somecamel Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Hey Guys, I suppose this the next forum in my journey after my breakup and 'moving on'. Anyway, I've done some online dating, mainly POF and Tinder. had a few dates very soon after the break up and they were terrible. Anyway, tried again the other day and met a girl on there, we've met up twice so far, first for a quick drink which was an hour or so, kissed. Went out again yesterday for a drive etc. Now, she's a nice girl, not my 'usual' type I suppose but I want(ed) to give her a chance and also give me a chance to try and get back into it. I've had over 300 text/facebook messages from her and they don't stop even when I don't reply. She keeps on calling me gorgeous and can't understand how I'm single and is really really really over the top with me, she's scaring me ****less. I even had to lie to her saying I was out last night so I had a reason to not be replying so much and her not thinking I'm ignoring her I need advice as to how to deal with this, I'm not good at these situations and would normally run, hide and ignore but I want to face it head on and not be a child anymore (i'm 31:P).
mammasita Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 I guess my first question is why did you give her your facebook info so quick? Regardless, she could just be over-eager and not necessarily crazy. Maybe at this point you should let her know that you dont think that you're ready for dating and you should take a step back......See how she handles it.
PegNosePete Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Run, hide ignore sounds good to me! You've only been on 2 dates, it's acceptable to simply stop responding at this point. Or if you really want to tell her then just let her down gently, say you don't feel a spark or some fluffy BS like that. Mention your feelings rather than any solid reason so she can't dispute it or promise to change. Ignore any reply she sends whether vitriol or begging.
J21 Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 2 dates isn't a long time to warrant any sort of long explanation. Here are 3 options: 1) You can slowly phase out by giving 1 or 2 word replies and delay your replies 2) Stop replying altogether and block 3) Just tell her you don't think you're a good match.
Author somecamel Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 I guess my first question is why did you give her your facebook info so quick? I'm so out of touch that I would normally just accept friend requests if I kind of knew them. I can't even put things on Facebook at the mo because I havnt replied to her last phone call. Regardless, she could just be over-eager and not necessarily crazy. Agreed, I'm probably the crazy one:) Maybe at this point you should let her know that you dont think that you're ready for dating and you should take a step back......See how she handles it. That's probably a good idea:)
aprilisi Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Don't be a coward, be a man and just tell her it won't work out. Or whatever you wish to say, just inform her that its done. If she demands to know why then you can block her or whatever. She may not be crazy yet but if you just pull the disappearing act or slow fade it will. God knows I've done and said things I regret to men who have done this to me 4
ThorntonMelon Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 The slow fade sucks. I've done it, wish I hadn't - wish I was the kind of guy who was a straight shooter. But this is one of those weird situations where if the girl was his dream girl, he'd love the attention. She's not doing anything wrong, she's just not the girl for him. Hard to tell someone that. 1
Author somecamel Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 The slow fade sucks. I've done it, wish I hadn't - wish I was the kind of guy who was a straight shooter. But this is one of those weird situations where if the girl was his dream girl, he'd love the attention. She's not doing anything wrong, she's just not the girl for him. Hard to tell someone that. This is what it is. I want to be straight with her, I text her earlier saying I'm out at mo but we'll chat later, I don't want to string her along but I hate hurting peoples feelings, o well better to do it now than let this continue. Thanks for all the advice guys 1
J21 Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 This is what it is. I want to be straight with her, I text her earlier saying I'm out at mo but we'll chat later, I don't want to string her along but I hate hurting peoples feelings, o well better to do it now than let this continue. Thanks for all the advice guys Good luck man, hoping things can go as smooth as it could.
d0nnivain Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 the slow fade won't work with this chick. She won't get the hint. Sit her down. Tell her that this is not working out for you. Usually I'm an advocate of the clichés when pressed for why & advise people to be vague. With her I'd straight up tell her that 300 messages is a real turn off & you want nothing to do with her. Be polite. Wish her well. Block her on social media & send her e-mails to the spam folder. But keep everything she has ever sent you in case you need to file for harassment / a restraining order. 1
BlueIris Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 I agree with Donnivain. I think you have to tell her its too much and you're not a match, then wish her good luck, that she's great and will find the right guy, etc. If she's this obsessive already, being indirect or giving a general disclaimer to get out of it might be lost on her and might tick her off.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 This is what it is. I want to be straight with her, I text her earlier saying I'm out at mo but we'll chat later, I don't want to string her along but I hate hurting peoples feelings, o well better to do it now than let this continue. Thanks for all the advice guys These two things are contradictory. She is going to be waiting to hear from you, expecting that you actually want to chat. I completely understand why you said it; you seem like a nice guy and I get that you don't want to hurt her. However, these little phrases will give her hope. You're going to need to kindly but firmly tell her that it isn't going to work out for you two.
Author somecamel Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 These two things are contradictory. She is going to be waiting to hear from you, expecting that you actually want to chat. I completely understand why you said it; you seem like a nice guy and I get that you don't want to hurt her. However, these little phrases will give her hope. You're going to need to kindly but firmly tell her that it isn't going to work out for you two. It's her sons birthday today and she was at the zoo with him and some friends, I didn't have the heart to break it then. My mates laugh at me and tell me to just tell her to jog on
Author somecamel Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 Thoughts on this? Trying to keep it jovial... Hi Claire, I'm not good at this stuff so best I'm honest:( All of this has been too much for me, It's stupid but I feel so guilty for even kissing you, obviously I have some issues I need to work out and it's pretty obvious I'm not ready for this yet:( I know it's cliche but it's not you it's me:P You're a great girl and I've really enjoyed the 2 brief dates we've had, like I said you're the first girl I've kissed in nearly 7 months and the only other girl I've kissed in over 7 years so be proud:):) In all seriosness though, if you ever need someone to entertain a crazy party, you know I'm your man and my rates are very reasonsable:) Take Care:)
littleplanet Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Hey Guys, I suppose this the next forum in my journey after my breakup and 'moving on'. Anyway, I've done some online dating, mainly POF and Tinder. had a few dates very soon after the break up and they were terrible. Anyway, tried again the other day and met a girl on there, we've met up twice so far, first for a quick drink which was an hour or so, kissed. Went out again yesterday for a drive etc. Now, she's a nice girl, not my 'usual' type I suppose but I want(ed) to give her a chance and also give me a chance to try and get back into it. I've had over 300 text/facebook messages from her and they don't stop even when I don't reply. She keeps on calling me gorgeous and can't understand how I'm single and is really really really over the top with me, she's scaring me ****less. I even had to lie to her saying I was out last night so I had a reason to not be replying so much and her not thinking I'm ignoring her I need advice as to how to deal with this, I'm not good at these situations and would normally run, hide and ignore but I want to face it head on and not be a child anymore (i'm 31:P). Yow! She's in overdrive, Clive. Deal with it by dealing with it. The more you do the invisible man thing, the more she'll play peekaboo tiddley winks. (emphasis on the winks) So practise step one: She's a nice girl, maybe not your big thrill - but whatever conclusions she's already jumped to don't fit your speed? Just gently......tell her it doesn't work for you. It's only two dates. No love has been lost. Obviously........she's not getting the fact that her 300 messages are not being balanced by your 300. (Possibly she's already having a romance with her own sweet imagination?) - cute.....but not life in the real world. Not life in your world, more to the point. Hopefully, there is no need for step two. 1
Author somecamel Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 (Possibly she's already having a romance with her own sweet imagination?) - cute.....but not life in the real world. Love this:)
J21 Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Thoughts on this? Trying to keep it jovial... Hi Claire, I'm not good at this stuff so best I'm honest:( All of this has been too much for me, It's stupid but I feel so guilty for even kissing you, obviously I have some issues I need to work out and it's pretty obvious I'm not ready for this yet:( I know it's cliche but it's not you it's me:P You're a great girl and I've really enjoyed the 2 brief dates we've had, like I said you're the first girl I've kissed in nearly 7 months and the only other girl I've kissed in over 7 years so be proud:):) In all seriosness though, if you ever need someone to entertain a crazy party, you know I'm your man and my rates are very reasonsable:) Take Care:) Hell no this is the wrong way to go about it. Be direct and give her the closure. I dont know if you are joking or if you are serious in what you're saying there. What is up with all those smiley faces? Seriously you're not 12, take those out jeez. Leave the part out about her being proud kissing you, you aren't some super star that she should be proud of kissing. Be direct, give her closure and cut it clean. 3
Taramere Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Thoughts on this? Trying to keep it jovial... Hi Claire, I'm not good at this stuff so best I'm honest:( All of this has been too much for me, It's stupid but I feel so guilty for even kissing you, obviously I have some issues I need to work out and it's pretty obvious I'm not ready for this yet:( I know it's cliche but it's not you it's me:P You're a great girl and I've really enjoyed the 2 brief dates we've had, like I said you're the first girl I've kissed in nearly 7 months and the only other girl I've kissed in over 7 years so be proud:):) In all seriosness though, if you ever need someone to entertain a crazy party, you know I'm your man and my rates are very reasonsable:) Take Care:) But it is her. Her and her 300 texts/messages. I can't believe there's anybody who wouldn't be put off by that bombardment in such a short time. Assuming that the 300 didn't build up over the course of a few lengthy conversations that you were participating in. Still, there's that sense of "well, if she's so lacking in awareness that she doesn't realise how offputting an onslaught like that would be, what use is there in telling her?" I think your message is nice, and even if it isn't completely honest it's probably the best way to extricate yourself from this. Agree with the above comment about removing the smilies though as they distract from the message. Also taking out the "yet" part of "not ready for this yet". I think that yet could create some false hope. Otherwise that message should give the message clearly enough I would have thought. On the other hand, this is 300 text/message girl we're talking about... 1
Author somecamel Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 Hell no this is the wrong way to go about it. Be direct and give her the closure. I dont know if you are joking or if you are serious in what you're saying there. What is up with all those smiley faces? Seriously you're not 12, take those out jeez. Leave the part out about her being proud kissing you, you aren't some super star that she should be proud of kissing. Be direct, give her closure and cut it clean. I'm trying to let her down gently, we got on, we had a laugh but she is too much, I don't want to upset her.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Hell no this is the wrong way to go about it. Be direct and give her the closure. I dont know if you are joking or if you are serious in what you're saying there. What is up with all those smiley faces? Seriously you're not 12, take those out jeez. Leave the part out about her being proud kissing you, you aren't some super star that she should be proud of kissing. Be direct, give her closure and cut it clean. Agree with everything above. The message is far too verbose and cringe-y. Be short, kind, but to the point. Nix the emoticons. 1
Author somecamel Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 I changed bits in it, took out the smileys and sent it. It is what it is now but thanks for all your comments even the harsh ones:)
Jethro Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Phew... good thing you didn't shag her. She'd be planning the ceremony right now. Stage 5 clinger. Tell her anything necessary to GTFO!! 1
J21 Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 I'm trying to let her down gently, we got on, we had a laugh but she is too much, I don't want to upset her. I didn't mean to be harsh, just honest. You couldn't have it both ways as "letting her down" will upset her regardless. Anywhos, I hope she got the message and leaves you be.
Author somecamel Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 I didn't mean to be harsh, just honest. You couldn't have it both ways as "letting her down" will upset her regardless. Anywhos, I hope she got the message and leaves you be. No worries, I like harsh, that's why I'm here:)
Elle1975 Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Hey Guys, I suppose this the next forum in my journey after my breakup and 'moving on'. Anyway, I've done some online dating, mainly POF and Tinder. had a few dates very soon after the break up and they were terrible. Anyway, tried again the other day and met a girl on there, we've met up twice so far, first for a quick drink which was an hour or so, kissed. Went out again yesterday for a drive etc. Now, she's a nice girl, not my 'usual' type I suppose but I want(ed) to give her a chance and also give me a chance to try and get back into it. I've had over 300 text/facebook messages from her and they don't stop even when I don't reply. She keeps on calling me gorgeous and can't understand how I'm single and is really really really over the top with me, she's scaring me ****less. I even had to lie to her saying I was out last night so I had a reason to not be replying so much and her not thinking I'm ignoring her I need advice as to how to deal with this, I'm not good at these situations and would normally run, hide and ignore but I want to face it head on and not be a child anymore (i'm 31:P). Just tell her that you're a bit surprised that she's head over heels so fast after a couple dates, that 300 texts is a bit.. unsettling.. to say the least. I was wondering what the "rabbit boiler" was all about. I get the reference now and I have to agree lol
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