Hi Everyone

[Lindsey-Wood]

I live in Ottawa (Canada) and although the city is beautiful, it is hard to meet people. I came out of two failed relationships. My first Ex and I dated 6 years and he left me for his future wife. Kind of was heartbroken and embarrassed. This led me to a rebound guy two weeks after my ex broke the news. I was the rebound guy for a year, he was so nice to me. I fell for the new guy, life was great. The new guy started not trusting me thinking I still had feelings for my ex. He said after a year that he didn’t want me but wanted to be only friends. It took me a long time to get over him. My sadness wanted comfort and this made me become religious.

 

I started practicing Islam and went from the girl who smoked, partied and showed her body and hair. I changed immediately to a girl who covers and prays. This became great for me as it allowed me to heal from the tremendous heartbreak my heart had after being deserted by two men. I finished school BA in HR landed my first career and life was perfect. I am a 28 year old Muslim woman (Nigerian). I cover up my hair and my body. I do show my face and hands. I pray all my prayers. By the way both past relationship where with Nigerian men as I tried to make things work with men from my country. This White (Scottish) Guy is 38 who at my workplace the Executive Vice President of HR. We keep bumping into each other. I remember having a conversation from day one about not being with a white guy as my culture won’t accept it.

 

He is like come on you shouldn’t let norms hold you and he made a good point. I didn’t think I would fall for a white guy never has but he is so nice, supportive and kind to me. This chemistry between Scottish guy and I has been going on since January it is now June. 6 months of communication. 3 months were intense communication as we worked on a project for 8 hours a week together. Days that were late he would drive me home and we would talk about anything. I met him in January the HR project began two week after January but ended April. Once the project was done I began seeing him less at work. It was during this project that I got to know him and got close. I started to like him, fall for his attention.

 

I have two problems:

 

First Problem (Non Muslim him and Muslim me)

When he sees me he sees me covered, praying do you think it ever registered to him that I am Muslim. I know it does but do you think he thought long term with me. Did he think I am with a Muslim woman and what does she expect of me?

 

I do want to be courted by him as I like him and want us to develop a great bond however; I want to abstain from any physical connection. I am trying to please my feelings but at the same time make sure I don’t do anything against my religion. (I want to have my cake and eat it too).

 

He flew 4 weeks ago to Germany for a business trip. We casually communicate through email. I subtly brought a conversation about religion in one of those emails. He never responded back yet. It is been 2 weeks. By the way this habit is normal for him to respond to some messages while ignoring others. I always want to mention it but then he sends me a sweet message and like a school girl, I forget all about it. The last message he sent me told me he was busy with work and he is coming back mid July and wants to meet up in person. I feel July is such a long time and ideally I would love even a phone conversation.

 

My question since religion is a deal breaker for me. Do you think a Scottish man would convert if he liked me? I don't want him to convert for me but if the universe aligns I want him to be Muslim so that I can have a future with him. Do you think I should just move on or do I have a chance of sorting out things in terms of different religion?

 

 

Second Problem: Workaholic (He) versus me (who for now has a lot more free time; I work only 35 hours).

 

Scottish Guy works 60 hours a week and this is why he became the Vice President of Human Resource. He is a workaholic but amazing at his job. I just recently entered the workforce as a regular Human Resource admin. I am at the bottom of the pole while he is at the top of his career at 38. It took me a while to get a job and was working at retail till I landed my position. He finished school young, made the right connection, earned his MBA by 26 and worked with the same company till 38. A bit of me does admire his success in the company. He makes 6 figures while I make less than half the income he earns

He doesn’t work at my location ours is a small firm and has five HR’s. He works at the head quarter (20 minute drive) for the company I work for. I am not under him at all but he oversees the HR team at the Headquarter.

 

He invited me to couple of corporation dinner and introduced me to higher up CEO’s and other colleagues of his. He is great PR for work however he told me in his last message that (he is really busy and doesn’t know yet). If we’re not together it won’t do anything against my career. The awkward part would be occasionally bumping into him company dinners, and whenever he comes to our firm for business meeting. I probably will see him once a month tops on Christmas four times. I just know if he wants to see me, he knows he can come to the small firm. I worked for.

 

The last message he told me was this…

Be back mid July… Hope to meet you in person when I return. Don’t know what is going to happen, yet.

Cheers

 

(Scottish Guy)

I was kind of confused about the words don’t know what is going to happen yet.

I came out of two serious relationships that all ended at 25. I mentioned that earlier, it left me heartbroken and for three years; I have been single. A part of me likes the fact that I feel a way about someone but a bit me of is scared of being once again heartbroken, disappointed and sad.

Do you think we stand a chance? He seems to not mind that I am Nigerian and he is Scottish. I like that he is so easy to talk to. I also enjoy his calm demeanor and how great he makes me feel very supportive and reassured. I am lonely single girl (who hasn’t had any interaction with a man in 3 years) and he is single man (who is a workaholic and too busy to be with women).

 

I am rambling on do we stand a chance. I didn’t want to get my heart attached but I feel it already did. I don’t know what to do. Is this something between us going to improve or do I give up and start healing my broken heart. This has been going on since January and it is now June. Do we stand a chance? Sorry I wrote a lot but wanted to get this information off my chest and talk to someone about it. Thank you so much everyone. The more advice the merrier it is.

I am the last one who sent an email and so far two weeks no response. My decision is to wait till he responds to me. Once he reaches out to me what should I do. How do I straighten out this mess? When we see or communicate each other what should I do? A part of me doesn’t want to be pushy but a part of me wants to be not led on. I feel vulnerable confused, hopeful and I feel alone with this feeling. Once in a while messages or things he does makes me feel he feels the same.

 

Especially his previous last message where he told me he wanted to see me in person with big capital letter’s and exclamation.

Also he never flat out directly told me he likes me but sends me messages, emails or signals that say he is interested. But those words weren’t directly stated but everything alludes to it. I am not crazy for thinking he likes me he tells me thinks like don’t be a stranger, open up, I was waiting for your message. He also says in his text “can’t wait to see you in person” implying after I come back from my meeting, I want to see you. I also equally express the same interest telling him, I wish he was here and have fun on his trip.

 

Here is my whole story… just waiting for your advice.

Edited June 16, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[jbelle6]

Hi Lindsey!

 

He sounds very fond of you.

I think saying that he wants to see you in person is very promising. I wouldn't worry about him not responding to emails right now because he seems to be the type to focus on work.

 

The religion issue I can't really guess at because I don't know how religious he is himself or how tied he is to his religion. I simply don't know him. That will be something you will have to find out from him.

 

I would leave it be for now. You sent your message so just wait for him to contact you.

 

I hope it all works out!

[Lindsey-Wood]

jbelle6: Sorry for the long time it took for me to respond.

 

A bit of me felt bad exposing my life story or problem. I was trying to delete the thread. I felt bad stating that I am Muslim (I didn't want to represent anyone or make Islam look bad). I felt really bad and wanted to delete the entire thread.

 

But thank you for your advice.

it is really great I do know he is fond of me. My problem is having different religion. I don't know how I am going to sort that out. I also have an emotionally invested relationship with him. Tell him all my problems, he is a good listener consoles me and offers me great advice. He wants to see where we go with this and so do i. But it will be hard to get close to him, if I don't know where our future will be. I like him a lot, I am scared I will love him and he won't become muslim and we break up and I end up heartbroken.

Since this is my biggest issue, I want it to be the first one solved. Having the same religion is very important to me as it is against my religion to marry non muslim man. Believing in one God is really important to me and it is a deal breaker when it comes to finding a soul mate. my question is how do i bring up this huge issue without sounding pushy or rude. How do I approach this from a caring concerned way. I tell him all my problems but this one problem is the hardest for me to communicate.