peace-maker17 Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 Hi All, I need some advice. My story is somewhat long and complicated. On July 1st, 2012 my ex-wife left and filed for Divorce with my then 9 month old son. Needless to say I was heartbroken and immediately needed Counseling. I was not the best husband. I was verbally abusive often, demeaning, controlling and often not great. My ex-wife hoped I would change when we had a baby, she always mentioned via email when leaving she didn't want my son growing up like I did. My dad is very controlling and I picked up a lot from my Dad growing up. I went to counseling for 1.5 years and sought ways to improve myself. I lost 30 pounds and really made an effort. I pleaded with my ex to come back for a long time.. In the summer of 2012 for a month and a half I only got to see my son for a total of 26 hours. I had to stay in a hotel near her 130 miles from my home. She moved in with her parents. She played keep away and wouldn't let me see my son much. At mediation in Sept of 2012 she agreed to give me Thurs-Sun every other weekend and a wed night. Once she moved closer I would get Thurs-Mon every other weekend plus Wed nights on her weeks. She moved to a town 67 miles from my home in Jan of 2013. I immediately requested the Sun night via my attorney and she did allow me to have him that Sunday night. She also agreed to week on week off starting the end of summer 2014. She posted a few days after mediation on a forum that she made a big mistake and regretted agreeing. She filed a modification in Jan 2014 requesting a psych eval and sole custody. In June 2014 a judge said fine with the psych eval but she must pay. I passed the exam and the psych doctor said nothing was wrong with me. It has been two years of dealing with someone very difficult, she rarely will discuss our son and is very argumentative with me. I feel like after me controlling the relationship so much for 8 years it's the exact opposite now. I have always taken the high road with her and offered for her to see my son on my time, etc. Recently we got into a debate about the 50/50 upcoming and her lawyer claimed it was a technically a self-executing custody provision. My lawyer said it's possible it is. We had a court date scheduled for June 12th, 2014. My ex works 12 hour shifts on weekends, my lawyer proposed the following: I get Thurs-Mon on my weeks, on her weeks Fri-Sun evening. I also get 10 vacation days, week on week off in the summer plus split holidays. Basically it's 4 hours short of 50/50. I agreed and that's done. My ex still after two years has a lot of hatred for me. She has done a lot of cruel stuff to me. I didn't see my son for his 1st Birthday, just really mean harsh things. I could list a ton of them but just has just been extremely cruel. I am so proud I have stepped up as a Dad and have nearly 50/50. We just got back from a cruise and have one other planned. I am struggling greatly missing my family despite my ex being a total jerk. I know I can be happy in life without her but I want my family. I guess I still have trouble accepting it's over. I am dating and love my time with my son. I just can't fathom putting my son through the pain of seperated parents when I know we could have fixed things or can fix things. When we got back from the cruise he didn't want to go back with her, and asked if Daddy could go to her house. It nearly killed me. He was crying and upset. I have debated on telling her I forgive her for the things she has done and telling her I miss her, but she seems to want no part of me. I think it's obvious I miss my family to her. Help..
Omei Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 Because your relationship was verbally abusive on your part I doubt that she could ever see you in a different light the things you said to her stick within her mind clearly since she was in love with you while you said them it fuels her hate, I speak from exp. Good new tho about your son he may be confused and upset sometimes you are not around as much, the divorce won't affect him too badly it will be how things are and the only way he's known them since you guys divorced at 9 months he will have never had that family together first then breaking experience he will be fine, this effects you more than it does him. The biggest issue is your ex using your son to get revenge which is unfair having you not come to his birthday party IS something that will effect him. She needs to find some other way of dealing with her anger than using her son for revenge it hurts you yes but over time it will effect him more not allowing you in.
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