King Bowls Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Every time I come close to any girl/woman, anywhere, I start to get nervous, and have a hard time looking them in the eye, whether I'm talking to them or not. This happened at the gym last night, being around a girl who was also lifting made me nervous for some reason and couldnt think 100% straight. What is my problem? Is this a sign of weakness on my part? And finally, how do I conquer this problem?
nofeelings22 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Every time I come close to any girl/woman, anywhere, I start to get nervous, and have a hard time looking them in the eye, whether I'm talking to them or not. This happened at the gym last night, being around a girl who was also lifting made me nervous for some reason and couldnt think 100% straight. What is my problem? Is this a sign of weakness on my part? And finally, how do I conquer this problem? Start talking to tons of women *without* trying to pick them up. Just treat them like regular people. Hint: They are just regular people. It's no different than having stage fright. The best cure is to sign up for public speaking classes! 4
Author King Bowls Posted June 19, 2014 Author Posted June 19, 2014 I see what you mean. It's like every time I walk by a girl on a workout machine someone is holding a knife to my back and telling me "don't look" There's a girl at the front desk of the gym who I find attractive. I don't know if she's single or not, when I seen her its literally a split second (because I only see her when I sign in). What could I do to talk to her and try to go out with her somewhere?
Weezy1973 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Women are just people. Talk to them, and get to know them just like anybody else. After awhile, you'll realize that you don't connect with most of them, just like anybody else. But the ones you do connect with will be extra special, regardless of what they look like. And that's called love. And it's pretty special. 2
jay1983 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Every time I come close to any girl/woman, anywhere, I start to get nervous, and have a hard time looking them in the eye, whether I'm talking to them or not. This happened at the gym last night, being around a girl who was also lifting made me nervous for some reason and couldnt think 100% straight. What is my problem? Is this a sign of weakness on my part? And finally, how do I conquer this problem? You just have do it nervously until you get use to it. It's like riding a motorcycle, you get more comfortable and it becomes second nature after the first few times. 2
2.50 a gallon Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 (edited) I too was terribly shy and had the same problem. As others have posted, I beat it by forcing myself to talk to women like they are normal people. Start with the cashiers at the grocery store. Get in the good looking ones line. Don't try to pick her up, just talk to her. About the weather. About local sports. Find out if she is into sports, and what her favorite team. Pets. Is she a dog or car person? They like to talk about their dog or cat. Find out its name. "So how is your cat Banzi"? Next Wednesday, June 25th. Use the line: Do you realize we are have way to Christmas? Edited June 19, 2014 by 2.50 a gallon
salparadise Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 As others have suggested- practice and reduce the notion of life or death investment. Learn to switch on your sense of power/dominance and use that mode as the basis for friendly, zero investment conversation with beautiful women. If you find one in particular that responds well, is easy to talk to, have lots more conversation with her. All you really need is to feel competent so that you can focus on her completely... rather than being self-conscious and worrying about how you're being perceived.
littleplanet Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I was taught as a kid that gender comes second to human. (My mom was pretty smart.) So I was never shy around girls. And girls grow into women. Same rules. If you ease off the pressure a little, all it takes is that first conversation. It doesn't have to be the romance of the century. Just a little experience....a little confidence. It grows. And that art of conversation, doesn't have to be perfect. When any two people like the same thing....could be anything....it's a perfect opportunity to talk about it. (like weightlifting, for instance) .......or music, or movies, or cars, or dogs, or food, or sports.....the list can be endless. 3
gaius Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 It's a defense mechanism against intimacy. Some part of you isn't looking to be with someone for some reason. You just have to figure out why part of you doesn't want it and do your best to fix that. =/ I did the same thing when I was younger.
Radu Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I don't think it's a defense mechanism tbh. You want to talk to her, but you are paralyzed thinking about how it could go wrong. Everything you do when around her becomes as a potential 'i will **** it up this way', and the indecision itself is makes this state. Demystifying them is the key, as others have pointed out. Learn to see them as other ppl, and not as Gods. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 The less you give a crap about it, the more desirable you are..... TFY 1
KathyM Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 It's fear of rejection that is paralyzing you and preventing you from talking to her or looking at her. Force yourself to go beyond your comfort zone and strike up a conversation. Tell yourself "If she rejects me, that's O.K., I'm going to try anyway."
Author King Bowls Posted June 21, 2014 Author Posted June 21, 2014 Thanks for the advice everyone. I will definitely go in fearless next time 1
todreaminblue Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 (edited) Thanks for the advice everyone. I will definitely go in fearless next time the true mark of a man is not that he is fearless(you are not going to go in fearless and you know it), to me, people without an intellect or brain or heart are truly fearless..... but that a man of true markmanship acts and steps up in spite of fear to shoot from a position of uncertainty knowing youhave to take the shot its your one chance to take it..... or shoot the breeze the same wAY....find strength in that...and this isnt gender specific....women are always fearful but a true woman over rides her fear because she cares too much not too act....the more you do this the stronger you get.....i have never stopped in all my life feeling fear but i can face any man any time any place....feared or not...and i speak....and sometimes....i can feel that they are just as scared as i....and if they are out to hurt me.....well.....they just met their match afraid or not......ill survive...have before..... they ....may not..;0)........deb Edited June 21, 2014 by todreaminblue 1
umirano Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 It's a defense mechanism against intimacy. Maybe not against intimacy. But against having one's head chopped off. I heard this hypothesis, and I'm sorry I really can't remember where or provide a source. But the shyness in men is supposed to be rooted in the fact that for most of the past 200.000 years approaching a woman in the band was very dangerous if the band leader or someone close to him objected. 1
DrSimple Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 You need to simply push your boundaries and put yourself into those uncomfortable situations that you avoid, after repeated exposure you will become more comfortable and confident in your interactions with the opposite sex. If you fear your ability to interact with women, push yourself to simply strike up a conversation with them. Make some smalltalk to start. Even if you stumble and embarrass yourself, you just need to keep trying and realize it is not the end of the world. Right now you are a green recruit that needs to accumulate some battle experience, there is only one way to get experience. 1
Maverick1983 Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Let your natural instincts take over if you want to look, look. Sometimes looking at a woman for just that second longer lets her know you're interested and maybe try to show some interest by starting up a simple general conversation so that you'll find out something about her. Try asking a few innocent questions like if she's any plans the weekend or any holidays planned and create a talking point for your next encounter. Fortune favours the brave mate 1
Author King Bowls Posted June 22, 2014 Author Posted June 22, 2014 Y'all have all pretty much hit the nail on the head on this one. Really appreciate, and yet another reason Loveshack is the greatest message board of all time (I'm a member of 6 other message boards)
Giggle Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 I have an inability to look at someone I find interesting. To make eye contact. I can chatter, but I can't look at them looking back at me. Ok, even if I don't really find them interesting but I suspect they are looking at me with interest. I have gotten so much better about not being shy, I chatter with random people I run into. But attraction makes me flounder. Being behind a computer screen I can be all sorts of flirty and fun, but in person I feel so flustered. 1
thekid36 Posted June 22, 2014 Posted June 22, 2014 Every time I come close to any girl/woman, anywhere, I start to get nervous, and have a hard time looking them in the eye, whether I'm talking to them or not. This happened at the gym last night, being around a girl who was also lifting made me nervous for some reason and couldnt think 100% straight. What is my problem? Is this a sign of weakness on my part? And finally, how do I conquer this problem? First of all, you are not necessarily weak. Being nervous around women you are attracted to means that you are just genuine and sincere. You will come across a woman who will appreciate these qualities. This is something I have struggled with as well. Once I know a woman, then I really cannot stop talking! But, initially, I find that my nerves are never that far away. When I play soccer, using my head has never been fun. Thus, I choose to always back up a step and find my way to the ball with my foot whenever my head threatens to take over. Not the most conventional approach. But, one that works well for me. As a result, I have had a few relationships start online. Not all from dating sites. But, not at the gym either. Does not mean you have to follow suit. Just know that there is more than one way to meet someone and that one right way does not exist. You will figure out what works best for you. Experience is easily the best teacher that we have. 1
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