whatisthiss Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 I literally had to sign out of my usual account and register with a new one to post this thread because to me it's just embarrassing. I just got a random text at about 1am from my boyfriend, telling me that although I do turn him on, recently while being with me he has noticed some body hair around my "booty area." He means the type that you find on some girls in the crack (so not all over the thing). He said it can be somewhat "displeasing" but that he's got some too, and offered to smooth it out if I do the same. My first thought: "I can't believe he just texted me about butt hair. Why couldn't he gently bring this up in person? This is a poster example of things not to text your girlfriend." My next thought: "Do I really have that much hair?" I go to examine it. I've always known it was there and even shaved it once or twice, but it's what I'd consider a "normal amount" (i.e. no other man has complained or ever mentioned it). And do I really need to explain just how terrible butt stubble is???? (experience) So I text him asking why he had to TEXT MESSAGE this? And he responded that he wanted to avoid embarrassing me in person about it. I tell him that it was actually waaayyyy more embarrassing to get a text description of "displeasing booty hair" on my phone that I can re-read all day if I want. Would have much preferred it being gently brought up in person, if he felt so inclined. Now my issue: First, I guess I should trim the hair??? And second, at the same time I'm feeling a bit turned off by the text. As in, I kind of want to not answer the phone for a couple days or something to that effect, not exactly to play games… but because I'm actually turned off by how he brought it up and said it! I mean, it was just a random text about my a$$ hair after only a couple other totally normal texts during the whole day. Am I too sensitive? Has your partner ever made a similar request? Girls, do you shave the hair in the crack!!?? Enlighten me... 4
MidwestUSA Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Um, yea, not text material. Maybe he should pay for a waxing session for you? What next? He'll want you to bleach? 5
Author whatisthiss Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 He's mentioned a few other things he likes on a girl, like nail polish. I started doing that because it wasn't a bad request but the butt hair thing…. UUGGGHH I mean it's not that he said it. It's that he said it in a text and called it "displeasing". I mean I could see if we were in bed together, maybe he could've said something like, "Babe I noticed you've got a little hair in that area, have you ever thought about smoothing it out?" or something to that effect. And I would've been open to a discussion. But just coming at it in a text and throwing in how it's "displeasing"….
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) I can understand where he's coming from, it's not exactly the most comfortable vision in your imagination, of looking into someone's good eye while explaining to them that their butt crack is well....a little on the "bushy" side. I think this is hilarious, personally...but I know for you this is offensive and a bit hurtful and I'm not sure if you're going to be comfortable being with him again right away, knowing that he's noticing some unsightly rear-end hair. Unfortunately a lot of women justify that if men don't complain there isn't a problem...all the while sending the message to men that they shouldn't complain, criticize or critique a woman's body...so you kind of have a double-edged sword there and to expect honesty from men is a pretty ridiculous expectation as men are taught not to be honest about something like that, so with those boundaries set in place...not a lot of room for transparency to be honest. I think he could have definitely used more tact, but for lots of men it can be really complicated making a point without being really direct, it's a lot harder for men to come up with some gentle and appropriate message and want to avoid any unpleasant confrontation/situation, especially when for them it's something that they're probably figuring out the best way to say or do something...usually resulting in failure...sometimes I honestly don't know if there is a right way to do things to address certain situations because of the circumstances I've already mentioned...there just isn't a clear way that men understand on how to approach things and if they make a mistake, well they usually pay the price for it without much forgiveness, even if they were just being a bit clueless, stupid and naive or insensitive. My advice would be like hey, next time you've got something to tell me like this, make sure you do it in person...DO NOT text me about anything important or new for that matter, make it clear how you want to be communicated with and exactly how, that might be frustrating but like most men he's not going to figure it out on his own unless it's through trial and error and that in itself can be a very stressful and frustrating process...so take care of that communication aspect of it. As far as addressing the issue, that's up to you to decide...he's clearly not crazy about it, I think you should just kind of take a few days and figure out how this makes you feel, if you're like this is ridiculous then tell him he's got to accept it, that it doesn't bother you. If you're like ok, you're kind of a douchebag for the way you went about it, but I'll go ahead and wax it or keep it maintained if that's what you like...then take care of business and tell him he better do something nice to make it up to you, you have the option of not making this a big deal and being sensitive about it but that's your choice and how you feel, but you can just patch it up that way...although it's understandable if you're disappointed, you should let him know your boundaries...if he's commenting on too much about you, your body, style, then he's trying to change you, and that's definitely not going to work. Personally I don't know if women shave their crack, I've dated women who got everything waxed (brazilian) as they really hated their body hair or were hairy, others got it lazered off or just took care of it somehow...some had zero body hair so they had to do nothing anyway....I don't recall hairy butt cracks (not really looking to be honest, but I'll assume you're a brunette if he noticed) so not sure what my reaction would be if any, maybe you should post a picture of a hairy butt on the internet that looks like yours, then we can decide as an LS family how serious the problem is. Edited June 25, 2014 by Ninjainpajamas 2
Glinda.Good Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Personally, I find it hot. The butt hairs, or texting about them? 4
Author whatisthiss Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 To Ninja: very practical advice. I crafted a better message to him highlighting those points and said that I've love to talk about this more later IN PERSON. Hopefully we will laugh about this later
Lani Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 To Ninja: very practical advice. I crafted a better message to him highlighting those points and said that I've love to talk about this more later IN PERSON. Hopefully we will laugh about this later You mean you still want to talk about it? Are you going to do anything about the hair? 2
Author whatisthiss Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Yeah, I still want to talk about it. Am I? Don't know yet. I didn't make an instant decision. Anything in a relationship that one partner desires of the other to CHANGE is worthy of a discussion. I don't care if it's about hair or about moving in together. As two adults, I want to be able to talk in person about things. Yes I do. 3
Lani Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Yeah, I still want to talk about it. Am I? Don't know yet. I didn't make an instant decision. Anything in a relationship that one partner desires of the other to CHANGE is worthy of a discussion. I don't care if it's about hair or about moving in together. As two adults, I want to be able to talk in person about things. Yes I do. Just seems as though bringing it up again and again would be more embarrassing, no? The whole thing just seems a little unnecessary to me.. 4
lollipopspot Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 (edited) He means the type that you find on some girls in the crack (so not all over the thing). He said it can be somewhat "displeasing" but that he's got some too, and offered to smooth it out if I do the same. Jerk. If it's so terrible, what's he been doing walking around with a hairy butt? Stop doing any kind of sex where he sees your butt. Next he'll be complaining about your cellulite or the color of your anus. I pretty much think when you sleep with someone you need to try to accept their body as-is (with some exceptions, this isn't one of them) unless it's a hygiene issue or they ask for a critique. I predict that even if you shave, your self consciousness about your body around him will go up a lot. Edited June 25, 2014 by lollipopspot 6
Omei Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 OP It is FANTASTIC that your boyfriend is able and comfortable enough with you to share embarrassing topics and be so open BE pleased with this, doing it by text on his part seems to have been the right choice as well since you do seem very embarrassed just by the text. Hey ill make you feel better! And ill say this on my account when I was a teen my first boyfriend suggested I use a cloth or baby wipe or find some method as to make sure I don't leave little toilet paper peices im my vajayjay and that it was unpleasing to the eye when the pants came off....THANK GOD HE TOLD ME!!!! I've been told about my butt too!!!! Now not getting a single TP peice has been a beauty trade of mine for YEARS!!!! Do you feel less embarrassed now? Shave it, dont make a big deal of it look at it in a say that its NICE your man can talk to you and tell you what he desires! Instead of pretending that is good!!! Don't ignore him, or play games you can use this as a step forward by shaving it and going about your relationship as if everything is bright and dandy you not making a big deal of this will show him he may very well be able to come to you vocally next time even if its embarrassing and that in a relationship is good communication! That's simply all hes trying to do communicate his desires without trying to hurt your feelings, don't give him hell for it =] 1
Els Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 'Displeasing'? In a text message? He sounds really socially awkward... if it had been really necessary he could just have talked to you about the possibility of both of you shaving. I don't know how much hair I have on my crack, never really been an issue. In fact, I haven't even noticed how much my SO has, though I'm sure he has some... IMO it seems really silly to nitpick to that degree, but each to their own. (Saying that he finds nail polish hot is fine, IMO, totally different from a text message about 'displeasing' body hair. ) 2
Author whatisthiss Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Just seems as though bringing it up again and again would be more embarrassing, no? The whole thing just seems a little unnecessary to me.. It may seem unnecessary but to me it isn't at all. He told me that if I smooth out, he would too. By him saying that, he didn't give me an opportunity to share my opinion about my own hair, or his hair, or anything for that matter. In the end it's LESS embarrassing if brought up in person, because I want a relationship where I can talk about stuff (yes, even like that) with a partner without them hiding behind their phone screen. This wasn't the kind of text I want to receive. And that is why it still should be talked about. Air it out, take away the fear. 1
Author whatisthiss Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Also I should point out that SHAVING that area is not fun at all. Been there, done that. The itch and stubble is no joke. And waxing???? That sounds painful. I may try a trim at first an see how that goes, but I can't handle anything else right now.
Omei Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 It may seem unnecessary but to me it isn't at all. He told me that if I smooth out, he would too. By him saying that, he didn't give me an opportunity to share my opinion about my own hair, or his hair, or anything for that matter. In the end it's LESS embarrassing if brought up in person, because I want a relationship where I can talk about stuff (yes, even like that) with a partner without them hiding behind their phone screen. This wasn't the kind of text I want to receive. And that is why it still should be talked about. Air it out, take away the fear. You want that relationship fantastic! This is the start of it going in this direction yes he may of started by using the phone but I garuntee that if you are accepting and understanding it will open the path to confrontations in person about the more personal things dont ruin the steps it takes to get there! It all has to start somewhere.
TheyCallMeOx Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Well, if he's turned off by your butt hair, and you're turned off that he brought it up in text...you both are going to be turned off and therefore no more sex. Someone's gotta give and I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to be stuck with a woman who can't venture beyond missionary. He probably ain't askin' for anal; just a little touch up on the moon crevice. Most women tend to shave most of their bodies anyways, but if you're the type of woman who grows it all out...then what did he expect? I think you should start shaving your ass, and he should do something as well. So you both can win. The ability to compromise can be a beautiful thing for relationships. Also, tell him to "say it to mah face next time or ima shove it up where the sun don't shine" since you see it as less embarrassing. Honestly, I would've done the same thing...text you. If I told a woman that she had ass hair and I wanted her to shave it, I wouldn't want to tell her in person because I'd feel like she's gonna explode and say "you want me to shave my ass hair? Well, why don't you grow 3 inches on your penis and then we'll talk." I don't want to look at your "who the **** does this guy think I am...requesting that I shave my ass hair..." face when I mention about it. In text, there are no emotions or anything.
Author whatisthiss Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Yeah, no emotions. Man what's wrong with emotions? I'd rather a man tell me about my ass hair in person! For real! To each their own. At least the conversation would be over already instead of having to go back and forth about it on a phone screen. And I still say that shaving your ass crack results in a bad kind of stubble. Do I really need to test this again? I just might, but not without fear :/. 2
Lernaean_Hydra Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 OP Hey ill make you feel better! And ill say this on my account when I was a teen my first boyfriend suggested I use a cloth or baby wipe or find some method as to make sure I don't leave little toilet paper peices im my vajayjay and that it was unpleasing to the eye when the pants came off....THANK GOD HE TOLD ME!!!! I've been told about my butt too!!!! Now not getting a single TP peice has been a beauty trade of mine for YEARS!!!! Hey OP, would it make you feel doubly better to know that I had the SAME EXACT CONVERSATION as Omei did with my high school boyfriend as well? I was mortified and wanted to die and for a long time I still cringed at the thought. That has to be worse than a few wisps of butt hair right? So, as Omei asked "Do you feel less embarrassed now?" Shave it, dont make a big deal of it look at it in a say that its NICE your man can talk to you and tell you what he desires! Instead of pretending that is good!!! Don't ignore him, or play games you can use this as a step forward by shaving it and going about your relationship as if everything is bright and dandy you not making a big deal of this will show him he may very well be able to come to you vocally next time even if its embarrassing and that in a relationship is good communication! That's simply all hes trying to do communicate his desires without trying to hurt your feelings, don't give him hell for it =] I had sooo much more to add but Omei just covered everything beautifully. Please read and take this advice.
Omei Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Yeah, no emotions. Man what's wrong with emotions? I'd rather a man tell me about my ass hair in person! For real! To each their own. At least the conversation would be over already instead of having to go back and forth about it on a phone screen. And I still say that shaving your ass crack results in a bad kind of stubble. Do I really need to test this again? I just might, but not without fear :/. When it comes to how this was communicated your only thinking about how it would of been best for you, try and think about why he texted he prob was worried about your feelings being hurt, he might of been embarrassed to ask he might of worried it would anger you. Like I said it has to start someplace relationships dont come with open books that's why I got so excited he had the balls to take this step in the first place you know most men would just not tell you at all and pretend everything was fine? I shave my butt regularly it doesn't feel horrid anymore not like it used too, you get used to it as if you were shaving the front and im sure you've done that so many times now a itch is hardly on your mind well its the same for the back.
Els Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Someone's gotta give and I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to be stuck with a woman who can't venture beyond missionary. What does this even have to do with shaving the bits? Plenty of women who don't shave are kinky, and vice versa. Most women tend to shave most of their bodies anyways, Wrong, you can Google that up real quick. I think a poster posted a survey among UK women aged 18-35, it was 50/50. Honestly, I would've done the same thing...text you. If I told a woman that she had ass hair and I wanted her to shave it, I wouldn't want to tell her in person because I'd feel like she's gonna explode and say "you want me to shave my ass hair? Well, why don't you grow 3 inches on your penis and then we'll talk." I don't want to look at your "who the **** does this guy think I am...requesting that I shave my ass hair..." face when I mention about it. In text, there are no emotions or anything. You did an excellent job of explaining why some of us find it unattractive for him to do that, actually... Yeah, no emotions. Man what's wrong with emotions? I'd rather a man tell me about my ass hair in person! For real! To each their own. At least the conversation would be over already instead of having to go back and forth about it on a phone screen. And I still say that shaving your ass crack results in a bad kind of stubble. Do I really need to test this again? I just might, but not without fear :/. Look, if you don't want to do it, don't. If you want to do it (for yourself), do. If you find his text unattractive (I would!), well... it sounds like he may not be the right guy for you anyway. 6
Smilecharmer Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 This is a good opportunity for you to express you want all discussions about sex or your relationship to be in person. If he is usually good to you, maybe he really just wasn't sure of the method of discussion. 2
Author whatisthiss Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Alright, many conflicting opinions in this thread. It appears that different personalities react differently to such an issue. That being that, being that the relationship is very good for me overall, and because I'd rather avoid creating unnecessary problems, I told him I would shave it. And I added that I do appreciate his honesty in sharing things with me, but that in the future I would prefer more of an open in-person discussion about such things. So tomorrow I need…. shaving cream, and one of those non-disposable razors…and baby wipes.
Els Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Alright, many conflicting opinions in this thread. It appears that different personalities react differently to such an issue. That being that, being that the relationship is very good for me overall, and because I'd rather avoid creating unnecessary problems, I told him I would shave it. And I added that I do appreciate his honesty in sharing things with me, but that in the future I would prefer more of an open in-person discussion about such things. So tomorrow I need…. shaving cream, and one of those non-disposable razors…and baby wipes. Sounds like a good compromise. He said he'd shave his too if you did, right? Hold him to that. 2
Author whatisthiss Posted June 25, 2014 Author Posted June 25, 2014 Sounds like a good compromise. He said he'd shave his too if you did, right? Hold him to that. Damn right I will 3
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