My husband ignores me

[stillafool]

My family says the same thing. Everyone sees it but him.

 

No I think EVERYONE sees it but you! This man does not love or respect YOU! Why do YOU allow him to treat you this way and still stay????

[redtail]

I am going to distance myself from him. Do the things I like to do, go to libraries, parks, the gym, museums, drives, et cetera... I can't keep making myself accessible and constantly be rejected.

 

I'm so sorry, it can be overwhelming, I know.

 

Your idea of taking care of yourself is a great idea, perhaps this will center you more and you can reevaluate your priorities. While I understand you love your husband, he may not still be, or never was, the person you fell in love with. That realization alone is hard to take, but it may be better for you in the long run once you're ready to address it.

 

Best of luck!

[thekid36]

I am going to distance myself from him. Do the things I like to do, go to libraries, parks, the gym, museums, drives, et cetera... I can't keep making myself accessible and constantly be rejected.

 

He has to know you are not happy. If you truly wants to make this work, then keep track of his actions as opposed to his words. While you decide to distance yourself. If he cares, let him come to you for a change. If not, tell him to take all of his social media and listen to a little Beyoncé. I think you will figure out what song.

[Arabella]

He has to know you are not happy. If you truly wants to make this work, then keep track of his actions as opposed to his words. While you decide to distance yourself. If he cares, let him come to you for a change. If not, tell him to take all of his social media and listen to a little Beyoncé. I think you will figure out what song.

 

You totally inspired me.

 

Here you go, OP:

 

 

Words to live by

[ms.stressed]

Thanks for the input everyone. I'm taking time to work things out. I'm spending the nighy at my sisters house because it's painful laying beside someone whose on their phone ignoring you while your bed together. He got mad when I told him I was going to stay with my sister for a while. I didn't care. I just hate the feeling of going bed with someone who acts like I'm not there.

[thekid36]

Thanks for the input everyone. I'm taking time to work things out. I'm spending the nighy at my sisters house because it's painful laying beside someone whose on their phone ignoring you while your bed together. He got mad when I told him I was going to stay with my sister for a while. I didn't care. I just hate the feeling of going bed with someone who acts like I'm not there.

 

Sort of like you have a roommate from what it sounds like. Can definitely relate to that. You have signed up for a partner, here. Not someone who sits on social media.

 

As foolish as this fool is, maybe it is not the worst thing in the world for him to be showing a little emotion. Just a little bit of fire within his belly. Better than no reaction at all. Let's see what he decides to do next. I think that grill is really fixing to be lit up.

[Leelou]

I've seen his type before... he wants a wifey, but he also wants his life full of his bachelor type activities.

 

Yes, you can get his attention, but unfortunately, only for short bursts of time, and it's going to be a lot of hard work for you to only get a TASTE of what it *should* be like with your own man.

 

That man of yours will act bored with you until the point of losing you, then he will bust an effort to 'get you back' but it's nothing that he can maintain long-term.

 

He's just not built that way.

 

You want your needs filled? This man is not the man. This man will only give you 5% of your needs filled.

That's it.

And you will work 95% hard to even get that little bit from him.

 

And stop saying he's not stepping out on you. Of course he is. That's where all his energy is going. It's what makes his life worth living. The thrill of the chase.

 

Either you give up on wanting your needs fulfilled, or you change the man to one that is actually capable of giving you what you want. This man, you love him yes, but he's not one for being all yours.

[Chubbi]

I'm an AA girl too. And here's the bottom line.

 

It takes two. Don't play a victim if you let someone walk all over you. This man has walked all over you since the beginning of your relationship. He has cheated numerous amount of times, countless times, left you high and dry by yourself, sent texts to other girls after you go to his grandmother's funeral with him. Everyone has told you that your h exhibits unacceptable behavior. But, if you're willing to be down-trodded to the fullest extent, then stfu and stay down there.

[tee527]

I am in same situation

I get pecks only. We have been married two years in oct together three

He says he doesnt want open relationship but spends time texting who knows

He does so much wrong. Lille his personality changes in weekend

He wants to be left alone and for me to go in the other room

He feels he is not being rude he just wants to be alone

I am just tired of it

[tee527]

He has a secret life

My husband does as well

If u want it to change... It wont

I either have to accept or move on

He says he doesnt need to answer to me

Its hard. U love but dont get it back

[SoleMate]

I read your pre-marriage thread from 3 years ago: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/274249-fiancee-wants-open-relationship

 

It seems that everyone replying to you then posted this exact outcome....that he'd get bored easily. And yes, 98% chance he's cheating. His sexual energy is going elsewhere to some lucky Latina(s). However, you can continue to cook, clean, bedwarm, and provide the stable wifey at home to give him that secure feeling, while you get your needs ignored and you get lied to. If you want. I want better for you, you deserve better. A man who doesn't reject you racially or sexually, and who seeks your companionship and provides the same to you.

 

I hope you get enough strength and clarity to see this and set yourself free.

[BetheButterfly]

Yep, same one. I believe in forgiveness. Everyone has the ability the change.

 

Agreed. It is important to forgive, but forgiveness doesn't always mean marrying the person one forgives.

 

When entering into a covenant of marriage, it's important to take into consideration the character of the person you want to be the team partner. While you forgave him, he had not yet proved to you that he has changed.

 

 

I stayed up at night thinking how ironic that his libido was not an issue when he was cheating...now he's faithful and his libido is non existant. I feel like I am not his type (he always liked latinas, I am AA)

 

I think you need to consider divorce. I'm sorry, but this is not the man who is the best for you.

[drallafi]

I am in love with him and I thought love was enough. I know he isn't cheating on me. I had this notion that notion that if you love someone then the problems you face will not be enough to decemate a relationship. "Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." I believe that. I get the impression that if my marriage fails then this belief would be shattered. So, I gotta keep pushing. Everyone has boundaries but I have not reached my breaking point. Call me a glutton for hurt, but I belief our relationship can be saved. We already did counseling and therapy prior to getting married, btw.

 

Yea, he's cheating on you. Lemme guess, you go though his phone, his email, his social media, everything and it's all clean, right? Yea... thought so.

 

FWIW, my girlfriend KNOWS I'm not cheating on her either, except I am.

 

But lets put that to the side for a moment.

 

Let's pretend he's not cheating.

 

Do you really want to live the rest of your life like this?

[lonegirl]

We work different schedules. I work during the week, he works 12 hour weekends. I go to his job to spend time with him and have lunch with him. We talk for 10 minutes and the rest of the time, he is on social media or texting his friends. He doesn't have sex with me unless I get upset. He doesn't deeply kiss me. He pecks me. He says it because his breath stinks.

 

I am not ugly. I have a nice body that I maintain by working out. He says I am attractive to him but he just does not feel like being intimate. He does not want an open relationship either. I am running out of options. I feel ugly, undesired and unwanted by my husband. I have talked to him about this already and there have been no changes. I love sex and intimacy but my husband is not giving me this. We have been together for 10 years married less than 1 year. He was not like this in the beginning of our relationship.

 

I lived an extremely similar situation, together for ten years, married only one and we had no sex at all in this year of marriage (not a single time!). I'm divorced for 4 years now and when we ended our marriage we realized we were just not in love with each other anymore. I'm an attractive woman, in shape, nice hair, nice face, I just couldn't understand his reasons. Everybody is different, my ex husband for example was not the kind of man to sleep around with anything that walked, so he kept himself simply sexless. I don't know if this is the case of your husband but if it's similar then you have your answer. I couldn't handle and asked for the divorce.

[MissBee]

We don't have children. I try to spice things up by wearing sexy lingerie but he says it is sexy and will not touch me. I try to sit on top of him and touch his face, he tells me he is not in the mood or he is busy texting his friends.

 

Ms. Stressed.

 

It takes TWO to make a relationship work.

 

You're the only one invested. Your idea that love conquers all doesn't mean the love of one person. You have a better chance if TWO people are in love and working their butts off to make it work...not where one person is doing all the work. Don't bury your head in the sand and keep wishing on stars...this is real life and real love and real relationships require TWO people interested and invested.

 

You CANNOT love him into being how you want him to be and many women waste their precious lives doing this. Also, forgiveness comes with work. Forgiving someone who is making no effort isn't anything noble...it makes you a doormat.

 

Please check out the site Baggage Reclaim...I feel you'll be able to relate to a lot of the articles and see lots of women like yourself who stay with no-good men, doing all the work for a relationship that is not worth much and where they get little rewards. Hopefully it will help you to love yourself more than you love him and realize you deserve better than this.