Work on yourself for the next RS, or else it will end exactly the same!!! Therapy, self help, etc... I'm guessing you lacked love and support as a child. Developed toxic shame about yourself because you felt you weren't good enough to be loved. Inadequate, Unworthy. Unlovable. Your needs and wants were of nobody's concern. These messages then get carried into adulthood. You become very critical of yourself and others. Nothing measures up. Nothing! Very difficult cycle to break. I know because I too suffer from this. Read the book 'No More Mr. Nice Guy'. It's short and a quick read, but contains some very potent and helpful material. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Absolutely DON'T send her flowers. She and the new guy will think you are nuts if you do. If you send her flowers you won't "look good", you'll look like her crazy stalker ex who is sending presents in the mail because he cannot understand it's over. Hold on to your pride. You are NOT her bf anymore, you don't need to send her flowers. You already sent her a card, which is still too much IMO. A text would have sufficed, so leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I understand what it's like to still want to give to someone we loved, even after they've left us. My ex-fiance really wanted to go on a trip outside of the US, and even after breaking up with me, I wanted to help pay for a trip. I wanted to set aside some money each money for a "trip fund" for him. Wow. I'm SO glad I didn't!!!! He doesn't deserve that from me! Please don't give her flowers. It really won't do you any good, as the other posters have pointed out. <3 Link to post Share on other sites
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I don't care about my dignity, and would sacrifice every shred of it if only to make her feel a bit better. Sir, you have lost your manhood. That's why she doesn't want you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imissyou28 Posted June 27, 2014 Author Share Posted June 27, 2014 Absolutely DON'T send her flowers. She and the new guy will think you are nuts if you do. If you send her flowers you won't "look good", you'll look like her crazy stalker ex who is sending presents in the mail because he cannot understand it's over. Hold on to your pride. You are NOT her bf anymore, you don't need to send her flowers. You already sent her a card, which is still too much IMO. A text would have sufficed, so leave it at that. The new guy had another girlfriend. She found out and has stopped seeing him. Not bolding to be a jerk, just want to make sure everyone sees it as I feel it's very relevant. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I don't care about my dignity, and would sacrifice every shred of it if only to make her feel a bit better. Problem with this reasoning is that it's an absolute turn off. You might not care, but I guarantee you she will, and not in a good way. I read that and I thought "yuck" Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 The new guy had another girlfriend. She found out and has stopped seeing him. Not bolding to be a jerk, just want to make sure everyone sees it as I feel it's very relevant. So what? That still doesn't mean she's head over heels for you. NO FLOWERS, women like strong confident men not doormats, remember that friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 The new guy had another girlfriend. She found out and has stopped seeing him. Not bolding to be a jerk, just want to make sure everyone sees it as I feel it's very relevant. It's not. And it's clear you have no idea what you're doing. Is this your first relationship? How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I want her back more than anything. I don't care how much I suffer, how much my heart breaks, I just want her back. I'm not sure NC is conducive to reconciliation. Also, it's extremely hard for me not to contact her, as she's interested in another man. I don't want to give him a golden opportunity to woo her. Reality is that she's going to get plenty of wooing because she's single and looking for another guy. You don't have to compete with anyone because you're already out of the picture. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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