Double Standard Some Women Hold Men To

[chucksagent]

Ok, this is hard to describe, so I will do my best.

 

Old school men AND women, tended to always try to look their best when leaving the house.

 

Moreso, in the modern era, women tend to still do this and men can get lazy at times and not try as hard. I have heard COUNTLESS women complain to their female friends or to me or a male friend about how their boyfriend, husband, fiancee, etc. makes no effort to dress when he goes out with her, but will dress up for a night out with the boys.

 

YET, I have seen AND experiences, girlfriends, fiancess, wives, dress up MORE when going out with her girlfriends OR her family, and less so when with you or your family. OBVIOUSLY not at first during honeymoon phase, but later on in the relationship. Now, it wouldn't be an issue if she dressed down around EVERYONE, but why dress up with her girlfriends and family, but not around you (significant other) and your family?

 

Now, the best part, if you gave her **** or she brought it up to her friends that you made a stink about it, they would act like you are nuts. HOWEVER, if roles were reversed, and you dressed up when going out with the boys, and not so when with her, they would all be like "What a bum, why can't he dress up when he goes out with you like when he goes out with them?"

 

The biggest example is "doing your hair." Many women AND men out there, fix their hair the SAME WAY everyday no matter who or where they are going. But some girls with longer hair, don't want to straighten it or curl it for every event, and will throw it in a pony tail for lesser important events.

 

So does this mean she views your and/or your family as less important? And thus why she does her hair or gets dressed up when going out with the girls and her family and not with you? And more importantly, why the double standard?

 

Why when a girl does it, she's "just dressing how she feels" but when a man does it, he is neglecting his wife and looking for women when hes out with his guys?

[TXGuy]

While I think there are plenty of double standards going both ways, I can't get very worked up over this one.

 

She might dress up in her designer labeles for her girlfriends because her girlfriends care about that kind of thing and will ooh and ahh over it. Whereas I probably won't notice. Or if I do, my reaction won't be much more that a quick 'nice outfit.'

[Elle1975]

Ok, this is hard to describe, so I will do my best.

 

Old school men AND women, tended to always try to look their best when leaving the house.

 

Moreso, in the modern era, women tend to still do this and men can get lazy at times and not try as hard. I have heard COUNTLESS women complain to their female friends or to me or a male friend about how their boyfriend, husband, fiancee, etc. makes no effort to dress when he goes out with her, but will dress up for a night out with the boys.

 

YET, I have seen AND experiences, girlfriends, fiancess, wives, dress up MORE when going out with her girlfriends OR her family, and less so when with you or your family. OBVIOUSLY not at first during honeymoon phase, but later on in the relationship. Now, it wouldn't be an issue if she dressed down around EVERYONE, but why dress up with her girlfriends and family, but not around you (significant other) and your family?

 

Now, the best part, if you gave her **** or she brought it up to her friends that you made a stink about it, they would act like you are nuts. HOWEVER, if roles were reversed, and you dressed up when going out with the boys, and not so when with her, they would all be like "What a bum, why can't he dress up when he goes out with you like when he goes out with them?"

 

The biggest example is "doing your hair." Many women AND men out there, fix their hair the SAME WAY everyday no matter who or where they are going. But some girls with longer hair, don't want to straighten it or curl it for every event, and will throw it in a pony tail for lesser important events.

 

So does this mean she views your and/or your family as less important? And thus why she does her hair or gets dressed up when going out with the girls and her family and not with you? And more importantly, why the double standard?

 

Why when a girl does it, she's "just dressing how she feels" but when a man does it, he is neglecting his wife and looking for women when hes out with his guys?

 

Never heard of that. Matter of fact, I was at the movies a few days ago and a bunch of guys entered the theater wearing sandals and nylon shorts.

 

Not saying it's not true, never had this problem though.

[rester]

Not worth getting worked up over. Your isolated experience doesn't apply to all women, and may not even apply to most.

 

My girlfriend gets dressed up when we go out sometimes, and sometimes she doesn't. I really don't care either way, as long as what we are wearing is suitable for the occasion.

[GemmaUK]

Ok, this is hard to describe, so I will do my best.

 

Old school men AND women, tended to always try to look their best when leaving the house.

 

Moreso, in the modern era, women tend to still do this and men can get lazy at times and not try as hard. I have heard COUNTLESS women complain to their female friends or to me or a male friend about how their boyfriend, husband, fiancee, etc. makes no effort to dress when he goes out with her, but will dress up for a night out with the boys.

 

YET, I have seen AND experiences, girlfriends, fiancess, wives, dress up MORE when going out with her girlfriends OR her family, and less so when with you or your family. OBVIOUSLY not at first during honeymoon phase, but later on in the relationship. Now, it wouldn't be an issue if she dressed down around EVERYONE, but why dress up with her girlfriends and family, but not around you (significant other) and your family?

 

Now, the best part, if you gave her **** or she brought it up to her friends that you made a stink about it, they would act like you are nuts. HOWEVER, if roles were reversed, and you dressed up when going out with the boys, and not so when with her, they would all be like "What a bum, why can't he dress up when he goes out with you like when he goes out with them?"

 

The biggest example is "doing your hair." Many women AND men out there, fix their hair the SAME WAY everyday no matter who or where they are going. But some girls with longer hair, don't want to straighten it or curl it for every event, and will throw it in a pony tail for lesser important events.

 

So does this mean she views your and/or your family as less important? And thus why she does her hair or gets dressed up when going out with the girls and her family and not with you? And more importantly, why the double standard?

 

Why when a girl does it, she's "just dressing how she feels" but when a man does it, he is neglecting his wife and looking for women when hes out with his guys?

 

You sound really narked about this.

 

Sometimes it's just because we're just going somewhere nice and new rather than just to a local place with a bunch of friends.

 

Ho do you dress and where do you go when you take your lady out?

 

Is there ever a difference to somewhere else you go or something else you do?.

 

If my guy only ever wears sweatpants and a t-shirt I actually wouldn't go out with him unless he is on the way to or from the gym.

If he wears jeans and trainers then I wear trainers too.

 

Ultimately though you wear what is appropriate for where you are going.

If however you have not been to that kind of a venue (nightclub or restaurant for a while then you relish the idea of having somewhere to go where you dress up.

 

Some women love love love to dress up but rarely ever get the chance.

[DArtagnan2]

I like when a gal puts her hair up or in a pony tail. well, as long as its clean that is.

[jbelle6]

I dress according to the venue. I won't wear a ball gown to a concert, or sweats to a fine dining establishment. If I was meeting the girls at a restaurant with a wine bar I will be more dressed up than if my guy takes me to a pub.

 

Not sure what you are talking about. Same for men, the guys I dated that didn't put much effort into clothes didn't make more of an effort when out with friends or family either.

[MissBee]

Never heard of that. Matter of fact, I was at the movies a few days ago and a bunch of guys entered the theater wearing sandals and nylon shorts.

 

Not saying it's not true, never had this problem though.

 

 

I've not heard of it either.

 

I can't identify this as any kind of common double standard.

 

I feel like all the men I've dated pretty much dress the same all the time. They have a "going out style" and that's what they wear once out and it doesn't matter if it's with me or their friends. I only had one boyfriend where initially I wasn't fond of his clothes and he asked me to help him change up his style and I did and then it pretty much became a thing that before he went out, with me or by himself, he'd ask my input on what looked good together. My current guy, he dresses the same whether going out with me or his brother or his friends. If anything he may dress nicer with me because he usually asks about dress code, as when he's with me we tend to do fancier things whereas with the guys they do casual thing, so he always wants to look nice and probably puts more thought into it when we're going out.

 

I also am someone who dresses up when I'm going out pretty much all the time. I tend to err on the side of being overdressed most times and it doesn't matter if I'm going out with my gfs or bf. Some days I dress up more than others but I don't think he'd ever complain that I don't dress up for him but do for my friends as I'm the type that once I'm headed out the door I'm going to try to look good....I remember once a friend of mine said that you need to always look good as you never know when you'll run into your ex and you don't want them to think you fell off after them lmao . While I could care less about my exes and don't really live close to any of them, I kinda understood that philosophy but in a more general sense so tend to look nice because I never know who I'll see.

 

If a woman does this to you though...as someone else said maybe she feels like you won't notice or care but her friends will or maybe her family cares and comments more about fashion so she finds that it makes her try harder. As they say, women dress for other women not men.

Edited June 21, 2014 by MissBee

[chucksagent]

MissBee - EPIC POST! Thank you! I said the SAME thing to the girls I know, I am like your boyfriend, I wear khaki short and a polo whether its wings with the boys or dinner with my girl...now of course, if its a fancy place, I will wear dress pants and a button down. But for most guys who aren't lazy bums, it's the SAME outfit or dress accordingly to the venue.

 

 

AND YES, many double standards on both sides agreed.

 

 

I guess I would just expect because I am consistent (and like you and your man), logic would dictate MOST people would be consistent IF NOT ERR ON SIDE OF CAUTION...So that's why it was odd to me when she didn't want to do her hair for a party with my family from out of town, and then a few days later she wanted to do her hair just to visit her family who was in from out of town. No consistency at all. And this is FAR from the first time I've seen or heard of a girl do it...and she does it a fair amount. I figured I would ask while it was fresh on my mind. Most girls I know overdress when going out though, and enjoy looking good for all occasions going out.

 

 

I have often made the joke "Do I need to take you to a bar for you to dress sexy?" because like one of you said, girls like using the club/bar as a reason to get dressed up. But guess what, your man likes to see you wear sexy stuff for him too! (And I am not taking super short skirts and **** like that).

[BlueIris]

I have often made the joke "Do I need to take you to a bar for you to dress sexy?" because like one of you said, girls like using the club/bar as a reason to get dressed up. But guess what, your man likes to see you wear sexy stuff for him too! (And I am not taking super short skirts and **** like that).

 

Oh, I hear you. I don't know about double standard, but I would LOVE to see the guys I date in a suit and tie at least sometimes when we go out. But the consistency here- even to a lovely restaurant- is casual slacks and some Tommy Bahama version short sleeved shirt or golf shirt. My cocktail dresses and heels don't come out unless I'm on vacation somewhere else or out with family. I've changed clothes so many times when a date arrives to pick me up, laughing it off as my overdressing. But for heaven's sake.

[chucksagent]

Blue Iris - I suppose that is a very strong point. I just admitted being guilty of that myself - khaki pants or shorts and a polo...lol...I don't USUALLY wear full blown suit and tie to a fancy dinner but slacks or dress pants with button down I wear. If my wife asked me to wear a suit for her I would be HAPPY to But I guess not all men would be happy lol "Suits make me uncomfortable!" I am a lawyer so I am used to suits; they don't bother me at all. But your point is well taken in that men would like to see their woman dress sexy as I am SURE the woman would like to see the man in a suit once in a while. Point being, if such a small thing makes the one we love happy, is it that hard to do once and a while or if they ask?

[central]

To some extent I've seen what you're describing, OP. The most common thing I see - and dislike - is a couple out for dinner where she's nicely dressed and he's a slob in shorts, T-shirt (not even a clean one), and flip-flops. Most men have no clue how to dress.

 

My biggest complaint is that so many people wear flip-flops - and they're not even near a beach. In that case they just look poor, clueless and classless.

[phineas]

Some men just don't care how they look or don't know they dress bad.

Me for instance.

I could of done a Walmart photo shoot with my wardrobe.:-)

Yes Walmart does have a few lines with some nice shirts but for the most part not so much.

 

When I switched it up to nicer clothes it took awhile for friends to stop asking why I'm so dressed up. To me its my standard now.

 

On the whole men still dress like crap I think.

 

When people in relationships dress down all dressed up to go out with friends only I'd say they are either comfortable in the relationship and expect other things to start sliding downhill or they are looking to see what else may be interested in them.

 

Not 100% because people who go out every few months with friends will dress up however, if girls night out is every weekend.....

[BlueIris]

Blue Iris - I suppose that is a very strong point. I just admitted being guilty of that myself - khaki pants or shorts and a polo...lol...I don't USUALLY wear full blown suit and tie to a fancy dinner but slacks or dress pants with button down I wear. If my wife asked me to wear a suit for her I would be HAPPY to But I guess not all men would be happy lol "Suits make me uncomfortable!" I am a lawyer so I am used to suits; they don't bother me at all. But your point is well taken in that men would like to see their woman dress sexy as I am SURE the woman would like to see the man in a suit once in a while. Point being, if such a small thing makes the one we love happy, is it that hard to do once and a while or if they ask?

 

I'm a lawyer, too. Funny.

The thing is... for me, I hate to ask. While professionals are used to dressing like that, at least in court, that attitude you describe is so pervasive: "they make me uncomfortable." I hate to hear that answer, because as he says it, this 40 or 50-something man morphs into a whiney 6 year old in my eyes and all sexual attraction evaporates. Inside, I think, "Yes, they are uncomfortable until you become comfortable in them- much like hose and 2 1/2 inch heels." There is a sexiness sensibility that some people have and some don't, and a big factor in that is dressing to look sexy oneself, raise the bar. Many people are comfortable dressing very well to make money, without second thought, but not to please and tease their partner and keep the current flowing.

I dated a wealthy business man for a bit who ALWAYS dressed down. He said he didn't need to prove anything to anyone. True. He didn't. So I said, "how much effort would you make to attract more women, to have more of them flirt with you, to have more sex? An hour a day? Ten minutes?" He said, "will you take me shopping?" LOL

 

I just had another thought- You know how one of the red flags that your partner is cheating is that he/she starts trying to look better, dresses better, works out, changes style to jazz up? Well, it says a lot doesn't it?

Edited June 21, 2014 by BlueIris

[Antenna_Of_Destiny]

Women dress up in designer label attire to impress other women. If they wanted to impress men, they would just walk around naked with heels.

[chucksagent]

storycheck - You may have SOLVED the riddle entirely. I didn't think of it like that....but my family is WAY more casual than her family. Her mom, aunts and sisters ALL do their hair EVERY time they leave the house (old school), whereas other than my mother who does hair every day, most of my aunts, sisters and cousin are pretty casual. Same with her friends; her female friends ALWAYS dress up...so perhaps she is just dressing for her environment. HOWEVER that segue ways nicely into your next point of balancing comfort v. getting lazy with your significant other....and to take from a different poster, she should WANT to feel sexy around me and dress for me like people in affairs do or trying to impress someone new or when single...and I for her in the same way. All great points folks!

[JDPT]

I don't know where I got this from but I'm always dressed up it's pathetic. I suppose my definition of dressing down is not tucking my button shirt in.