coralsmith Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I know having sex with an ex is usually heavily frowned upon, but bear with me... So my ex is not the type to show his feelings/emotions easily. He doesn't really deal with them that well, and though we dated for 4 months, I only truly started to understand him after we broke up. He broke up with me due to pressures of the situation we were in (he had plans to go traveling, I am 2 years older and in a different place in my life than him). When we were together, it was really amazing. I would be ecstatic just sitting next to him watching TV, and we had a great sex life. Before dating me, he had ex girlfriends, none serious and a LOT of ONS. He frequently commented on how I meant a lot to him, how sex with me was very different to anything he'd experienced before due to emotions involved etc. He said he'd lost interest in other girls completely, which I think surprised him 2 weeks after we broke up, I went to see him to clear the air and for some closure. We had a chat and it felt good to see him and say my bit. We cuddled a bit, and he started trembling - a lot. He seemed really shocked and said he'd never wanted someone so badly. We didn't have sex at this point because I wouldn't let it happen. Since our break up, he hasn't reverted to the sleeping around he used to, though I know he has had one ONS. He has also told me it's not the same anymore and that he doesn't enjoy ONS now. He came round a few months later for a chat, to say bye (he's moving out of town) and pick up something he'd forgotten at mine. We were on good terms and then we started kissing/cuddling. It got very heated, and I could tell he wanted to, but he refused to have sex with me and left. I found it really confusing because he'd had such a strong physical reaction being around me last time, and he was clearly still attracted to me, so why wouldn't he want to, as neither of us are seeing people? Part of me believes he isn't over me yet - like I mentioned earlier, he isn't good at handling his emotions and I think he did have strong feelings for me he didn't really know how to deal with. He's the type to bury his emotions and refuse to deal with them, whereas I cried a lot, got it out of my system, and began to move on. But he'd had ONS in the past so can clearly separate emotions from sex? I know there is taboo about sleeping with an ex and I'm not trying to force it to happen, I just would like some perspective on the situation, particularly from anyone with similar experiences. From my POV, I still care for him and have feelings for him - the main problem in our relationship that we couldn't work around was the situation we were in, rather than our feelings etc. I have accepted that it's over and I am happy at the moment, but at the same time I am open to the idea of meeting with him when he gets back to reassess things. I haven't said this to him because I know neither of us can predict where we will be in a years time, but I am under the impression he is thinking along the same lines.
ThorntonMelon Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 You're not going to know. It could be one of many things, we're not him, and anything would be guessing. That being said, the good news is it doesn't matter. A year from now you'll both be in very different places and if you're both single and open to it, you'll be able to figure it out then with more time to work through the hiccups.
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