Omei Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Alright, many conflicting opinions in this thread. It appears that different personalities react differently to such an issue. That being that, being that the relationship is very good for me overall, and because I'd rather avoid creating unnecessary problems, I told him I would shave it. And I added that I do appreciate his honesty in sharing things with me, but that in the future I would prefer more of an open in-person discussion about such things. So tomorrow I need…. shaving cream, and one of those non-disposable razors…and baby wipes. Perfect! Im glad this will turn out good in the long run, why the baby wipes did my toilet paper story scare you? Lol sorry its totally a beauty 101 tho =] for me at least haha!
Author whatisthiss Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Perfect! Im glad this will turn out good in the long run, why the baby wipes did my toilet paper story scare you? Lol sorry its totally a beauty 101 tho =] for me at least haha! Yeah to be honest I can recall the boyfriend finding these little toilet paper bits on me too, but he's never mentioned it. So your post brought it to my mind.
Els Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Wait, is that what the baby wipes are for? Don't do that! They often have cleaning/perfume/etc agents in them that are just going to predispose you to infection if you use them on your hooch on a regular basis! Then you will REALLY smell (in addition to being really uncomfortable). Your vagina needs to keep its native bacteria and pH to fend off bad bacteria. Get good quality 3-ply toilet paper instead! 2
Author whatisthiss Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Wait, is that what the baby wipes are for? Don't do that! They often have cleaning/perfume/etc agents in them that are just going to predispose you to infection if you use them on your hooch on a regular basis! Then you will REALLY smell (in addition to being really uncomfortable). Your vagina needs to keep its native bacteria and pH to fend off bad bacteria. Get good quality 3-ply toilet paper instead! Special toilet paper? This thread is becoming very enlightening. 2
daisydook Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I shave it all off, both my vagina and bum! I also like anal sex, and anal play. My boyfriend and I don't expect the other to shave, but we are both kind of well kept down there for the most part to begin with. He is very conscious of it and does shave, or he will tell me when he hasnt. We don't have to ask one another to do this because we do it anyway. Lol. If we didn't, it would be a topic for discussion and I too would hope it wasn't brought up via text. I'm sorry. He has learned I am more willing to go there because it is displeasing. It's gross. There is nothing more gross than oral sex with too much hair around. Just doesn't float my boat. Whether it is a man or a woman. If I am going to be with a woman, I also prefer she is hairless down there. Front and back. I have no issue doing it because I do it for me, not for a man. It's just weird to have hair in certain places to me and that's one of them. I just feel like as a female, I shouldn't have hair in my bum crack. The problem to having stubble and having an itchy butt is to not only shave, but continue shaving. Bahahaha. Seriously though. Works like a charm. I have never understood this talk about butt stubble. Shave it! Like you did 7 days ago! Don't just let it grow back to bush form, making you miserable, and horribly itchy. People just want to complain. You dont do it once. You do it and then keep doing it so its not itchy or displeasing. In my opinion, I do agree with your boyfriend. I don't like it either. I don't for one minute understand the texting it to you but he probably felt you would be less embarrassed and who really knows. Had he mentioned this in person, you may have left his place screaming and wailing like a banchee. You don't know how you would have reacted in person either. Let's be real. You would have probably been just as offended. Don't be too hard on him. He doesn't sound like a douche who wants you to change everything, however his approach and choice of words could have used a little work. You are also only thinking of how it works best for you to be told, and not at all thinking about his feelings here about how to even tell you this. At least he brought it up, is my point.
Els Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Special toilet paper? This thread is becoming very enlightening. There are grades of toilet paper, yes. I'm a bit spoilt in this aspect and always use 3-ply good quality ones, so they don't flake and stick all over. It costs a bit more (maybe $0.50 more per roll than the average), but it's a better expense than using baby wipes (and then treating an infection). 2
lollipopspot Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 If you clean yourself up before sex (which you should both do anyway if you have oral sex), just use a wet washcloth.
jbelle6 Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I literally had to sign out of my usual account and register with a new one to post this thread because to me it's just embarrassing. I just got a random text at about 1am from my boyfriend, telling me that although I do turn him on, recently while being with me he has noticed some body hair around my "booty area." He means the type that you find on some girls in the crack (so not all over the thing). He said it can be somewhat "displeasing" but that he's got some too, and offered to smooth it out if I do the same. My first thought: "I can't believe he just texted me about butt hair. Why couldn't he gently bring this up in person? This is a poster example of things not to text your girlfriend." My next thought: "Do I really have that much hair?" I go to examine it. I've always known it was there and even shaved it once or twice, but it's what I'd consider a "normal amount" (i.e. no other man has complained or ever mentioned it). And do I really need to explain just how terrible butt stubble is???? (experience) So I text him asking why he had to TEXT MESSAGE this? And he responded that he wanted to avoid embarrassing me in person about it. I tell him that it was actually waaayyyy more embarrassing to get a text description of "displeasing booty hair" on my phone that I can re-read all day if I want. Would have much preferred it being gently brought up in person, if he felt so inclined. Now my issue: First, I guess I should trim the hair??? And second, at the same time I'm feeling a bit turned off by the text. As in, I kind of want to not answer the phone for a couple days or something to that effect, not exactly to play games… but because I'm actually turned off by how he brought it up and said it! I mean, it was just a random text about my a$$ hair after only a couple other totally normal texts during the whole day. Am I too sensitive? Has your partner ever made a similar request? Girls, do you shave the hair in the crack!!?? Enlighten me... Got that entire area lasered right off a few years ago, best thing EVER. And it lightened my skin a too since someone mentioned bleaching. Hydroquinone cream is good for that as well. No shame in paying attention to the details. 1
Emilia Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Also I should point out that SHAVING that area is not fun at all. Been there, done that. The itch and stubble is no joke. And waxing???? That sounds painful. I may try a trim at first an see how that goes, but I can't handle anything else right now. I wax Brazilian style and it doesn't hurt there, in fact it hurts less to wax that area than your bikini line. I understand that people have preferences and you said somewhere else that the relationship is good otherwise. But I find this a bit um .... don't know.. finickity? Almost controlling perhaps? Not in the sense that you can't have an opinion about your partner's body but something so minor. Dunno... seems a bit overtly fussy in a 1am text message. I've had plenty of body hair conversations with men over the years but never to this detail. 3
Author whatisthiss Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) I wax Brazilian style and it doesn't hurt there, in fact it hurts less to wax that area than your bikini line. I understand that people have preferences and you said somewhere else that the relationship is good otherwise. But I find this a bit um .... don't know.. finickity? Almost controlling perhaps? Not in the sense that you can't have an opinion about your partner's body but something so minor. Dunno... seems a bit overtly fussy in a 1am text message. I've had plenty of body hair conversations with men over the years but never to this detail. Yes, I agree with you in a sense. He's good to me, but I have noticed that he's sometimes almost too detailed about the way he feels things should be. He's mentioned to me he likes nail polish. Was cool - I added nail polish. Once I had a few stray hairs above the lip that he noticed (slight ones that most girls get, but he notices everything). He pointed them out. Fine, I got rid of them. He thought it would be hot if I got a nose stud and offered to get me one as a gift. I said no, not me. So I get that he likes what he likes, but this was a bit more sensitive. I know what you mean about it ALMOST crossing some sort of line but kind of hovering on the edge. Recently he pointed out the slightest hair on one of my eyebrows that he felt could be tweezed off. He was being very picky to point that out, because it was slight. It's the way he is about these things but I suppose it's one slightly undesirable thing among many of his overall lovely qualities - so I try to put it in perspective. Edited June 25, 2014 by whatisthiss 1
Emilia Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Yes, I agree with you in a sense. He's good to me, but I have noticed that he's sometimes almost too detailed about the way he feels things should be. He's mentioned to me he likes nail polish. Was cool - I added nail polish. Once I had a few stray hairs above the lip that he noticed (slight ones that most girls get, but he notices everything). He pointed them out. Fine, I got rid of them. He thought it would be hot if I got a nose stud and offered to get me one as a gift. I said no, not me. So I get that he likes what he likes, but this was a bit more sensitive. I know what you mean about it ALMOST crossing some sort of line but kind of hovering on the edge. Recently he pointed out the slightest hair on one of my eyebrows that he felt could be tweezed off. He was being very picky to point that out, because it was slight. It's the way he is about these things but I suppose it's one slightly undesirable thing among many of his overall lovely qualities - so I try to put it in perspective. These things are always difficult. You want to stay desirable for your partner and you hope that the two of you can communicate. Hopefully it works both ways. Personally for me though I would not take kindly to being 'managed'. I mean I don't even comment on a little weight fluctuation, I used to ignore my ex's going from full beard to full shave and back again thing every other week. It's sweating the small stuff, you know? There are more important things in life than having fluff in someone's belly button. How does he cope with big changes when the small stuff matters so much? I always imagine people like that as quite fragile. My ex mentioned that he liked short skirts and heels (surprise surprise) and I started wearing those more. I told him I liked it when he wore shirts will collar because he scrubbed up well and he took that on. That was the extent of pretty much any kind of requirement in terms of appearance. 3
Author whatisthiss Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 These things are always difficult. You want to stay desirable for your partner and you hope that the two of you can communicate. Hopefully it works both ways. Personally for me though I would not take kindly to being 'managed'. I mean I don't even comment on a little weight fluctuation, I used to ignore my ex's going from full beard to full shave and back again thing every other week. It's sweating the small stuff, you know? There are more important things in life than having fluff in someone's belly button. How does he cope with big changes when the small stuff matters so much? I always imagine people like that as quite fragile. My ex mentioned that he liked short skirts and heels (surprise surprise) and I started wearing those more. I told him I liked it when he wore shirts will collar because he scrubbed up well and he took that on. That was the extent of pretty much any kind of requirement in terms of appearance. In the past I've had moments of not taking too kindly to it either, and have sometimes wished he wouldn't sweat all those details so much. At times I wondered if it made him too superficial or something to that effect. However, in general he is good about taking my needs seriously when they are brought up seriously. So hopefully if I end up needing to talk over it, he will see my point. As far as how he's affected by "big changes," I suppose I'm unsure on that due to not having a good example of a big change. Well actually, I've seen him get nervous when things don't go according to plan but nothing out of the ordinary. In any case, maybe I'll start being a little more vocal about things he could improve if I ever feel that way, since he is about me.
Emilia Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 In any case, maybe I'll start being a little more vocal about things he could improve if I ever feel that way, since he is about me. Only if it's important to you. I think it's something to remember that this approach could turn into power games and a lot of conflict. This is why it's better when a person has a more relaxed view on these things, when one is so picky, it potentially breeds resentment in the relationship. 1
Els Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 In any case, maybe I'll start being a little more vocal about things he could improve if I ever feel that way, since he is about me. Maybe start with him improving on how he handles these OCD-like tendencies of his? Honestly, the more I read your posts about him, the worse the feeling I get about this whole thing. So now it's not just him liking nail polish and finding butt hair 'displeasing', he also nitpicks on ONE stray hair on your eyebrows, barely noticeable peach fuzz above your lips... I can understand someone suffering from OCD issues, but in that case the onus is on them to try and handle it (maybe with a bit of assistance), not to foist them all on you and expect you to fulfill every single detail of how he thinks your personal appearance should be like. At the end of the day, yes, everyone has 'issues', and it's up to you whether or not you feel his are a dealbreaker. But IMO if he doesn't improve in this regard, you will either start to resent him, or have your self-esteem plunging because whenever you dress or bathe or groom yourself in the morning, you will wonder if you did a good enough job and whether you missed one thing out of the 48764867426927734 that he needs. 5
TheyCallMeOx Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 What does this even have to do with shaving the bits? Plenty of women who don't shave are kinky, and vice versa. If a dude is unattracted to ass hair, and the woman has a "I DO WHAT I WAN" attitude, then he's probably less likely to do positions that expose that area of the woman's body. It's the same with women and semen. There's gotta be a little bit of a compromise, and it can't be just a "if you don't like it, just turn the lights off" kind of thing. Especially if the woman actually likes doggy-style and other positions that expose that area of the body. Wrong, you can Google that up real quick. I think a poster posted a survey among UK women aged 18-35, it was 50/50. Most of the women I've encountered shave, so maybe it's just a personal experience thing. 50/50. I've seen a lot of women make fun of other women who don't shave, so I guess it's just a bias. You did an excellent job of explaining why some of us find it unattractive for him to do that, actually... I only offered a potential explanation of a thought process, at least. Me, personally, I would've told her and shaved dat ass myself but as a guy, I'm just providing an alternative perspective. What you do with that information is your business, so you're welcome.
Els Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) If a dude is unattracted to ass hair, and the woman has a "I DO WHAT I WAN" attitude, then he's probably less likely to do positions that expose that area of the woman's body. It's the same with women and semen. There's gotta be a little bit of a compromise, and it can't be just a "if you don't like it, just turn the lights off" kind of thing. Especially if the woman actually likes doggy-style and other positions that expose that area of the body. Not all people actually want their partners to be doing something that they strongly dislike, for sex. Also not all people require every part of the body that they are looking at during sex to be shaved. So if two people have vastly different and strong views on the subject, maybe they just aren't compatible, and there is no purpose in forcing it. At any rate, that wasn't what I meant - I was referring to your statement correlating 'missionary' and shaving. I assure you there is no correlation. In fact many of the people who enjoy kinky sex prefer not to shave. A few of them are on this board. Also, it's a moot point, given everything else she has said about him and his particularities. Compromise is fine but what exactly is he compromising? Edited June 25, 2014 by Elswyth 1
Fondue Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 If it is a problem get it waxxed. And I say that as a guy who's gotten a front/back bro-zillian before. It isn't that bad. Especially the back-- it actually feels nice, the procedure itself. The aftereffect is awesome, too. I feel so damn clean there!
MidwestUSA Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Got that entire area lasered right off a few years ago, best thing EVER. And it lightened my skin a too since someone mentioned bleaching. Hydroquinone cream is good for that as well. No shame in paying attention to the details. My kinda girl right here! So, since OP asked, I got to looking. I've got two gray hairs, OMG! (The laser doesn't zap gray). Foreplay tonight will include a tweezers, because I just can't see round the bend there! 1
Author whatisthiss Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Maybe start with him improving on how he handles these OCD-like tendencies of his? Honestly, the more I read your posts about him, the worse the feeling I get about this whole thing. So now it's not just him liking nail polish and finding butt hair 'displeasing', he also nitpicks on ONE stray hair on your eyebrows, barely noticeable peach fuzz above your lips... I can understand someone suffering from OCD issues, but in that case the onus is on them to try and handle it (maybe with a bit of assistance), not to foist them all on you and expect you to fulfill every single detail of how he thinks your personal appearance should be like. At the end of the day, yes, everyone has 'issues', and it's up to you whether or not you feel his are a dealbreaker. But IMO if he doesn't improve in this regard, you will either start to resent him, or have your self-esteem plunging because whenever you dress or bathe or groom yourself in the morning, you will wonder if you did a good enough job and whether you missed one thing out of the 48764867426927734 that he needs. You have touched on EXACTLY the reason why I am still feeling off about this today. I woke up feeling that I can't always be perfect. I am an easy-going kind of girl and throughout all the relationships I've had, not one man has ever mentioned this issue. More than that, no man has ever mentioned the AMOUNT of enhancements or adjustments that this one has. Most men have actually been perfectly happy with me the way I am. This is compounded by the fact that I don't have much money right now and to shave a new area for the first time, I want a better razor and maybe some cream or something… I can't afford that stuff right now. I'm trying to figure out how to pay my rent this month while he's texting me about this. Actually at the moment that he texted me this , I was researching important stuff for my future, and somehow getting a text about my hair seemed pretty unnecessary in that moment. I definitely need to have a conversation with him about how all his expectations and his need for pointing them out are affecting me. 7
Strength in Healing Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Sorry but this is the weirdest topic I've ever read.
waiting4u Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 If you're that hairy that a man brings it up, it's time to spring for a brazilian. I've never done it, but lots of women do, apparently. 1
SammySammy Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Sorry but this is the weirdest topic I've ever read. It's hilarious to me. I like that she freaked out because he sent a text and had the nerve to use the word "displeasing". Like him saying "girl, that booty hair is nasty and you need to take care of it" IN PERSON would have made it sooooooo much better. 4
firmness Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) I have two opposing opinions on this: 1. He doesn't like butt hair and he was honest. Deal with it and let it go. It is a minor adjustment to make. 2. Forget the text thing - who cares how he says it. But damn, he is picky as hell! I cannot help but be curious how he even noticed this! Can you make a pigtail with you, er, hair there? How much is there!? Also, I am not sure how much time he spends, well, down there, but damn I am now thinking I should more closely inspect my girlfriends "area"! I cannot believe I am responding to this. I have to go now and take a shower. Firmness' Updated Bucket List: Learn a new language - CHECK! Make a million dollars - IN PROGRESS Visit Machu Picchu - CHECK! Discuss butthole hair on the Internet with strangers - CHECK! Edited June 25, 2014 by firmness Added comment at the end 5
FitChick Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Unless you don't shave your armpits or legs, I don't get what the big deal is adding in one more body part. It would take ten seconds.
clia Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I don't blame you for being bothered by this. Unless you are really hairy, your boyfriend is being way too picky. Is he feeling around in that area very often? Does he watch a lot of porn? It sounds like he may have unrealistic expectations about what is a normal amount of body hair. I can't even picture the logistics of trying to shave that area by yourself! 3
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