Automatic Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 (edited) Hello. I would appreciate some advice. I dated someone I really liked for a short time, but I ended it once it became clear she had unresolved issues. I am still attracted to her and have avoided gatherings where I might see her. I am now beginning to miss our mutual group of friends. I would prefer not to see her, as it just stirs up feelings, but if I want to participate, I will need to accept her being there. I feel I need to toughen up, remind myself why I ended it, go to the event, be polite and get over this small hurtle. Thank you for your thoughts! Edited June 24, 2014 by Automatic Brevity
d0nnivain Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 You can do this. If you do see her be polite but move on quickly. You can always duck out of conversation by saying, I need to go get another drink even if your glass is full. 1
carhill Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 IMO, the work is to let go of the 'reasons', respect and accept her as your past, and focus on the friends you value and engage and feel engaged by them. Is it perfect work? No! That said, the sooner the work gets started, the sooner it ends. Consider such events as 'getting one's feet wet' and, if you slip, that's OK! Remember, you have choices. Yes, you will have thoughts and you will have feelings and you can choose how to process them. 1
Chi townD Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Personally, I would avoid it as much as possible and if it means getting an entirely new set of friends, then so be it.
Elle1975 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Hello. I would appreciate some advice. I dated someone I really liked for a short time, but I ended it once it became clear she had unresolved issues. I am still attracted to her and have avoided gatherings where I might see her. I am now beginning to miss our mutual group of friends. I would prefer not to see her, as it just stirs up feelings, but if I want to participate, I will need to accept her being there. I feel I need to toughen up, remind myself why I ended it, go to the event, be polite and get over this small hurtle. Thank you for your thoughts! What are the unresolved issues? Who broke up with who? Be civil. Eventually you will get used to being around her. If you can't do that, find new friends.
H245 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 (edited) Personally, I would avoid it as much as possible and if it means getting an entirely new set of friends, then so be it. This is what I'm going through as well. I just had to cut a mutual friend loose because she bailed on my birthday to hang out with my ex that night. She already said she was coming and completely bailed and lied as to why. This was after she preached that we were friends and would hang out etc...I might just find new friends myself....such is the downside of dating someone within your social circle Edited June 24, 2014 by H245
todreaminblue Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I can face people regardless of feelings because normally i havent done anything wrong.....that's the only time i would struggle.....when i face someone i have strong feelings for....i dont put them on a pedestal and i know i have as much right to be there as they do, if they approach i am polite...normally...if i dont feel like speaking i look away ......or move away if i can handle it without feeling angry or hurt i speak...... i also take it as growth, gaining strength in spite of what i feel, and no one has power over me...not to keep me away or keep me around...that's mine to control...i hold my head up and am confident in who i am......i did nothing wrong....i am a good person...and then i pray a little bit to hold that stance........smilin...deb
Author Automatic Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 "Elle1975" I wrote out an explanation to your questions. But then I decided it best to keep my post as discreet as possible. I will say the unresolved issue made moving forward impossible for a healthy relationship. Sorry for the mystery! I still like her, which is why I posted the original query. I would like to get on with things and not let our short time together be a burden to either one of us. I hope she and I can become limited friends again within the context of our mutual group. Thank you to everyone for your feedback!
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