HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 I cant even believe I am writing this it sounds so crazy and it could well be but I just need some words of advice right now x My ex left about 11 months ago (things were difficult to say the least we were both to blame no cheating etc just arguing a LOT, I done a lot of damage he might have walked but I was a b*tch at times didnt cheat but pushed him away constantly) we were together just shy of 3 years and since then around 6 months after the BU I met someone else (I was totally devastated so this was a shock but a nice one and no was not rebound as I dated lots afterwards my BU but this guy stood out for him it didnt work out but it was nice to think I could be interested in someone else, anyway that short one ended back in feb). Now the crazyness... the feeling that my LT ex was the one I would marry has never left me its always been at the back of my mind and just the last couple of weeks I cannot stop thinking about him again, its always been there but not at the forefront as it was in the early days. I have to explain that I have a child from a previous LT 8+ year RS and what I feel towards this one is completely different, I would say I have enough RS experience to know that this is different. Recently (last couple of weeks) I convinced myself he was missing me (he cut me out and blanked me so I have no reason to really think this now but I did) at the same time I hear his new RS is falling apart (probably total coincidence) then fathers day I text him (was so nostalgic and PMT too lol) I text him and said that I know my child isnt his and I know he's not around anymore but he was a better dad than her real dad so happy daddies day. He text back and said "thank you x" (our last correspondence was me having a go (well we both did really! and him saying dont ever text me again) he's blanked me for months (it was a nasty BU) so to get that back from him along with everything Ive been thinking and then things seeming to cement that what Ive been thinking could be true its just thrown me... okay this happened a week ago but its building and building and im at the point of wanting to cry. Guys I dont believe in fate etc but is there something in all this, are we meant to be together or am I going totally cookoo.. he's with someone else why would he even reply after ignoring me for month and my child isnt even his (although I do see him as her dad)... oh help me this is so ridiculous i cant believe I am back here! x
Simon Phoenix Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Yeah, you are overreacting. It seemed like more of a polite response than anything else. He probably is over whatever anger he had toward you, but that doesn't mean that he wants to be together with you or thinks about it. This is why you don't break No Contact when you have feelings -- a simple innocuous text conversation has you acting loopy for no reason. Hate to be the Debbie Downer, but I don't see anything there besides him being polite. 2
KaliLove Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Woah there girlie. One text saying thank you doesn't equal marriage. You need to calm yourself. It doesn't sound to me like there's anything left on his end. He made no effort to try to strike up a conversation with you. He didn't ask about you or your daughter. He made zero effort other than a polite but distant response. Are there other things going on in your life right now that are making you hyper emotional? 1
jbelle6 Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Sounds like he said the bare minimum but was trying to be polite. He just responded to you, it's not like he contacted you. He's with someone else. You might think it's fate and you are destined to live happily every after, problem is, he doesn't. We might perceive things in one way but the other person sees it completely different and there isn't much anyone can do to change that. Are you sure you aren't just missing him because your other relationship didn't work out? Think about that because it's possible.
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 I dont know, I dont think its my previous one ending as that was back in Feb it kicked off about 3 weeks ago I literally woke up one morning and was having these thoughts but not like I was missing him more him missing us and I done nothing about it, then a couple of days later I heard his RS was falling apart but still done nothing but I did think it was odd after what I had been thinking and its gone since then really... I cant explain any better than that x
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 What has added to it is that I suppose I dont get why he would even bother replying after ignoring for so long and when my child isnt actually his (although we were a family) and I would have had a problem with that if I was his GF it just seems odd to me I think it would be better to continue to ignore. I wont do anything about it but I cant lie it is playing on my mind x
Elle1975 Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 I remember an ex calling me after a few months. His words were something like this "I miss you. I have been thinking, and I still love you. Would you want to go to the movies with me next Saturday". Something of that nature. To me a "thank you" is just an indication that he's moved on and is able to be civil. Unless he states otherwise, you're reading into it.
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 Yea I know i was so angry when we last spoke months ago as he was too Im not sure he would even know how to talk to me tbh... I guess maybe it felt like me saying "Im calm" him saying "Im calm" and then waiting on each other but I could be wrong I just think that we never have to see each other again and hes with someone else surely ignoring would be the best path to stay on as by responding in a way he has opened communication again and showed me he will now respond I hate this but I wont do anything further x
Nimbus4dt Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 A state of calm….!!! Am there at the moment and would be very approachable if the other party felt that way also, but only for the right reasons. I guess you'll never know unless you try, deep down it would depend on what you wished for and felt? Sometimes we all have to put our hand through the hole in the wall, not knowing what awaits us the other side, if you reach out I guess you also have to accept that there is a risk of rejection, if you can handle that then fine. Just my view
Simon Phoenix Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 (edited) What has added to it is that I suppose I dont get why he would even bother replying after ignoring for so long and when my child isnt actually his (although we were a family) and I would have had a problem with that if I was his GF it just seems odd to me I think it would be better to continue to ignore. I wont do anything about it but I cant lie it is playing on my mind x He might miss your child. A lot of people don't want to get back with the person they were dating but they miss the child that was involved in the relationship. I had a roommate like this -- he missed his ex-girlfriend's son a ton more than he missed the ex-girlfriend and took her back once more because he developed a bond to her son than because of some longing for her. Either way, he didn't initiate the conversation and he didn't exactly engage in a long conversation. He sent a polite, short response. I know you want it to mean something more, but this response on its own does not. If it ends up meaning anything, he'll initiate and be more talkative in the future. But I wouldn't hold my breath on that. Edited June 20, 2014 by Simon Phoenix
Author HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 He might miss your child. A lot of people don't want to get back with the person they were dating but they miss the child that was involved in the relationship. I had a roommate like this -- he missed his ex-girlfriend's son a ton more than he missed the ex-girlfriend and took her back once more because he developed a bond to her son than because of some longing for her. Either way, he didn't initiate the conversation and he didn't exactly engage in a long conversation. He sent a polite, short response. I know you want it to mean something more, but this response on its own does not. If it ends up meaning anything, he'll initiate and be more talkative in the future. But I wouldn't hold my breath on that. He was brilliant with her so that would make sense thank you x You know the stupidiest thing (Im not sure stupidiest is a word but it worked lol) I dont even think I could take him back even if he did, I cant get over the fact he has been with someone else) I cant help but think this is more wanting to know it wasnt all in vain as when he cut me out so coldly it seemed like it was if that makes some sense x
KaliLove Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Yea I know i was so angry when we last spoke months ago as he was too Im not sure he would even know how to talk to me tbh... I guess maybe it felt like me saying "Im calm" him saying "Im calm" and then waiting on each other but I could be wrong I just think that we never have to see each other again and hes with someone else surely ignoring would be the best path to stay on as by responding in a way he has opened communication again and showed me he will now respond I hate this but I wont do anything further x Honestly, I think ignoring you would have meant more than his answer did. If he ignored you, it would have meant he was still hurt and angry, which would have meant that he still cared. I think his response is indicative of indifference.
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