Why is insecurity so detrimental in dating?

[R3d]

I hear people saying things like, "It's not the height/race; it's the insecurity."

 

My question now is why is it that insecurity is so detrimental especially for men, even more than heigh is in and of itself?"

 

What's so...bad about it?

[todreaminblue]

insecurity leads to stalemates and lack of progression.......it shouldn't be the women who have to step up.....all the time...i like strong men......and honestly a strong man is the only one who could handle dating me..then i can let my feminine side be happy and just be because i dont have to step up and be a man i prefer to not be dominant with men.....i am not a drill sargeant in dating and relationships...the guy should be able to take initiave and front position some times............i actually hate it when they dont......to em its weakness i cant afford to have in a guy i date.........deb

[normal person]

Because people are attracted to confidence. Confidence is strength. Insecurity is the opposite of it, a weakness. It's better to be strong than weak.

 

Also, if there are things that you obviously can't even like/accept about yourself, why would anyone else be convinced otherwise?

[Potz4prez]

Everyone wants someone who will lead them, make them feel secure and quell their insecurities.

 

If you're riddled with insecurities, you're the complete opposite. You're a project. No one likes fixer-uppers.

[d0nnivain]

Insecuriity often makes the person clingy & jealous. Those can be very annoying.

[preraph]

It's unattractive. No one thinks a person who is sheepish looking and fumbling around is attractive. And then like other poster said, it usually brings bad jealousy problems and you the person won't let go once you decide you aren't staying. Look at it this way. If you yourself don't have confidence in yourself, why would anybody else?

[SensitiveTJ]

If you don't believe in yourself, how can you ask anyone else to do so? Why would anyone sign up for that?

[Emilia]

Because insecurity makes you take a negative stand point on everything. It makes you think and feel that you don't deserve the other person, you doubt their word, you doubt their love. Insecure people tend to play games because they don't have the confidence to say 'this is who I am, I am loveable and good and I deserve you'. Insecure people push others away and second guess their own decisions all the time. They are often over-sensitive, too much hard work to be around.

[Kid_Charlemange]

Everyone wants someone who will lead them, make them feel secure and quell their insecurities.

 

If you're riddled with insecurities, you're the complete opposite. You're a project. No one likes fixer-uppers.

 

"No one" is a broad term. Some do, in fact, like projects. I've run into them, in fact; when my wife passed away from cancer a few years ago, I was utterly shocked at the way some women came out of the woodwork -- I never knew the "grieving widower" card even existed. I guess they were just natural caretakers.

 

But that's an exceptional situation, and in general, yeah, people find confidence attractive. I think it's hard-wired into our DNA.

[Frank2thepoint]

My question now is why is it that insecurity is so detrimental especially for men, even more than heigh is in and of itself?

 

Insecurity is universally detrimental, not just to men. A woman that is insecure is just as bad as a man exhibiting this flaw. If you consider yourself short, then you could just be confident with yourself, and not care what women think of your height. That way you'll attract a special woman.

[hasaquestion]

Because it makes you look like a b****, and no one wants to be with a b****

 

Dude just get your grades up, hit the gym, and be a good friend. The rest will come.

[thefooloftheyear]

Nobody likes a weenie....especially women..

 

TFY

[Disillusioned]

Nobody likes a weenie....especially women..

 

TFY

 

Seconded.

 

Even a desperate person doesn't want to date a sad sack.

[carhill]

IME, insecurity is generally only detrimental in dating if one is otherwise unattractive; it's more universally detrimental in long-term relationships where surfaces are supplanted with the core of who people are, and insecurities are difficult to put lipstick on in those dynamics.

 

An attractive, but insecure, person can easily move from one new experience to another and, for them, that can become their 'long-term'. An unattractive and insecure person can often experience long periods of solitude.

 

IME, a lot of what constitutes 'attractive' and 'unattractive' turns on demographics, supply and demand, social constructs, media, and 'fit'. The better one 'fits' into what is popular and in demand in their demographic, the more likely insecurities will be overlooked, particularly at the dating and early 'get to know' stages.