Jump to content

Everyone is getting married and I'm trying to figure what to eat for breakfast...

iDrumKing

By iDrumKing
in Getting Married

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

iDrumKing Established Member

iDrumKing

Posted
Posted

So I'm 21 and soon to be done with college. It seems like everyday I log onto Facebook, I see 4-5 new engagements from people my age or younger.

 

Now I'm not against it by any means. When you're ready, you're ready (I'm guessing).

 

My question is more in the basket of curiosity. Why the rush?

 

Just to express my opinion, I think there's still A LOT of growing to do even in your twenties. I've only scratched the surface of mine. I would just find it SOOO difficult to be in that type of commitment, while I'm still figuring things out. I feel like there's a sense of urgency being pushed on my generation.

 

Yes, I know these things happen all the time and to repeat I'm not against it. Just want to hear some different takes on this.

  • Like 5
pink_sugar Established Member

pink_sugar

Posted
Posted
So I'm 21 and soon to be done with college. It seems like everyday I log onto Facebook, I see 4-5 new engagements from people my age or younger.

 

Now I'm not against it by any means. When you're ready, you're ready (I'm guessing).

 

My question is more in the basket of curiosity. Why the rush?

 

Just to express my opinion, I think there's still A LOT of growing to do even in your twenties. I've only scratched the surface of mine. I would just find it SOOO difficult to be in that type of commitment, while I'm still figuring things out. I feel like there's a sense of urgency being pushed on my generation.

 

Yes, I know these things happen all the time and to repeat I'm not against it. Just want to hear some different takes on this.

 

I don't see many young people getting married. I see many young people having kids more often. I agree there shouldn't be a rush for either.

  • Like 7
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted

To be fair, I don't know too many people at all getting married at 21 or younger. But yeah, 23 onwards, there was a surge in them after everyone graduated from college.

 

It's really an individual thing. I think it does work out for some people - they just wanted to settle down quickly (and usually they also wanted to have children early, so that all of their kids would be out of the house before they retire). On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with waiting either, so you shouldn't force yourself if you don't feel ready. Anyone who pressures you to start can go take a long walk off a short cliff. :)

 

Personally I would rather wait until at least 29 or something, but that could be influenced by the fact that I don't want kids.

  • Like 3
Smilecharmer Established Member

Smilecharmer

Posted
Posted

I don't notice people marrying really early either. I think it is an important decision that takes a certain amount of maturity that twenty one year olds don't always have. Plus, live life a little before making huge decisions. After all, I knew I was only going to do this once so I wanted to be absolutely sure.

  • Author
iDrumKing Established Member

iDrumKing

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Interesting...

 

Maybe it's a location thing?

  • Like 1
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
Interesting...

 

Maybe it's a location thing?

 

Could be. The country I grew up in was Asian, so it was pretty unheard-of for a man to marry until he at least had a stable career (and some people wen beyond that to needing to be able to afford a house, etc first). The country I'm currently in is Caucasian and very liberal, so there are no such cultural requirements and thus there are a wider range of marital ages. But people seemed to enjoy being single and free in their college years anyway, so marriage before graduation was still rare (plus a few people seem to find marriage principally irrelevant).

xxmusical Established Member

xxmusical

Posted
Posted
It seems like everyday I log onto Facebook, I see 4-5 new engagements from people my age or younger.

 

Totally understand this. I haven't gone on Facebook for only 2 days and the first thing on my newsfeed was 2 of my FB friends getting engaged. And not just that, but up until June this year, LOADS of my other FB friends were engaged, some of whom were younger than me (why are they marrying so young? And how could they afford it?) and older than me (which is understandable). These are friends who are from both western and Asian countries. I'm in my mid-20s, in a LTR longer than most of them, yet, I'm not engaged yet lol jk :lmao:

 

Like you, what I don't understand is why the rush for marriage when they're still so young (fresh grads or started working for 1-2 years). What I'm seeing with people marrying so young (according to those on my FB) is either A) the guy's family is rich (thus, could afford everything without needing to save up money!) or B) the guy is older, late 20s or early 30s, so he wants to marry ASAP even if the girl is still in her early 20s.

  • Like 1
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted

 

Like you, what I don't understand is why the rush for marriage when they're still so young (fresh grads or started working for 1-2 years). What I'm seeing with people marrying so young (according to those on my FB) is either A) the guy's family is rich (thus, could afford everything without needing to save up money!) or B) the guy is older, late 20s or early 30s, so he wants to marry ASAP even if the girl is still in her early 20s.

 

Yep, this has been my observation amongst the Asians I know who married early, too. The girls I know who married immediately after graduation had husbands who had been working for several years already. None of the guys in my class married immediately.

 

I think some Western cultures don't take finances/career into consideration for marriage timing, though. I know a few Western couples who married while both of them were still in college (though they were still older than 21).

  • Like 1
kiss_andmakeup Established Member

kiss_andmakeup

Posted
Posted

I think it must be your social circle. I can only think of one or two people in my circle of friends and acquaintances who got married at age 21 or younger. I just turned 27, and it's been pretty much wedding-palooza for the past year or two, and will continue to be for probably the next three years (basing that on my friends who are currently engaged or about to be).

 

I think that while every situation is unique, there are precious few people who are truly ready for marriage at age 21. I shudder to think where I'd be now if I had married the guy I was with when I was that age. Yikes.

  • Like 3
pink_sugar Established Member

pink_sugar

Posted
Posted (edited)
Interesting...

 

Maybe it's a location thing?

 

Definitely. My husband's brother and his wife married at 18...his family didn't think much of it since it's apparently more common in southern states. It also had to do with her not being a legal resident.

 

I got married at 19, for financial and personal reasons. Where I live, it's definitely more uncommon. I didn't see myself with anyone else and didn't want to be just living together. We lived together a year before marriage. If I could.go back, I would have waited longer, but it's not a big deal. I think rushing into having kids is a bigger deal that gets overlooked more easily. We've been married 6 years and probably won't have kids for another 7. I know a girl who is 25 and just had her third baby.

Edited by pink_sugar
  • Like 1
MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted

I don't think there is a rush either.

 

I'm sure for some people it doesn't feel rushed and for some it works out but for me, I'm happy I didn't get married in my late teens or early twenties. I've grown soooo much and have become a lot stabler since then and think marrying now or after this point in my life will lead to a more stable and solid commitment than if I had done so earlier in life.

 

During college and shortly after we graduated I did know a few people who tied the knot, most had been together since freshman year. But now that Im in my mid twenties there are a lot more wedding, babies and engagement announcements, practically everyday.

  • Like 1
  • 3 weeks later...
lucy_in_disguise Established Member

lucy_in_disguise

Posted
Posted

I'm late twenties and have experienced the "everyone's getting married" phenomena twice at this point- right after college, and again starting about 2 years ago.

 

(I have managed to stay legally unattached through both.)

 

Some of my friends are a little older and I'll tell you this- stats don't lie. Many of the couples who must have been part of the first cohort (married early twenties) are now contributing to another phenomenon, "half my friends are getting divorced".

 

So fcvk what everyone else does... Do what's right for you.

  • Like 5
mattny Established Member

mattny

Posted
Posted

All my friends are married/popping out babies/buying houses. And here I am at 31 just getting my life BACK in order...I feel like I lost 7 years of my life to go back to square one and rebuild but like everyone says, do you and when it feels right, do it.

Shepp Established Member

Shepp

Posted
Posted

Yeah, i'm not the only guy in my social circle to be engaged.. that said I don't think its that common these days.

 

 

Depends what you want out of life doesn't it! What do you want to spend your twenties doing - my career is where I want it i'm not interested in searching out more money, i'd like to see a bit more of the world but I like home, im not interested in working in a bar in Australia fro 6 months or whatever. What I really want to do with my time is take my kids to the zoo, coach the footie team, hit the beach with my fiancée & kids. That's what I want out of life so im going to make it happen - whys that any less worthwhile than the hotshot chasing his first million. You can't just sit around kicking stones on the curb waiting for a time that other folks are happy with to make your life what you want it to be, nothings certain, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow - gotta take the bull by the horns!

  • Like 2
lucy_in_disguise Established Member

lucy_in_disguise

Posted
Posted
Yeah, i'm not the only guy in my social circle to be engaged.. that said I don't think its that common these days.

 

 

Depends what you want out of life doesn't it! What do you want to spend your twenties doing - my career is where I want it i'm not interested in searching out more money, i'd like to see a bit more of the world but I like home, im not interested in working in a bar in Australia fro 6 months or whatever. What I really want to do with my time is take my kids to the zoo, coach the footie team, hit the beach with my fiancée & kids. That's what I want out of life so im going to make it happen - whys that any less worthwhile than the hotshot chasing his first million. You can't just sit around kicking stones on the curb waiting for a time that other folks are happy with to make your life what you want it to be, nothings certain, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow - gotta take the bull by the horns!

 

I always love reading your posts, shepp, you seem like such a upbeat and positive guy.

 

I totally agree that the worst thing you can spend your twenties (or any other time) doing, is waiting for love/ happiness to happen to you. Unfortunately, when it comes to marriage, I do think a lot of people, especially women, are guilty of that.

  • Like 1
  • 4 weeks later...
Molly01 Member

Molly01

Posted
Posted

I haven't seen such a rush with people at a gae below 21, but I have seen it with girls when they reach 24 or 25. I agree that you shouldn't rush, sometimes a rushed decision like that will turn your entire life upside down.

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

As an older person who's seen a lot let me assure you that you are the only smart one in the group. At a certain age, teens through young 20s, people are too immature to realize how marriage at a young age and especially having kids young is going to derail their lives and make them much harder. Sure, fall in love all you want, but use protection. This is the time to both have fun and to follow your dreams. Not to place yourself in a rut that in a year's time you'll be struggling to figure out how to get out of. And if you have kids young, you're stuck with few alternatives.

  • Like 2
Sarabi Established Member

Sarabi

Posted
Posted
When you're ready, you're ready (I'm guessing).

 

My question is more in the basket of curiosity. Why the rush?

 

Based on the people I know, I would not say they are truly, mentally ready. Glitz, glamour and a pretty dress yes...but I think there's a lot more to marriage than that. And if you are that young perhaps you don't realise it. Forever is a long time...:confused:...

 

Anyway, as for the rush to marry...From the people I know...in my opinion...to get married young, I knew mostly Christian people and some muslims/sikhs. I think for the ones who married young(mostly Christian and under 25-to me that is very YOUNG to get married!) it is little more than to prevent promiscuity. I don't believe they are more responsible or more in love or necessarily well suited to each other...

 

People I know who have children young...I think they do it more for selfish reasons. I have heard the carrying on the genes/family name line...I don't believe that is a good reason to have children. Especially as the majority of them are not really comfortable/stable themselves. Also some do it to get more benefits and even assistance with housing/paying rent.

 

And making the decision to have children whilst you need to rely heavily on government assistance to be able to live/bring them up is not something that should be encouraged or rewarded. However, I know of various people in this situation...:(

  • Like 1
Mysterio Established Member

Mysterio

Posted
Posted

Rushing never works. Then again. If you are with a great person. Why wait. For me. I am 43. The only way I would get married in a year is that she would have to be very phenomenal for me to even make that step.

 

She would have to be very ideal as well. No major ex's. No kids or 1 at the most. Her family and friends get along with me and vice versa. No hang ups. I still would be hesitant. There would have to be major compelling reasons for me to marry her. Like she was on a work visa and she convinced me I was the love of her life. No physical attraction is going to sway me.

 

Our personalities would really have to mesh well.

  • Like 1
Mysterio Established Member

Mysterio

Posted
Posted (edited)

I am from Canada. If I look at my friends. Most of them got married late 20's. No one got married earlier than that. Some were mid 20's. Most who got married. The longest was 5/9 yrs at the most.

 

I know a couple that have been together for 12 yrs and they are not married. I don't know how the woman in that situation can stand it. Its not like her BF was married before. I know that she wants to get married. I don't know how her BF can put her off. Its not like she is going to mess around on him or anything like that. So he is on easy street. I guess she figures that she won't get another guy right away.

Edited by Mysterio
  • Like 1
rester Established Member

rester

Posted
Posted

Twenty-one is really young, in my opinion. The only friends I had that got married that early were divorced by 30, sometimes twice. I had a few friends that got married around 23/24, but after that they were sprinkled about once a year until my early 30s. Once 30-35 came around, the marriage rush hit my social circle.

  • Like 1
Mysterio Established Member

Mysterio

Posted
Posted

My buddy D met his wife at age 32 and married her 11 months later at 33. She was technically sepereated but not divorced. They had 2 kids beween 2005 and 2007. She wanted out with no councelling in March of 2008. She hooked up with another guy right away. She had a kids with the new guy by summer of 2009. She broke up with him by Dec 2009. She is now on guy # 4 since my friend D got divorced.

 

Some of us really have to go slow. Not 10 yrs but 3 at least. Esspecially when your SO has been married before.

 

D realy should have gotten out before he married her. This actually made me slow down myself. I am able to project where someone is. When I was with my ex in 2012. We went out for 5 months. By month 3 it was over for me. Month 4 and 5 was me trying to let it die slowly. I could tell after awhile that we would not be long haul.

 

She is too moody. She made a statement to me that defined how I looked at her. She said if you think we are just going to be on the sofa making out without a ring on my finger. You got another thing coming. She thinks that being married within a year is fine. I don't see it that way.

 

Bottom line is that getting married too young and fast is disasterous. I say Year 1 is fun. Year 2 is assesing lifetime commitment. I guess the less baggage one has the easier it is to come together.

 

For me at this stage in a detailed way. Single/Childless or one shild. Divorced or Widowed. She really wants us together. I can't even be just some guy that she is having fun with. I have to feel like its a strong spritual connection beyond Sex and Social status. Close in age. Or 30 to 47 or so. I want us to look good together. I want to feel like we are a good match.

YelloJane Member

YelloJane

Posted
Posted

not everyone I'm getting divorced soon ha! ;)

mikethemechanic Established Member

mikethemechanic

Posted
Posted
My buddy D met his wife at age 32 and married her 11 months later at 33. She was technically sepereated but not divorced. They had 2 kids beween 2005 and 2007. She wanted out with no councelling in March of 2008. She hooked up with another guy right away. She had a kids with the new guy by summer of 2009. She broke up with him by Dec 2009. She is now on guy # 4 since my friend D got divorced.

 

Some of us really have to go slow. Not 10 yrs but 3 at least. Esspecially when your SO has been married before.

 

D realy should have gotten out before he married her. This actually made me slow down myself. I am able to project where someone is. When I was with my ex in 2012. We went out for 5 months. By month 3 it was over for me. Month 4 and 5 was me trying to let it die slowly. I could tell after awhile that we would not be long haul.

 

She is too moody. She made a statement to me that defined how I looked at her.

She said if you think we are just going to be on the sofa making out without a ring on my finger. You got another thing coming.
She thinks that being married within a year is fine. I don't see it that way.

 

Bottom line is that getting married too young and fast is disasterous. I say Year 1 is fun. Year 2 is assesing lifetime commitment. I guess the less baggage one has the easier it is to come together.

 

For me at this stage in a detailed way. Single/Childless or one shild. Divorced or Widowed. She really wants us together. I can't even be just some guy that she is having fun with. I have to feel like its a strong spritual connection beyond Sex and Social status. Close in age. Or 30 to 47 or so. I want us to look good together. I want to feel like we are a good match.

That happened to someone I knew, first she said that then later stated that the ring must cost $10,000 these demands were superseded by an expensive wedding dress and on and on, in short their relationship never did materialize.

SummerDreams Established Member

SummerDreams

Posted
Posted

In my country and especially in the villages people do get married very early, in the early twenties, and they have kids as well. This results in many divorced people at their 40's with grown up kids who remarry, have more kids with the second spouse and so on. I guess the mentality is that the parents should be close to age with their kids or that the destination of a person is to get married and have kids. Moreover these people don't care about what is going on in their house rather than what they show to others. I'm not against marriage but I think that people are not mature enough to make such a life commitment at their 20s.

  • Like 2
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...