meg003 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I have just asked my live in partner for a couple of days break away from each other. I said i would stay by where i work in a 'b and b' but he has moved out for a couple of days. Would anyone throw some light on why i am reacting to him the way I am and any advice would be appreciated. Story Meet on on-line dating, chatting for 2 months on phone before we met. Got on instantly, lots of laughs and lots in common. He was a contractor working 80 miles away and lost the contract he had, then he got done for drink driving...oops lost his licence. With a huge leap of faith I agreed he could move in with me (I know it was a mistake). We hadn't know each other long enough. 2months and 4 months with chatting. I've been on my own for a number of years and the change hit me hard. As he wasn't working he took it on himself to do everything around the home. He cooked meals I didn't like. The housework was not up to the standard I would do. He took over when out with friends. I felt swamped , overwhelmed and as if my home was no longer my home; i did not deal with it well at all. BUT we still get on really well. I'm getting used to him being around now but he has gone quiet and doesn't appear to want to go out. I said lets go for a meal and he expected me to pay. I thought he'd pay next time but no he didn't. Yes thats just one example of him in my view being mean. He buys the food but eats most of it himself and gives me nothing else toward keep....should he? ok he hasn't got a job but he does have monies as he is now paying £200 a month to his son at Uni after persistent calls from his ex wife. Well I have had my rant about everything even about him taking to his ex wife in what I viewed a closer way than he does with me (length of time hes know her i expect to the length of time he's know me) He says he loves me and has toned things down a bit. He thinks I'm nuts for getting in a tis about things. I tried to explain that although he says he loves me i wasn't feeling that he does. I've felt that i was just a lucky stroke when he lost his job and licence. He has said that he would of wanted to be with me eventually but events speeded it up. He has said that he now understands how difficult it has been for me and put forward how difficult it has been for him. he said he has done as much as he can to help me (under his breath' mmm I do everything'). He is a loveable git!! he drinks in the day but has promised to stop, he didn't, promised again, he didn't, promised again so when he didn't i told him to leave. I've had the sob, sob....I don't want to be alone, I fear for my future, I really love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. What's going on here?
oldshirt Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 What's going on here is you let a manipulative drunk schmooze you into being his mommy and taking care of him while he plays. This is why we date people for a period of time so that we can get past their words and see how they really are before we enter into any kind of commitment or investment with them. You talked on the phone. Anyone can say anything on the phone. I could call you up and tell you I am a talk good looking billionaire with planes and yachts and that I am madly in love with you and that I will take you all over the world and cater to your every desire forever and ever and ever. But it don't mean a thing because it's all talk. You didn't get to know him because you only listened to his words. You had barely spent any real time with him face to face so you never saw how he was or who he really was untill you let him into your home. Once he was in your home then you had a drunk, freeloading creeper on your hands. Your lucky you've been able to get him out of the house at all. Now you need to work on getting him out of your life.
Author meg003 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Posted June 19, 2014 Well he now wants to pay me £75 a week towards bills which is reasonable. This takes away the feeling that he is free loading as the last post stated. He would probably pay more if he had to rent and pay bills. Although unemployed if he has a certain amount in savings he couldn't claim rent or council tax. If he could claim he would be better off in his own place rather than pay me £75 a week. He has done a lot to help me around the home and he is good company. He comes from a good family and has two lovely children. He doesn't come across as a bad person, always kind and understanding. He hit a rough patch when his wife left him for her career rather than another man. He felt unloved. If i was to tell anyone the situation of him moving in they would all say free loading drinker but they don't know the man.
d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 If you are happy with the small bit he will now be paying & you are willing to put up with the rest of the BS (drinking, taking over, otherwise freeloading, no job, no license etc) in exchange for companionship, have at it but I don't see this having a happy ending unless you are prepared to support him for the rest of his life.
2sunny Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 You're helping a drunk driver to continue drinking. He still drinks! He doesn't work! He doesn't take you out?!! God, why is that even remotely attractive? He should leave TODAY!
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