HopefulandTrue Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I sent the guy that I'm dating a text day before yesterday that said "How are you doing today?"; he didn't respond. I sent him another text yesterday asking him "Are you doing ok?"; he didn't respond. Today he responded to the last text. I was upset that he took so long to respond to a simple text. Should I be upset with him about this? The reason I ask is because two friends of mine (1 male and 1 female) sometimes don't respond to my texts at all and I don't get too upset about it. I've been friends with both almost a year. Also, I've known this guy about 5 months, but we just started dating 2 months ago. I'm not sure if I'm being biased since they're friends of mine and he's the guy I'm dating.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 You're allowed to be upset about that. But you're not allowed to be upset about it and never tell him that this bothers you. Well, I guess technically you are "allowed" to do both, but you get my point. Anytime this has happened to me, sending some sort of mildly snarky "and it only took you 24hrs to tell me that ;)", etc reply usually got my point across well enough. But bluntly asking someone not to take forever to reply to you does the best of all. 1
Assasda Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Dont be afraid to ask him whats up. sensibly ofcourse 3
ExpatInItaly Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I would find that quite inconsiderate and strange. Has he ever been unresponsive before? How's his interest level lately? I can't fathom not respond ing to a simple text from someone I'm genuinely interested in. 2
Author HopefulandTrue Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 I would find that quite inconsiderate and strange. Has he ever been unresponsive before? How's his interest level lately? I can't fathom not respond ing to a simple text from someone I'm genuinely interested in. He's done this once about 2 weeks ago; he told me he was in bed sick all day that time. We work together and he did call out that day, so I don't think he was lying. On the text he sent yesterday, he said that he's been exhausted the last couple of days and that his phone was dead the second day I sent him a text. I haven't responded yet. His interest level hasn't changed. When we're around each other at work or not, he always shows interest. He's always trying to be around me. He's pretty inconsistent when it comes to phone communication though.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 He's done this once about 2 weeks ago; he told me he was in bed sick all day that time. We work together and he did call out that day, so I don't think he was lying. On the text he sent yesterday, he said that he's been exhausted the last couple of days and that his phone was dead the second day I sent him a text. I haven't responded yet. His interest level hasn't changed. When we're around each other at work or not, he always shows interest. He's always trying to be around me. He's pretty inconsistent when it comes to phone communication though. His phone was dead all day? That doesn't really make a lot of sense. 1
TXGuy Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 His phone was dead all day? That doesn't really make a lot of sense. Some people are not surgically attached to their phone. I've had a phone battery die and not feel compelled to charge it for a day. Another possibility is he didn't check it all day. Perhaps even that he saw the text and didn't feel compelled to answer it that day. Some people, more often guys apparently, do not feel the need for frequent contact as much as others do. You just have to figure out if that is something you are ok with. 1
preraph Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Don't you ever get tired of someone constantly trying to keep tabs on you? I mean, there's many reasons not to answer a text, but that would be at the top of my list. Only text when you need to for some specific reason, not just to see if he'll text back. 1
Author HopefulandTrue Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 Don't you ever get tired of someone constantly trying to keep tabs on you? I mean, there's many reasons not to answer a text, but that would be at the top of my list. Only text when you need to for some specific reason, not just to see if he'll text back. I wouldn't classify asking someone "How are you doing today" as keeping tabs. It's a simple question to ask anyone, especially if you haven't seen or heard from them in a few days. 4
georgecostanza Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 I wouldn't classify asking someone "How are you doing today" as keeping tabs. It's a simple question to ask anyone, especially if you haven't seen or heard from them in a few days. Without wanting to sound rude, it's also not a very interesting or thoughtful question. You're not exactly compelling him to respond. You're more likely to succeed with something more personal or more enticing. Also, some people just don't need to have contact with people they're dating ever day, or actively need space. 2 days without contact would be fine for me, but for others it isn't, so if you're on a different wavelength about this you should try and discuss it with him. 2
angel.eyes Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 His phone was dead all day? That doesn't really make a lot of sense. Perhaps the phone charger was exhausted? Maybe the wall outlet was just out of reach, and he was too exhausted to move an inch. OP, does he initiate communication? Is it 50:50? Less? More? If you don't contact him, how long will he go before contacting you? I know you think his interest level is unchanged over the last two weeks, but things like this are often early signs of waning interest and a slow swirl down the drain. Wish I could be more positive. 2
angel.eyes Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Without wanting to sound rude, it's also not a very interesting or thoughtful question. You're not exactly compelling him to respond. You're more likely to succeed with something more personal or more enticing. Also, some people just don't need to have contact with people they're dating ever day, or actively need space. 2 days without contact would be fine for me, but for others it isn't, so if you're on a different wavelength about this you should try and discuss it with him. When a guy is really excited about you, he'll respond to anything! He won't sit there deliberating whether the text is "interesting enough" to merit a response. You don't need to "force" a response with carefully crafted texts.When he no longer cares, things change. That's my observation anyway. 3
Author HopefulandTrue Posted June 14, 2014 Author Posted June 14, 2014 Perhaps the phone charger was exhausted? Maybe the wall outlet was just out of reach, and he was too exhausted to move an inch. OP, does he initiate communication? Is it 50:50? Less? More? If you don't contact him, how long will he go before contacting you? I know you think his interest level is unchanged over the last two weeks, but things like this are often early signs of waning interest and a slow swirl down the drain. Wish I could be more positive. It's about 60(me):40(him) and normally we talk in person. We use text and calls to set up dates mainly. Usually, we see each other 4 or 5 days a week at work, but for the past 2 weeks our schedules only match up 1 day in the week. It's been kind of hard to see each other lately because if I'm at work, he's off and vice/versa.
Author HopefulandTrue Posted June 14, 2014 Author Posted June 14, 2014 Without wanting to sound rude, it's also not a very interesting or thoughtful question. You're not exactly compelling him to respond. You're more likely to succeed with something more personal or more enticing. Also, some people just don't need to have contact with people they're dating ever day, or actively need space. 2 days without contact would be fine for me, but for others it isn't, so if you're on a different wavelength about this you should try and discuss it with him. I don't contact him everyday. The main reason I sent him the text a few days ago was to check on him because he was sick a couple of days before and I hadn't seen or heard from him. There have been times when he'll send a text saying "Hey there" and I'll respond. Is "Hey there" a very interesting or thoughtful text?
jbelle6 Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 I would have given him a couple of days to respond to the first text at least.
angel.eyes Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Have you had mismatched work schedules before? Were communication patterns different then? What you're interested in are changes in patterns and frequency of communication, specifically fall-offs if any. Ditto for the effort he invests in your relationship. Also, trust your intuition. It's never failed me. 1
Author HopefulandTrue Posted June 14, 2014 Author Posted June 14, 2014 It's about 60(me):40(him) and normally we talk in person. We use text and calls to set up dates mainly. Usually, we see each other 4 or 5 days a week at work, but for the past 2 weeks our schedules only match up 1 day in the week. It's been kind of hard to see each other lately because if I'm at work, he's off and vice/versa. At work communication is 40(me):60(him). He always finds an excuse to be around me at work.
Author HopefulandTrue Posted June 14, 2014 Author Posted June 14, 2014 Have you had mismatched work schedules before? Were communication patterns different then? What you're interested in are changes in patterns and frequency of communication, specifically fall-offs if any. Ditto for the effort he invests in your relationship. Also, trust your intuition. It's never failed me. Our schedules have pretty much met up since about a month or two before we started dating; that's how we became close. He hasn't been much of a phone guy since the beginning; sometimes he'll respond right away and sometimes he'll respond hours later. It's the 2 days to respond thing that had me going this time. My intuition tells me that he likes me, but I don't like his phone habits. Should I mention this to him or am I going overboard with this? We're not on the level of boyfriend/girlfriend yet; right now we're just dating and seeing what happens. I'm new to this whole dating thing and I really don't know how I should handle it.
Author HopefulandTrue Posted June 14, 2014 Author Posted June 14, 2014 I would have given him a couple of days to respond to the first text at least. If I'm asking "How are you doing today"? I'm curious why I should give him a few days for an answer to that question.
RachR Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Without wanting to sound rude, it's also not a very interesting or thoughtful question. You're not exactly compelling him to respond. You're more likely to succeed with something more personal or more enticing. Does sending a text to touch base or start a text conversation with someone you're already dating always need to be "enticing?" If so, that sounds high maintenance. And personally, I find it thoughtful and nice when someone asks how I'm doing when I know or sense they are actually interested in knowing that (i.e. not a random coworker just making chit chat or a first message on a dating site etc.)
todreaminblue Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Without wanting to sound rude, it's also not a very interesting or thoughtful question. You're not exactly compelling him to respond. You're more likely to succeed with something more personal or more enticing. Also, some people just don't need to have contact with people they're dating ever day, or actively need space. 2 days without contact would be fine for me, but for others it isn't, so if you're on a different wavelength about this you should try and discuss it with him. no caring isnt interestin gis it what a thoughtless and boring thing to ask....i them am by design and nature alone, a thoughtlesss lack lustre boring person to ask such a thing which is often the first soft question i would ask to start a conversation because i actually care how they are and am enquiring as such.......stupid me so socially graceless...where is my brain lately.....noted...was goign to ask if you are male....and then i read george constanza....nevermind.....commiserations given.......deb
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 I dated a guy for a few weeks that was like that. I confronted him and he told me that he is busy at work blah blah. So I pressed further and he finally admitted that he is not fully over his ex so he is not 100% into our "thing" but if I give him time blah blah. I just dumped him. Problem solved. 4
jbelle6 Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 (edited) If I'm asking "How are you doing today"? I'm curious why I should give him a few days for an answer to that question. Because, when he opens his texts he doesn't need to find "Hey how you doing" "Hey, you OK?" If you sent him a text once, and he wanted or had time to respond, he would have, just don't see the point of the second text is all. Men can find that stuff sort of clingy if it's done too much. I also find his lack of enthusiasm pretty obvious, so I cringe when I see people texting guys/girls that aren't really giving them much time of day multiple times. I think when you first start dating, sure, shoot a text I guess, but then chill and let him respond. Why should you give him a few days? Because he obviously wanted space or he would have responded the first time. If he didn't get back to that second text, would you have sent a third because why should you give him FOUR days? And so on and so on. Don't look desperate. Edited June 14, 2014 by jbelle6
todreaminblue Posted June 14, 2014 Posted June 14, 2014 Because, when he opens his texts he doesn't need to find "Hey how you doing" "Hey, you OK?" If you sent him a text once, and he wanted or had time to respond, he would have, just don't see the point of the second text is all. Men can find that stuff sort of clingy if it's done too much. you are right no response is a pretty clear indication of disinterest and actual disrespect and there is really no point to a second text...... 1
PreciousOne Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I would say he's not interested or maybe has another situation going on. All people want to feel as if they are thought about. If you are interested in someone whether your big on using phones or not you will check your phone if you want to hear from them or call them. Don't chase him(not saying you are) let him come to you. 1
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