She e-mailed me about stuff at her place- how should I respond

[life-is-short]

Since the breakup a week ago, I have not been in contact with her at all (NC) and I'd like to continue that.

 

She sent me an e-mail yesterday asking about something that I left at her place and what she should do with it. I don't want to break NC, but it is a logistical/practical issue.

 

On the one hand, I don't want to be rude by ignoring the e-mail, on the other hand I know from previous breakups that NC is absolutely crucial to healing and if I respond, it will lead to a few back/forth e-mails that won't actually go anywhere so I'll then just have to reset the clock.

 

I'm already a bit frustrated because the past couple of days have been pretty good without thinking about her too much and after receiving the e-mail, I'm thinking about her a lot again.

 

Any advice? I thought about asking one of her friends to pick it up and I could then it from her friends house.

[umirano]

Yeah, get a proxy. Friends, or just mail it off. Doesn't really matter. Shield yourself against negative conversations, back and forth and breadcrumbs.

[Chi townD]

It's okay to break NC to tie up loose ends of a relationship. If you don't want the stuff then a simple, "Throw it out" or "donate it" is fine. If she tries to open up dialog other than the business at hand, then ignore it. Strictly business.

 

 

Having those loose ends only leaves temptation to break NC in the future. You could be missing her one day and remember you left a jersey at her place. You convince yourself that you REALLY want that jersey. Therefore, you're giving yourself permission to break NC. So, it's important to tie up those loose ends.

[bubbaganoosh]

Have a friend go get whatever it is or have a friend contact her and she can leave it by the door and you can pick it up, or they could,

[mammasita]

I agree with just having a friend go get whatever it is. No need to respond to the email.

[life-is-short]

Thanks everyone. The more I think about it, I think I'm just going to ignore e-mail. The stuff that she wrote me about isn't important or valuable. I don't need it. I feel immature and rude for not responding, but I think it is the right course of action. Otherwise I just open up the wounds.

[BC1980]

I don't see a problem with ignoring the message if you don't want the stuff. Otherwise, I would suggest getting a friend or family member to message her and get it. I don't think it's necessary to worry about being rude in not responding.

[Griesfootball]

Assuming she broke up with you. I would just have her mail it. I'm going through a similar thing only I initiated it

[FitnessRN]

Tell her to mail the materials and thank her for being respectful sending them back.