SDA Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Been googling and searching and the advice is mostly all the same. Communicate, tell your SO how you're feeling. Was on this site 3 years ago when I was dumped by a different girl. This site is great and I'm just looking for some first hand advice. My girlfriend just moved 2000 miles away for a new job. She signed a contract for 2 years. We haven't been dating too long but we both know we have something special and there's a good chance I move out there within the year after I finish traveling, something I need to do while I have the time. Something I planned before we got together. However I get jealous, she tells me all the time when she gets hit on and of course I don't really know how to react. Also her co-workers hit on her alot. Trying to learn from other relationships, I try not to overreact and just instill my trust in her. Because I do. She reassures me that she wants me for the long haul. I'm just jealous that her male co workers get to see her everyday and she goes out with her coworkers and I'm not able to be there. She's lonely in a new city and I don want her to be alone and miserable in her apartment so I'm happy she's making friends and going out. I just miss her and upset that for the next year I won't be able to hang out with her and other guys can.
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Even if you lived next door -- or with her -- men would still hit on her. You can't control that. If you don't want to hear about it, tell her that. She's probably telling you so that you know she's trust worthy. Can you alter your travel plans to swing by her a few times?
Author SDA Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 Even if you lived next door -- or with her -- men would still hit on her. You can't control that. If you don't want to hear about it, tell her that. She's probably telling you so that you know she's trust worthy. Can you alter your travel plans to swing by her a few times? I figure that's why she tells me and I appreciate that. I will be trying to fly to her in about a month and maybe again for Christmas for a couple weeks. I can't afford to fly out all the time. I can't alter my plans cause I'll be in Europe she be in the US
Frank2thepoint Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 However I get jealous, she tells me all the time when she gets hit on and of course I don't really know how to react. Although I admire her honesty, I have to ask, why is she telling you about every single instance of her getting hit on? Makes me wonder she likes to rub it in your face to get a rise out of you. 1
Haydn Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 jealousy is such a bad thing. To try to make you jealous is stupid. Shows no trust. Some will always be OBSESSED.
justwhoiam Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 My random thoughts are the following: 1) What works with a woman might not work with another, so that means that if mild, justified jealousy ruined a past relationship, it's not that your current girlfriend will no doubt appreciate your lack of healthy jealousy 2) I wouldn't want to take you off track here, but most women do not tolerate indifference well 3) You need to get to know your girlfriend well, more than what she says, in order to assess what she thinks about jealousy and coldness or passion vs indifference 4) Are you traveling for over a year "just" for pleasure? Most girls would have to bite the bullet, but they wouldn't be overly happy about it. So there's a good chance that's the price you'll have to pay for being selfish. I know you had already planned... but you know, plans can be changed. Also, you say you are tight with money to fly to her, but not to travel throughout Europe high & low? I hope you kept that to yourself, because it doesn't sound that good...
TMichaels Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 However I get jealous, she tells me all the time when she gets hit on and of course I don't really know how to react. Also her co-workers hit on her alot. Trying to learn from other relationships, I try not to overreact and just instill my trust in her. Because I do. She reassures me that she wants me for the long haul. Have you ever considered that maybe she wants a little reassurance? When she mentions she was hit on by some other guy, have you ever kiddingly said back to her "Well, he'd better not be getting any ideas -- you're already taken!" Try it some time. If she normally shares with you pretty much all that's going on in her life, then she might be telling you about guys hitting on her just because it happened. Or, just as plausibly, she might be saying it because she thinks the fact others are hitting on her is ridiculous, because she IS already taken. You may well be making a mountain out of a mole hill which could cause you a much bigger problem in your relationship. As I said, you might try responding with a little humor next time instead of getting upset, and see what happens then. HTH, TMichaels
SamsonA Posted June 18, 2014 Posted June 18, 2014 I too am in a LDR and though mine has taken a sorta bad turn recently the people in this chat have helped me learn a few things. First off I understand why you are jealous of people hitting on your gf while you aren't there. If you really cant handle hearing those stories I would politely tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable and that you dont want to hear them. I would also tell her in a calm manner that she should make sure to tell the people who hit on her that she has a boyfriend and is not interested in them flirting with her. She shouldn't get upset with either of these things because if its something that makes you uncomfortable she should support going about things in a way that will make you feel better about it. It's one of those easier said than done situations. I have a friend who also went through something similar and its funny cause his gf is completely interested in only him, but he would get jealous of guys hitting on her. You just have to understand that she is with you and that unless she has given a reason not to trust her that you should have faith in her turning guys away. You're the one she wants. 1
Recommended Posts