jesha Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 (edited) Long story short, I've been in an on and off relationship with someone for three years. A few weeks ago we ended things permanently. I brought up something to him that bothered me in the conversation we had before we ended things. He likes to use his social media (facebook, instagram, and twitter) to post really ridiculous and crude things (like pictures of him drinking, half naked women, even pictures of himself puking sometimes.....). He changes his instagram name daily to things like "pussy_money_weed", "kuntkilla69", "ienjoynudes" etc... I think maybe he does this for the attention he gets...people think of him as this funny party guys who does crazy things. I explained that it bothers me that he does this because he acted like I didn't exist. It made me feel like I wasn't important in his life because he didn't act like he was dating someone. Also my family could view his social media and on one occasion a family member asked me why he acted so vulgar and I was embarrassed. When I told him it bothered me, he basically said that he wouldn't stop doing it, it didn't matter what he posted on social media, and that he didn't really care how I felt about it enough to change. So that is partly why things are over now. Now that we've been broken up, he is making his posts and instagram names even more ridiculous and vulgar. Is he trying to get to me?. Why do you think he feels like its so important for him to act like that? What did he feel like he was losing if he stopped posting stuff like that for me? Am I alone in thinking that the way he was acting was hurtful towards me? Was I overreacting about it? I'm just trying to understand the way he thinks. Edited June 16, 2014 by jesha
Mondmellonw Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 I think he was being disrespectful to both you and himself. His acting on Internet makes him look like an idiot, is he also an idiot on real life? lol You know, the thing about social media is that many people show the best of themselves (or they fake to be better than they really are) , so... I dunno what to think of him.
Author jesha Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 You know, I think he might be an idiot lol He has a habit of breaking up with me and wanting me back a month later, but this time it's not happening
Mondmellonw Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Yup, he was indeed acting like he is an idiot. But don't make a fool of yourself and get back with him at the moment he decides to come back (and I think he will, he has an established pattern to come back to you). Are you currently on strict NC?
Author jesha Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 Absolutely. I always go straight to NC. Delete him off all social media and delete his number. 1
writergal Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Jesha have you two broken up and reconciled a lot over the 3 years of your relationship? Does this time feel the same? Or does it feel different? Do you want this time to "take," and be permanent? Why do you think he feels like its so important for him to act like that? What did he feel like he was losing if he stopped posting stuff like that for me? Am I alone in thinking that the way he was acting was hurtful towards me? Was I overreacting about it? I'm just trying to understand the way he thinks. He's told you that he doesn't care about what you think of his antics online. Why don't you actually believe him? It seems like you're still worried about what he thinks of you, since you're trying to understand the way he thinks. After 3 years together and you still don't know how your boyfriend thinks? That's not good. That shows a lack of true emotional intimacy between you and him. If he were emotionally available to you, you'd know why he acts that way online by now. Deep down you must feel like you deserve better than him, yet this isn't the first time you've broken up with him over his crass behavior. If this breakup with him is the final one for you, the only question you should ask yourself is: Why did I put up with that for 3 years? 2
Author jesha Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 This time around I feel a lot different about the situation....I feel like I'm ready to move on from the relationship and I haven't felt all that sad about it. I've always known that it wasn't right, but I've gone back to him to stop the pain and because I didn't want to lose my first love. Now I'm thinking more clearly about everything. The only thing that hurts is that I've never felt like he didn't care about me...since he basically said he didn't care about how I felt. I knew he was confused about life but I've just realized that he doesn't consider me to be that important in his life. So now I'm ready to move on. Thank you for helping me put things into perspective
Mondmellonw Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Absolutely. I always go straight to NC. Delete him off all social media and delete his number. Then it will better to keep it that way. Good luck 1
writergal Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 The best thing to do is to feel the pain from the break-up with him, and to move through it to the other side. However long it takes, it takes. Find friends or whomever to help you process through the past 3 years if you have to. At least it was only 3 years, not 30. So you are lucky to nip this in the bud now. 1
flitzanu Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 i will say, being an internet idiot, there is SOME merit to him having his freedom to post what he wants, and be who he wants, butttt....when you've explained that his behavior bothers him and he told you that he doesn't care what you think...then that makes it pretty clear he "DOESN'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK". sounds like a waste of time for you. 1
JoeFallkon Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Dont mind him anymore, just block / delete him and you wont see those names anymore. Sometime you tell people not to do stuff and they do it more, just to bug and to get attention.
jbelle6 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Ok, PLEASE tell me that you are NOT going to get back together with kuntkilla69. PLEASE. This guy sounds like such a dork. You are WAY too cute for that. I also need to point out that if you are checking out his new names on his instagram then you are NOT no contact. People need to realize that their online presence is almost as important as their real life presence now days. Employers look at these things, your family looked at these things. It is not just anonymous posts on the net. He has a right to post what he wants, absolutely, that is who he is and if you don't like it you don't have to be with him. I had a couple of pages liked on Facebook and my exes Mum is VERY religious, he asked me kindly if I could hide my likes or remove them so she didn't get the wrong idea. I loved him so to me that was a reasonable request. I didn't think twice. 4
Author jesha Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 Update...he friend requested one of my best friends on facebook this morning (one that he never liked). Is he trying to make me mad or is he trying to keep tabs on me? I don't know
writergal Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 Update...he friend requested one of my best friends on facebook this morning (one that he never liked). Is he trying to make me mad or is he trying to keep tabs on me? I don't know I thought you were done with this guy? Who knows why he friend requested one of your best friends. Did she/he accept the friend request from him? I'd be more pissed if he/she did that, than I would wonder why your ex sent the friend request. 1
Sugarkane Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 How old is this guy? He sounds like he's 15 or something? He sounds like a wacko.
Author jesha Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 I think all people (not just girls) fall in love with people who aren't good for them. In my case, even after I realized that I needed to move on to something better, it's hard to make a clean break after a three year relationship and not worry about trivial things like this. You second guess everything and analyze everything they say and do after a messy breakup. I don't know why people (including myself) stay in bad relationships. Fear of loneliness perhaps? False hope? But no matter how ****ty of a person they are, it doesn't make it hurt any less. And no, she didn't accept the request. I would be pissed lol
Author jesha Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 We are both 21. Yes, he does act like a 15 year old. But he thinks he is very sophisticated and mature....
lonegirl Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 It's all about respect. If he's not willing to make a few changes (easily done) on things that are bothering you, it means he has no respect about your boundaries. I honestly would be pissed if my boyfriend kept pics of naked women on his PC or posted them on social media for all my friends and family to see. He does this because you are allowing him when you take him back. You two are young, but there are great young men with enough maturity to not hurt your feelings, give you heart and headaches and that will respect your boundaries.
firmness Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 This is perhaps THE most classic situation of all time. You fell for him, in part because he is a "Bad boy" and unfortunately bad boys also come with this sort of behavior. It is almost guaranteed. Even with everything we know, nearly two decades of the internet educating the world's youth, books, articles, and videos on dating, women still like bad boys...for a while. If this cycle has not broken by now, it never will. You are asking a rational question to solve an irrational problem. Your attraction to this guy is irrational. Your observation of his behavior (and the judgments that come along with it) are completely rational. The two do not mix, but then that's amore in a nutshell! Some women are the equivalent of bad boys. They are hot, flirty, sexy, and open. If there is a god, he invented these women to make life worth living. I would not give up one of my memories of dating the bad girls in my life. But I would never marry one. That is not why nature created them. You have to decide which type are you? If you are a bad girl, then you have one hell of a journey ahead of you. I would consider staying single and enjoying this part of my life. Have fund, ignore this guy's silly behavior. I guarantee that you have been a jerk at some time or another, but you just do not realize it and no one is going to tell you. And if they did, you probably considered them a jerk for being mean to you. Just a guess. When you are truly ready to be in a serious relationship as you approach 30, then you will know what to do. Good luck. 1
Zahara Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 (edited) to post really ridiculous and crude things (like pictures of him drinking, half naked women, even pictures of himself puking sometimes.....). He changes his instagram name daily to things like "pussy_money_weed", "kuntkilla69", "ienjoynudes" etc... I'm not sure why the focus is on him and why he behaves the way he does. Question would be why do you keep going back to someone that you said is an idiot, acts immaturely, speaks crudely, disrespects you -- I can't imagine dating someone that presented themselves this way. Instead of focusing on him, maybe it's time for you to look inward. Too many years you've invested in dysfunction. And people stay in bad relationships for fear of being alone, fear of abandonment, etc. -- as well as having low self-esteem. If you are serious about detaching from this guy, remove/block him from social media, tell your friends to keep any information about him away from you and move on from this. You're 21. Don't start going down this road. The more you keep investing in these types of people, the more you are going to condition and pattern yourself to accept less than what you deserve when it comes to future relationships. Edited June 17, 2014 by Zahara
Author jesha Posted June 17, 2014 Author Posted June 17, 2014 These are all very good points. Thank you!
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