"On and Off" for 3 years..finally over? [update - why this on and off?]

[OK_computer]

Im completely devastated by the idea of an on and off again relationship in the sense i never know when the true end between us is ever going to be.

 

I've been in love with this girl for over 3 years now and we've never been on the same page. In the past 3 years we've gotten in probably 12 to 15 fights each that were huge, we'd stop talking for months and even a year once, and then we'd find our way back to each other and made amends, only to get into another fight weeks to months later, which would end things which at that time would seem like the final time.

 

The second to last fight we had was almost a year ago and she called our relationship a vicious cycle. That she was worn out by the on and off nature of relationship. We'd always mindunderstand one another and fight off, only to make amends a few days or weeks later, even a year once. She'd always take me back again, but only for a couple weeks. I guess i would fight with her just to patch up so i can into a honeymoon phase, only to destroy it again.

 

The last figth we had was 2 months ago. I got into a huge fight with her which ended in her saying for me to leave her alone and we'll never be together, me replying i don't give a f**k and telling her to go die. The fight was over her insulting me to her friends a couple weeks after we patched up for 15th time and me lashing out at her cuz of it. I guess...deep down..i know this relationship is moribund..or that it was dead a long time ago and we were both kinda of holding onto something that was long passed. She loved me once..she told me so..and shortly after it went downhill and continuted as this on and off storm for years.

 

I have so many questions..

 

Did she ever love me? If she did is that why she'd take me back or allow these cycles of agruments to perpetuate?

 

Is this really the end? (after 3 years where each time it did end in a horrible storm, we'd always patch up again, and she still glances at me in classes and shes short tempered)

 

Will things ever be different or work out?

 

Why can't I stop loving her?

 

I'm so confused and lost. I see her everyday in my class and will contiune to for the next 2 years. It eats me up to forget her though i act in class that i don't give a damn. I don't know how she feels. Maybe shes relieved...and i should be too...

 

i just don't know...please help me.

 

Alex

[mangetout]

Are you both always fighting over the same situations? Where do you both clash?

[OK_computer]

We fight over various things. But the biggest fight we had was over me once a long time ago saying that no one treated me as bad as she did but yet I was still good to her. It blew up in my face and destroyed what we had. We got in so many damn fights over things. Another fight was over patience and personal boundaries. There were times wed just go into some isolated room and yell for like and hour cuz that's the only communication we knew. And other times wed be soo good to each other eg. After making up in the honey moon phase. her friends and mine say we dont get a long. But I love her still even after all of this.

 

I dont know why this went on as long as it did. Why did she put of with it all this time? Is there anything I can do now? Or is it no contact for life. .

[ThorntonMelon]

Probably something you should see a counselor about. Your own temper issues, your attraction to a tumultuous relationship - your inability to let go...

 

Mind you this isn't me criticizing you, just pointing out what I see...that you're in a bad place and need to make some changes to get out of your funk. A professional can really help with that.

[OK_computer]

Doesn't seem like doesn't seem like a bad idea to seek help. Ive just gotten so damn used to this never ending cycle that I just dont know where the end is. Whose fault it is? Why did things turn out this way? I feel so upset at letting it progress through so many cycles. Im so lost

[ThorntonMelon]

Whose fault it is?

 

Doesn't matter. What's important is that you get better, and get over it.

 

Why did things turn out this way?

 

Because she isn't the right person for you. And you know this, even if your heart is fighting it.

 

I feel so upset at letting it progress through so many cycles.

 

It's a valuable life lesson. Now learn from it and never do it again!

[OK_computer]

Thanks ThorntonMelon...I guess this one was the final fight. And this time..there is NO TURNING back..frankly i should have ended it after the 1st fight and breakup. Maybe it's time for me to move on once and for all...

[OK_computer]

Can anyone else help me decide what to do?..is NC the best way to go?.

[OK_computer]

I've been in one for 3 and half years before I finally had enough and cuts ties for good and went NC (After literally 15 breakups) . But I don't understand what makes them so addicting (apart from the amazing sex).

 

Why do people continue to try over and over again hoping that each time it will be different?

 

Why does the other person let them back in?

 

Why do they keep trying to make it work?

 

What eventually causes it to end?

 

Do they ever work out?

Having been in one I still can't understand why I continued it for as long as I did...

[Bigcitydreamer]

I've been in a relationship like that before. For me I think it was that we both were physically attracted and saw each other as a "catch" you could say. But in the end we just couldn't get along due to a big mismatch in personalities. In these types of relationships you can see that both parties want it to work, but it just can't in the end. I've never seen an on and off again relationship turn into marriage although I'm only 26 and most of my friends aren't married anyways and those who are were pretty solid from the start.