Hello. :)

[STM206]

I'm back with my ex.

 

Just kidding.

 

It's been almost 6 months in and I can honestly say I've come quite far in the healing process.

 

Do I still think about him daily? Of course, does it hurt like it did 4 months ago? Not at all.

 

I still have moments. Sometimes thoughts of trips we took together will pop in my head and cause a tinge of sadness, a certain song will play and I'll think of him.

 

However... After what seemed like a trip to the very depths of hell, I've started to realize something. HE decided to leave, he made a conscious decision to erase me from his life.

 

With that said... I have 2 options here - hold on and spend years hoping he'll come back or stand up and say enough. I realize I'm deserving of someone who will love me for all of me... Not someone who has no problem tossing me out like day old bread when things get rough.

 

I know at this time I'm not ready to really date again and open my heart up to someone else. I don't really know when I'll be ready. It's kinda scary because I don't even know what my type is anymore. I thought I had the man of my dreams but look where I ended up, on Loveshack.

 

Perhaps one day it'll just happen naturally, someone will make me feel that warmth in my heart, give me hope and a reason to believe in love again.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to say even though it may not feel like it now, the days do get easier, time really does help heal all wounds.

 

Hang in there people.

 

Ps; I just celebrated my 29th birthday and I've decided to do 29 things I've never done before. Completed 3 so far so the distraction and motivation to live life helps a lot!

[PhillyConnection23]

Glad to hear that!

 

I'm approaching 3 months myself and I think I'm getting to a pretty good spot. I still think about her, I still miss her but like you I've accepted the fact that she ended it.

 

I've used this time to really focus on what went wrong in our relationship, realized it would doom all my future relationships, and have actively started to change it. Have I made progress? Absolutely. Am I finished? Hell no.

 

I still like to think about us getting back together. I think if she was open to the idea it could be salvaged and could be a loving, lasting relationship. But I'm also questioning whether I can be with her knowing that at one point she gave up on us. Of course, she would say that she fought and tried to do something but I wasn't receptive....I guess that shows communication was a problem for us.

[me85]

I'm right where you are.

 

I, too, will be celebrating my 29th birthday soon.

[Nimbus4dt]

Glad to hear that!

 

I'm approaching 3 months myself and I think I'm getting to a pretty good spot. I still think about her, I still miss her but like you I've accepted the fact that she ended it.

 

I've used this time to really focus on what went wrong in our relationship, realized it would doom all my future relationships, and have actively started to change it. Have I made progress? Absolutely. Am I finished? Hell no.

 

I still like to think about us getting back together. I think if she was open to the idea it could be salvaged and could be a loving, lasting relationship. But I'm also questioning whether I can be with her knowing that at one point she gave up on us. Of course, she would say that she fought and tried to do something but I wasn't receptive....I guess that shows communication was a problem for us.

 

The thing is, has she done the same? You've grown and become more self aware but maybe she hasn't!!! I'd love to think the same, the first day since my break when I actually have though "you understand some of the reasons and are actually doing stuff to change and feel change is occurring" am aware its a long road, but days like today remind you how special we can all be when the chips are down.

Life is such a gift, it's surprising how low we have to go, to emerge a stronger, better, more loving, more in tune with our thoughts/feelings person.

Have they done the same? Unlikely!!!!!!!

[stillfiguringitallou]

I think it is unfair to say it is "highly unlikely" I have been the dumper before and each time I have left a relationship I have always left myself time to reflect on what and why it worked out the way it did.

 

That being said - I'm approaching 2 months out. I realize what I did that contributed to it being the way it was, and I realize what it is about him that did as well.

 

I've realized that I can't make someone want to better themselves, and that it isn't my right to if he feels that is what will make him happy (regardless of if it is a healthy and responsible/mature choice)

 

The only thing I can do is decide if it is right for me - and what I want to do for MYSELF. Which is not live that kind of life and relationship. I don't want to be a mind reader in order to maintain stability. And I don't want to live in a constant state of flux walking on egg shells either.

 

So keeping in mind his decision and mind set that there is NOTHING wrong with him except a little insecurity and depression - and "everyone has that"

 

And my knowledge that no "everyone" doesn't have that all the time - and that I don't WANT to have that all the time.

 

It's easy to let go.

 

I also acknowledge I don't have to move on until I'm ready.

[Tally123]

STM

 

thanks for your update, it is good to read about other people's progress.

 

I am just over two months in. NC for 5 weeks (not that Im counting ha). Some days are still a bit tough, I have moments where I might shed a tear, but it is getting better. I think the past week I have felt more "detached" from him. I still love him, miss him, but he doesn't feel like "My J" anymore. He is starting to feel like a stranger.....very sad, but that is what he wanted.

 

I would love to know the 29 new things you set for yourself - what a great idea!

 

T