robg80 Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 so I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years we lived together for almost 1 year now. She recently told me that when our lease expires that she wants to move back in with her parentsand its been 3 weeks and she told me that or lease expires in three more weeks but she hasn't moved out. She said that she needs to be able to have the freedom to do what she wants to do without feeling like she has to answer to me, she wants to explore the things that used to make her happy and be independent. We decided to call off our engagement and take things back to just being in a relationship.I don't understand why she hasn't moved in with her parents she said she wanted the independence of not having to live with me but she still continues to stay at our place even though the only thing that's hers is the bedroom furniture so it would be very easy for her to leave?she recently started going out with her friends after work and being more social which has been pretty hard on me because I feel like I'm still staying at home waiting for her to come back in the door. I just signed a new lease on a new apartment by myself and next week I'm going to start moving my stuff into that new place but I still don't understand why she hasn't moved out
Nimbus4dt Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Not meaning to be harsh but mine effectively did this, said the same, "I don't wish to be beholden to anyone" started going out, mobile going all times of the day and night with texts/e-mails. Within a very short while (3 months of complete hell) I got the I love you but am not in love with you bull**** and that was that. I am not sure about your situation/relationship but you have already delayed your engagement, she wishes to move out and be with parents, be sure that she is not just staying there while she finds someone else, she is maybe detaching herself from you, this is what mine did, slowly. Be interested to hear what others think but I would be tempted to do the deed before she does it on you, after all "dumpers" are the ones who seem to heal quicker. Maybe take control of the situation and play her at her own game.
Author robg80 Posted June 14, 2014 Author Posted June 14, 2014 I really feel like the only thing that she's accomplishing is making me feel very bitter.I feel like she's making all the decisions here she decided that she wanted to move back in with her parents she decided that we should put the engagement on hold she's deciding that she wants to go out more but then she sits there and looks me in the eye and says I'm sorry if I'm making you feel bad but the truth is she's not sorry because she's choosing to do these things. I am just looking forward to moving into my new place and not having to feel like I can't actively pursue my new life because of the strings that I have attached to her.
d0nnivain Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 I'm sorry to say this but she is ending your relationship painfully slowly . . . first she called off the engagement, now she's moving out . . . Once she has a bit more physical distance between you she is going to start being too busy or too tired to see you. 1
jbelle6 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I really feel like the only thing that she's accomplishing is making me feel very bitter.I feel like she's making all the decisions here she decided that she wanted to move back in with her parents she decided that we should put the engagement on hold she's deciding that she wants to go out more but then she sits there and looks me in the eye and says I'm sorry if I'm making you feel bad but the truth is she's not sorry because she's choosing to do these things. I am just looking forward to moving into my new place and not having to feel like I can't actively pursue my new life because of the strings that I have attached to her. She IS making all the decisions. Unfortunately the person with the less feelings holds all the power. I would rip the bandaid off and end it myself if I were you but easier said than done I know.
Mr.Pine Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 She recently told me that when our lease expires that she wants to move back in with her parents Translation: She is tired of being with you, sleeping with you, waking up to you, eating with you, the mere thought of you. She said that she needs to be able to have the freedom to do what she wants to do without feeling like she has to answer to me. Translation: She wants to start and/or continue banging the guy she met at the corner store recently. We decided to call off our engagement Best. Move. Ever. The relationship is over. Sorry, brother.
lolablue17 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 She will respect you much more if you stop being her doormat. Pack her clothes in a suitcase, and tell her she has 24 hours to evacuate herself. Change the lock, and stop being her puppy. BTW, it's over if you haven't noticed. 3
firmness Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 There is one bright spot here. The best way to get past this tough time is to completely extract yourself from the situation. In so doing you are sending her (and yourself!) the signal that you have boundaries and needs that demand as much respect as hers. She wants out? Give it to her - completely. She wants freedom? She has already taken this, so you do not need to give her anything. She wants independence? Give it to her. Her parents will take that back a bit, but you are not her parents. Kick her ass out NOW! After this is all done, get back to having a social life. I suspect that this is your real problem. You got too hooked on her, ignored your social development and became clingy. This is classic and easy enough to see from what you have written. Once you get back your social life, NEVER EVER let it go again for anyone. Your social life is part of what makes us attractive to the opposite sex. We need people - couple friends. Your guy friends. Her girlfriends. You don't just dump your life and hope to glom onto hers. Right? Once you do all of this, you will become attractive to her. But once that happens, you will likely see her as less attractive because she abandoned you. Your values tell you that even though you might have screwed up a bit, she bailed on you when things were at their most crucial. She has the right to do this. But what if you got sick, or injured? You can do better dude. Dump her and move on. Chin up and get into the gym.
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