nerdlingZA Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Hey everyone I've a problem here: I can't compliment women. I feel soo stupid when I've done it. I complimented my Ex maybe once or twice in 2 years. There's also this girl who wanted us to date. She's been chasing me for months, she sweet talks me & compliment me. But I just don't return the compliments. Don't get me wrong she looks beautiful but I just can't. I HATE IT. She recently told me that I treat her like a nobody "u don't show interest in me u don't even compliment me" she said. There's also this women (a friend) she compliments everyone of our friends, whether its a new clothing or new look. When she compliments me I reply with 'OK' I never say 'THANK YOU'. I never really thought of this till recently. I think this is one of the things that makes me lose a lot of women. How can I compliment women without feeling stupid ???
Bruce Leigh Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Do you brush off compliments made to you, most if not all the time?
PegNosePete Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 You practice. Just get used to it. I have to say I agree with you. Compliments to me, seem kind of shallow, cliche and cheesy. I prefer to let my actions speak rather than words. But sometimes you need to throw in a few sweet words as well so just bite the bullet and go for it. What's the worst that could happen?
Author nerdlingZA Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 Do you brush off compliments made to you, most if not all the time? Yes! .
Gaeta Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 It is something you can condition yourself to do. I grew up in family where expressions of feelings were absent. Because of that as an adult I had a lot of problem accepting compliments, giving compliments and saying I love you. When I got in my 40s I realized this needed to change. I made myself practice on friends, family and colleagues first then on dates. Now I can't shut up. It comes very naturally. I actually compliment strangers in elevators now. 1
Bruce Leigh Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Do you brush off compliments made to you, most if not all the time? Yes! . Did you suffer from name calling growing up? I only ask as you screen has the word nerd in it.
Diezel Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 How about you just be yourself and not feel the need to do something you aren't comfortable with? Seriously, you shouldn't have to feel like you need to compliment people if that's not who you are. If you hate it that much, maybe you should just explain that to the person you are with rather than try to do something you aren't comfortable with. Maybe once you've opened up about that, the one or two you do dish out will carry that much more weight.
Bruce Leigh Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 How about you just be yourself and not feel the need to do something you aren't comfortable with? Seriously, you shouldn't have to feel like you need to compliment people if that's not who you are. If you hate it that much, maybe you should just explain that to the person you are with rather than try to do something you aren't comfortable with. Maybe once you've opened up about that, the one or two you do dish out will carry that much more weight. But say he makes that first move in talking to someone he is attracted to. What if he doesn't make a single compliment to her and fails to acknowledge any she may make towards him? Just friends then? I don't think he meant to use the word "hate", he probably finds the whole compliment idea as alien to him.
DitzyPanda Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Too often have I complimented women and they reject it. I complimented one's nails once and she said, "Eh, they're OK I guess". At least humor me with a "thank you" >.> I don't know how you can feel stupid for complimenting someone's appearance. People in general like attention so all you have to do is notice their changes and express it in a way that isn't too blunt but isn't too cheesy. Honestly I give cheesy compliments because that's just who I am. Find your own style of complimenting and improve on it. Practice on your friends and family.
d0nnivain Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 You wrote here that she is beautiful. Why would telling her that make you feel stupid? I don't get it. Say the following out loud: You look nice today. Repeat out loud several more times. Now that you have wrapped your mouth around that phrase, say it to her.
Haydn Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Wear a broad brimmed hat and doff it when necessary. No words needed. 1
soccerrprp Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Is the problem that the compliments feel forced? Not genuine on your part? Or you simply don't feel that anyone deserves one?
GorillaTheater Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Is the problem that the compliments feel forced? Not genuine on your part? Or you simply don't feel that anyone deserves one? I suspect that it's a bit of both, and it boils down to the fact that the OP perceives that he's unworthy of compliments. THAT's what needs to be worked on first. In the meantime, Nerdling, practice throwing a few out there. Personally, I suggest weighing the compliments a little more in favor of things you like about her intelligence, character, and personality than her looks.
GravityMan Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Compliments should feel natural and genuine. Not forced. When you're with the right person(s) you should have a subconscious desire to express your appreciation for that person. Certain professional/service jobs aside, you shouldn't be in a situation where you're thinking: "I have to dish out some random compliment b/c that's what society says I'm supposed to do". Most people can tell when a compliment is forced, and that may lead to a bit of awkwardness. That said, every individual is "wired" differently when it comes to complimenting others. Some people don't hesitate to compliment random strangers on their suit or their car. Others will compliment friends and acquaintances on their intelligence, humor, etc. And still others rarely dish out compliments for any number of reasons. But someone who is very uncomfortable with expressing appreciation for others (especially those close to him) is a person who likely has issues with emotional intimacy, and that's a problem. I wonder if the OP grew up in a rough childhood and/or environment where everyone around him were a-holes.
soothsayerrc Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 I would compliment the girl I'm dating more, but it almost seems like I have to then convince her they are genuine lol. so I can see how complimenting can be rough.
hopefullove Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 you can't compliment women? Or you can't compliment anything? Like if your mom or dad or whatever, makes you an amazing meal, like a steak, it was the best steak you ever had in your life. Do you say nothing? Or are you like... WHOA! that was the best steak ever! You're a great cook! Or do you play sports or something, people compliment each other there, like nice pass or whatever (that's all I got, I don't play sports)... So does saying that stuff come normal to you? Or is it just women? If you think it and feel it, why can't you say it? If you think in your head, "wow she's really pretty", it's weird for you to say those words out, "wow, you're really pretty"...Cus it's great to hear!!!! People like to hear nice things. Just be genuine to your thoughts and feelings.
DArtagnan2 Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 I agree that if you want to change that about yourself, you just have to make a conscious effort to until it becomes natural. But seeing as you said "hate", I am not sure conditioning will help you right now. Everyone likes to receive a compliment here and there. I am not good at receiving them I found when I got older. I was always put down as a kid and/or bullied by "family" and others I knew, so it trickled over. So I had to make a concious effort to just say thank you. But I have no problem complimenting others. I only have a hard time giving compliments when it seems people are begging for them. If you want to change, you can but have to work at it until it isn't work anymore.
Author nerdlingZA Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 1. No guys I didn't grew up in a bad society/family nor was I bullied 2. Yes this only happens to women I've a hard time complimenting them especially those who are close to me/those I know.
April Moon Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Honestly, I don't think I could date a guy who didn't compliment me. Eventually, I would think there is something wrong with me.
Bruce Leigh Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 If you think it and feel it, why can't you say it? If you think in your head, "wow she's really pretty", it's weird for you to say those words out, "wow, you're really pretty"...Cus it's great to hear!!!! People like to hear nice things. Just be genuine to your thoughts and feelings. Don't think of another way to say it either, when you do that it comes off as forced. And will more than likely be seen as such.
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