Elle1975 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 A few weeks of dating is too early to meet his daughter. That's just my opinion. I would just explain that you want to build solid foundations, and I'd reassure him that you're fine with him having a daughter. My mother had boyfriends that she called "friends". It took me years to realize who they really were I wish she would have introduced them as her boyfriends. I would have been happy for her. However, again, I would feel weird to meet his kid after just 3 weeks or something similar.
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 I think he's just so excited about having a 'potential girlfriend' I have dated as in ( just gone on a few dates) with guys that just want to rush a relationship because they're a bit inexperienced and a bit over excited that they want to claim you immediately as their own. I just want to take my time with this guy and the chid introduction will just have to wait. I have to get to use to the idea that a few days a week I'm actually spending the time with him!
Elle1975 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 I think he's just so excited about having a 'potential girlfriend' I have dated as in ( just gone on a few dates) with guys that just want to rush a relationship because they're a bit inexperienced and a bit over excited that they want to claim you immediately as their own. I just want to take my time with this guy and the chid introduction will just have to wait. I have to get to use to the idea that a few days a week I'm actually spending the time with him! If he likes you, he'll stick around. I can't see him telling his friends "this freak wouldn't meet my daughter after three dates! Unbelievable!"
pteromom Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Tell him that you feel very honored that he would want you to meet his daughter, but that experts suggest you wait 6 months, and you want to be sure you have a very good idea that you will continue being involved in his daughter's life before you meet her and start to care about her. It's simply not fair to her to get attached to you and then possibly lose you, when it doesn't have to be that way. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 I dont think it was a test as in "will she meet my kid" I think it might have been a test as in "how does she interact with my kid" Oh yeah, that's what I meant -- the latter, not the former. But I still don't like that. I understand that it's important to see how the other person interacts with the kid, but to me that indicates that I am assumed guilty and have to prove myself innocent, that I am not trusted, etc. Honestly, I think one can tell early on how the person WILL interact with the kid. I made sure to listen attentively and be positive in my responses and reactions every time he talked about his son, and even to inquire about his well-being and what he was up to these days, etc. Compare that to someone who gets visibly upset every time he brings up his kid, etc.,for example. Mind you, I did not feel too happy about his kid coming up every 2 seconds of conversation during a date or whatever, but I still dealt with it to the best of my abilities. I don't think someone like me would have needed to "pass" any test of his. At that rate, from the perspective of the gf/bf of the parent, what about his/her need to test their partner to see if they would be willing to put him/her first at least some of the time ? (example: if I wanted us to do something together that week and he had the option of leaving the kid with his parents or his ex, for a few hrs or a day, would he do it, despite the fact that it's his time of the week to see the kid?). Personally, I can't say I like his kid, but I don't dislike him either. I don't want to hang out with him in his kid's presence, if that entails having to make sure the entire time that I don't say or do anything that will give the kid clues that I'm more than a friend. I mean, that is too much work. It feels unnatural to me.And what's the threshold for passing his test? For how long and how often do I need to interact with his kid? When does it end, if ever? Do I have to spend the entire duration of the relationship trying to prove myself? Or what? Why can't people just let their guard down a little, trust their instincts, and live a little? I am really upset and unhappy with the fact that I was tested and that once he got his satisfactory answer, he just hit the brakes -- didn't proceed any further with it.
NoMoreJerks Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 I think at this stage perhaps he has decided before I have that he is more serious about me than I am about him.I like him, I do. But I think I want the pace to be slow and I'd appreciate it from him. I haven't had a serious boyfriend in over a decade and most guys in between ( flings etc..) have hurt me and screwed me over... so for my HEART I want things slow. And introducing me to child is too fast for my liking. It kind of freaks me out. There's a huge gap in our relationship experience. He's been married, divorce and single for three years. I've been single for eleven. I am feeling cautious about the whole thing. And one thing I'm starting to even getting USED to is, is the fact that a guy really likes me and is so far not outing on me and leaving me. I hold on to that all the time and I appreciate and am really grateful because he has become more special to me because I have waited an insanely long time for him. But the child thing is too soon. I just want to get use to being in a dating situation, and I probably wont really want to get to know the child for at least six months or even more. I am feeling tentative. Naturally. I explained how I feel and he understands, but feels sad that I am not use to nice guys and that I have to " get use to him". But quite understanding so far. I understand, completely. Personally, when he introduced me to his kid, I went through a turbulent week. Turbulent in terms of emotions: I felt like I would never be part of that. I would always be the "outsider", because he had a history with the ex that he cannot just put away and tuck into the back of his head. I don't know how to explain it. I just felt like I'll always be the outsider with his kid, especially that his kid is 10. I would not have felt this way if his kid was younger, so perhaps you are not in as unenviable a position in that sense as I was. I would've preferred if his kid were a 5 year old girl, rather than a 10 year old boy who is very aggressive with new people he meets, especially when (I suspect), he suspects that his father has a romantic interest in the woman ...
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