firmness Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I am dating an amazing woman. She is gorgeous beyond words, smart, creative, fun, and all around great. It has been about 5 months and we have gotten quite close. At times I feel like my chest is heavy. I get this aching longing feeling for her. I know, I know, that is what I am supposed to feel - but I am 50 years old and know what "love" feels like. (I am divorced and have had a full life, let's just put it that way). The feeling is not necessarily only psychological. It is like my body is sending signals to my brain and I feel anxious. Almost needy. It is like a fear that she will leave - or I will lose her. I do not express this to her, but I let her know I miss her. I tell her that I am aching for her. She seems to like this. I hate this feeling. I love feeling the buzzy love part, but not the anxiousness. Again, I have life experience with women and have earned this. Women can be horrific to men and you rarely see it coming. This makes it very hard to trust - even when it feels the best. Any thoughts on this craziness?
ThorntonMelon Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Well it's one of two things, and I've been there and though I'm a few years younger than you, I think your experience is one many have had. Option 1: She's put forward some red flags that you're ignoring because of the pedestal you have her on, and your body is telling you something is wrong. Option 2: Your past has you very skittish to dating and your emotions are on edge and naturally your body is telling you to be careful, as a protective mode. I am praying she's a great girl and it's #2. 2
Assasda Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 You are becoming needy. What you might want to do when this happens, is think of her short comings. Because what youre doing is unfair to her. Youre putting her on a pedestal, that does not make her human anymore, and she cant live up to those heights. So think of a time when she's illogical or hard to deal with, and maybe you'll get rid of you neediness 3
David87 Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 It happened to me, I started to feel that I will loose my girl and I got scared of that fact and that made me needy and clingy and guess what she dumped me so be very careful. 1
umirano Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I don't feel nothing like this right now. So in a way the OP lifts my mind as I have the hope to still have strong feelings when getting older. Pedestal sounds about right. Also, since you had a rich life, put all this in perspective. She's not going to make your life 10x better. You know what life has to offer. Most of it is ok, some of it is really cool, and some is just ****ty. So even if you lose her, you'll be ok. You had your fun and you'll still be an ok person even after she vanishes. Go easy on the sweet texts and things you do for her. Subconsciously she may sense that you have very great expectations towards her and it may scare her (also subconsciously) and it'll be very hard for both of you to figure out what's going on when she starts to back off bc of her subconscious worries. So just go with the flow and let her prove that she's worthy of all this fondness. 1
Gaeta Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 You're having a bad case of infatuation, a common trick of the brain It will pass and when it does then you will be able to explore if you love this woman or not. This can happen to anyone at any age with any kind of life experience behind us. 1
jphcbpa Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 Ask your higher power for help to learn the lesson you need to learn here. Ask what your "assignment" is. "Spirit Junkie" - Gabrielle Bernstein Also be aware of the Paradoxical Intent (what you mean too much you will push away)... you are very vulnerable right now. Does she pull away or act avoidant? The Law of Paradoxical Intent
Itspointless Posted June 21, 2014 Posted June 21, 2014 Women can be horrific to men and you rarely see it coming. This makes it very hard to trust - even when it feels the best. This is what I try to tell myself not to believe, but I find it hard (I am 15 years younger). Take it slow and enjoy the moments you get. Everything in life is fleeting, but it are also those fleeting moments that stay with us (for better and worse). 1
Author firmness Posted June 23, 2014 Author Posted June 23, 2014 This is what I try to tell myself not to believe, but I find it hard (I am 15 years younger). Take it slow and enjoy the moments you get. Everything in life is fleeting, but it are also those fleeting moments that stay with us (for better and worse). This is great advice. I should be clear that not all women are bad. I also have to recognize that I have had a significant influence on how past women have treated me. People react to us, just as we do them, right? So once I got my head around all that, things got better. Regarding the pedestal thing, I get that and I am careful not to do this. She is amazing and beautiful, AND I have been clear with her that substance is more important to me. It feels powerful at times and I need to work to sort of ride those waves of feeling. Thanks for the responses. 1
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