CrystalCastles Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 (edited) I recently started seeing an amazing guy. We've gone on 4 dates in the span of this past week, and we have 4 more planned every day starting tmr. Before that, we talked face-to-face, on fb and text every day for a month. He works in the same chemistry lab as me (I'm an undergrad, and he's a master's student). I've never been in a relationship so I don't know how these things work. But what I know is, this guy is just beyond compare and I have zero interest in seeing anyone else. He's beautiful, intelligent and treats me like a queen. He constantly tells me how much he likes me and he demonstrates this through actions as well. I'm very confident that he feels the same about me as I do about him. However I don't know if there are "rules" I'm supposed to follow- ie. we become bf/gf after we sleep together, or what? We haven't had sex, and probably won't for a few months- I'm a 21 year old virgin, so it's an idea I need to get used to and I am still getting to know him. He's also leaving for 3 months to Brazil on scholarship to work in a chem lab there and that will be in August, and I don't know if I'll be ready to have sex before then, so not being able to put a label on this for so long just makes no sense to me. Please help! Edited June 20, 2014 by CrystalCastles
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Not sure? Has he himself mentioned anything boyfriend/girlfriend like to you?
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 I mean you could just be honest with him & tell him " hey what's going on?" Politely though & just wait for him to lead you into a " relationship " but it's pretty hard to understand his motivations or intentions
Els Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 Where do you live, Crystal? Do you have any RL female friends whom you could ask about the norms? With my SO we never specifically had to have 'the' talk, it was probably assumed from the start, since we both only wanted long-term Rs. We just went straight to talking about the future... But that was our culture. Yours might be different. Maybe you could ask him what his plans are for the two of you when he goes off to Brazil for 3 months? (You definitely don't need to have sex to call yourself bf and gf - you are bf and gf when you both want to be)
Author CrystalCastles Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 Where do you live, Crystal? Do you have any RL female friends whom you could ask about the norms? With my SO we never specifically had to have 'the' talk, it was probably assumed from the start, since we both only wanted long-term Rs. We just went straight to talking about the future... But that was our culture. Yours might be different. Maybe you could ask him what his plans are for the two of you when he goes off to Brazil for 3 months? (You definitely don't need to have sex to call yourself bf and gf - you are bf and gf when you both want to be) I live in Canada, and yes I have two best friends who I can talk to about this. I'm not sure how the culture is here, I've never been in a relationship and my friends also don't have extensive histories so I'm not really sure what to do. Or rather, when. He told me he wasn't planning on dumping me or anything when he leaves, he just assumed that he'll leave for a few months and come back, and we'll resume our relationship as usual. Plus most likely plenty of Skype sessions are in the cards. And the last sentence makes me very happy. I don't know when I'll be ready for sex, but it might take me 6 months, 7 maybe, and it just doesn't make sense if I'm seeing someone for that long and I'm unable to call them my boyfriend simply because we haven't had sex. 1
Els Posted June 20, 2014 Posted June 20, 2014 I live in Canada, and yes I have two best friends who I can talk to about this. I'm not sure how the culture is here, I've never been in a relationship and my friends also don't have extensive histories so I'm not really sure what to do. Or rather, when. He told me he wasn't planning on dumping me or anything when he leaves, he just assumed that he'll leave for a few months and come back, and we'll resume our relationship as usual. Plus most likely plenty of Skype sessions are in the cards. And the last sentence makes me very happy. I don't know when I'll be ready for sex, but it might take me 6 months, 7 maybe, and it just doesn't make sense if I'm seeing someone for that long and I'm unable to call them my boyfriend simply because we haven't had sex. Sounds like he already considers you bf and gf, from the bolded. Congratulations! You are in a relationship. Don't worry about the sex, really. Wait til you're ready. Are you a 'virgin' virgin (as in, zero genital contact with guys before) or you just haven't had intercourse before? 1
Author CrystalCastles Posted June 20, 2014 Author Posted June 20, 2014 Sounds like he already considers you bf and gf, from the bolded. Congratulations! You are in a relationship. Don't worry about the sex, really. Wait til you're ready. Are you a 'virgin' virgin (as in, zero genital contact with guys before) or you just haven't had intercourse before? Yay!!! Sure is nice not to worry about the labels. I'm ok with not having the "talk" but I just wanted to be sure me and him were on the same page, hence why I figured maybe the talk is something necessary for him. I'm as virgin as you can get. No contact anywhere, I've never been naked in a guy's presence and even clothed, no guy has ever touched me there. I'm a very conservative person, sex is a very personal thing to me and I wanted to wait until the right person came along. 1
Els Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Yay!!! Sure is nice not to worry about the labels. I'm ok with not having the "talk" but I just wanted to be sure me and him were on the same page, hence why I figured maybe the talk is something necessary for him. Well, if it really concerns you you could just start referring to him as your boyfriend and see how he responds. I've never needed 'the talk' but it could be a cultural thing, since we don't view dating/relationships like Americans do. Not sure how things are in Canada, hopefully some of the Canadians here will help you. I'm as virgin as you can get. No contact anywhere, I've never been naked in a guy's presence and even clothed, no guy has ever touched me there. I'm a very conservative person, sex is a very personal thing to me and I wanted to wait until the right person came along. Yep yep, fair enough. In that case I'd advise you to go slow even when you do decide to take things to the next level - really take the time to make out, cuddle, explore each others' bodies, bring each other to orgasm etc, before you jump to intercourse. Have fun!
Author CrystalCastles Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 Well, if it really concerns you you could just start referring to him as your boyfriend and see how he responds. I've never needed 'the talk' but it could be a cultural thing, since we don't view dating/relationships like Americans do. Not sure how things are in Canada, hopefully some of the Canadians here will help you. Yep yep, fair enough. In that case I'd advise you to go slow even when you do decide to take things to the next level - really take the time to make out, cuddle, explore each others' bodies, bring each other to orgasm etc, before you jump to intercourse. Have fun! We're now official. I brought it up on our date yesterday and he said that was what he thought of me anyways. I'm still very shy about touching him. It's only in the moment that we have a rough and passionate makeout that I can really relax. The makeout sessions we had yesterday were so hungry and passionate that I skinned my chin on his stubble and my lower lip cracked and bled! Thanks for your advice, I really appreciate it. 1
Targetlock Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Lucky devil, make the most of it i bet those months of him away are going to kill you!! but as they say absence makes the heart grow fonder hope you have skype or something?
Author CrystalCastles Posted June 23, 2014 Author Posted June 23, 2014 Lucky devil, make the most of it i bet those months of him away are going to kill you!! but as they say absence makes the heart grow fonder hope you have skype or something? Haha! Thank you I try not to think about him going away, and yes, we both have skype and we've talked about skyping on a regular basis when he's away. Ah, those months are going to be a killer.
Els Posted June 23, 2014 Posted June 23, 2014 Haha! Thank you I try not to think about him going away, and yes, we both have skype and we've talked about skyping on a regular basis when he's away. Ah, those months are going to be a killer. Skype definitely makes everything easier. Don't worry, 3 months will fly by. 1
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