marcelo.santos Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Hi, Need advice here.. I'm a male with 39 and she is 26 - I'm very interested in her. We had 3 nice dates. Since first dating she demonstrated that she was interested in me - but I'm confused with her contradictory behavior: The problem is that after the first dating it was very difficult to have each of the other 2 met with her.. every time we schedule a dating for the next day and on the meeting day she send me a message that is not possible to met, because she is very tired, or some excuses that I don't know if it is true. We tried about 6 times to have only 2 meetings after first date. I believed that she was not interested enough and so I decided last week to sent a polite message to her telling that I gave up and we will not met again - she replied telling that she became very sad with my message and she asked apologies - she told me that she would try to improve and that she is still interested in me. She told me that if she became not interested she will tell me that and not give excuses. But we had a meeting scheduled for yesterday and on last minute she told that it would not be possible to met again... and that she would contact me when she arrive at home at night - what never happened.. I became very disappointed. Today she sent me a message ignoring what happened yesterday talking about other things. I'm very anxious and sad with this situation. What I do? give up? try to be more patient and continue the game? Or talk a second time with her that I'm disappointed... I'm afraid to talk a second time and demonstrate that I'm disappointed and with this be very demanding to her too early (we met only 3 times).
oldshirt Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 The day that I finally achieved enlightenment was the day that I realized that nothing that comes out of anyone's mouth means a single thing, but that what people do means everything. My grandmother always used to say, 'actions speak louder that words' but I never knew what that really meant untill I realized people ARE their actions. That means if she doesn't show up for your dates, that means she's not dating you no matter what she says. That means if she doesn't make the time to meet you, you aren't important to her. People do what is important to them. That means if she is too tired to meet you, that means that laying on the couch means more to her than seeing you. That means if she wanted to see you, she would. My recommendation is invest no more time or energy into this woman and take someone else out instead. If that person actually shows up, then they get the benifit of your company. 2
Author marcelo.santos Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 people ARE their actions. I agree 100% with you. But her actions are contradictory: one day before yesterday, she take the action to call me at night asking to have a meeting that was not scheduled and this was meeting #3 I'm still confused with her actions
angel.eyes Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Nothing to be confused about. She's not ACTUALLY meeting with you even after you talked to her about your disappointment at her seeming lack of interest. Words are cheap. Nothing has changed. Her actions--repeatedly cancelling and not showing up for your dates--tells you everything you need to know. It's time to move on to someone who will actually date you, not just talk ad nauseum about her intention to date you.
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Her repeatedly telling you she's too tired is a very lame excuse. She can drink a cup or coffee or down a Red Bull or something to get her enough energy to meet with a new guy. Usually the excitement of a new relationship alone creates enough adrenaline to propel even the hardest busiest workers into a few hours of time with their new squeeze. She either has a medical condition or she's blowing you off. Which do you think is more likely?
askmrknowitall Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Here is something you would never have considered. She is trying to see how much you would allow her to control you. Wouldn't you agree that her treatment of you is outrageous. Have you ever seen those ads where women charge men so much per hour just to talk to them on the phone. Well this is how they get clients. They look for men who would allow themselves to be treated just as you're being treated. Who else would pay a woman just to spend time with them. Only someone who would allow themselves to be treated as you're being treated.
ascendotum Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I agree 100% with you. But her actions are contradictory: one day before yesterday, she take the action to call me at night asking to have a meeting that was not scheduled and this was meeting #3 I'm still confused with her actions Yeah, but this meeting #3....isn't that the meeting that she flaked out on? Cancelling a date is not great, but sometimes there are good reasons. In her case with that meeting, she flaked, yet again, despite the recent chat about promising to be more attentive of you. Plus she cancelled at the last minute, which is rude in terms of not giving you good notice to make other plans. Plus seems she did not give you a strong valid reason for cancelling on you. Plus when she called the next day she did not analogize and totally skipped over standing you up the day before like it was no big deal...because it wasn't to her (and you aren't a big deal to her) I know you got the hots for her, but she I'd say has lots of options, and you are one but certainly not her first priority. You just have to consider her the same.
ktya Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Im dating a few girls in similar situations to this. Key for you is get more girls to date dont get one-girl-itus over this one because given the age difference she has a TON of choice and probably has guys approaching her all the time. One girl I have been talking to for six months. She works 8am-9pm Monday to Friday and takes extra shifts on the weekends plus shes a church girl on Saturdays and plays Badminton in a league. Not much time left to meet someone plus we live about a half hour away. I text her from time to time, sometimes she is exhausted and sometimes she is excited to talk to me. Luckily I am also dating and talking to 7 other girls so I dont really give a rats ass if she is too tired to talk or I cant line something up. Another I have been dating for a little over two months. I was hanging with her almost every weekend and then her work got hectic, she has 3 jobs, and I haven't seen her in a 2-3 weeks now. Maybe she's losing interest, maybe she is just busy. She hasnt given me a signal that she wants me to Fck off so I keep grinding her, texting her hello and trying to line something up. Again I have lots of other girls to talk to and meet so even 7 days with minimal contact doesn't bother me. A tertiary story (just because the ages are similar) is I'm 37 and this 26 year old nurse I had one "date" with I talk to regularly. She keeps on how she is recently single and not sure she's ready to date; she lives a ways away and I live in an urban area and dont drive and ladedadeda. I dont give a crap and I keep zapping her. One day she's going to get lonely and want to get drunk and have sex in the week before her period so I keep her in the loop and hope for the best. But again I have another bunch of girls I talk to so I am not all wounded as I grind away. If she fades off I just text someone else. Moral of the story? You arent exclusive until you meet someone and decide to go exclusive. Dont sit around and wait for her but you dont have to give up on her entirely either.
phineas Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 When someone cancels on me with a lame excuse and doesn't reschedule I assume the position of "she has my number" and move on. Life is so much better now. 2
Assasda Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Women change their minds. Try not to live and die by the actions of a woman. Dont put so much pressure on her too. Be unflappable. Act like you'd want her company, on those dates, you dont need them. -Then she'll make more of an effort
askmrknowitall Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 THE PROBLEM IS NOT HER, THE PROBLEM IS YOU !! I have never in my life continued to date anyone that I would let treat me like this woman is treating you. You are missing the point, this woman is letting you see exactly who she is. You keep saying I DON'T LIKE WHO SHE IS, then YOU call her up and say to her, Hi here I am again. This woman has every RIGHT to be a the JERK that she is. The only RIGHT that you have is to stop seeing her because she is a JERK. The relationship between two people is whatever the two people agree upon as the relationship ( monogamous, open, bondage, etc.). Let me give you an example: lets say I meet a woman, and I say to her that I want her to be my sex slave. She says, no thank you I wouldn't be interested in being your sex slave. We start a relationship, and I treat her as my sex slave. But she stays in the relationship with me, but continues to say that she isn't my sex slave. It's doesn't matter what her mouth says, in reality she is my sex slave). YOU SIR, are being ABUSED ( that's whats bothering you about her behavior ). The fact that your mouth says, I DON"T WANT TO BE ABUSED, doesn't matter. The fact that you are remaining in a relationship where you are being abused say it's OK with you. That is now your, and her relationship, which you have agree to by your ACTIONS, or lack of ACTION. Know this my friend, abusers, abuse doesn't lessen in time it increases (as you pointed out, her behavior is getting worst). Ask any one who is trained in the field of abuse, and they'll tell you. The abuser first only yelled at you all of the time, then he only pushed you, then he only hit you,then he only threw you down the stairs.
2sunny Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I agree 100% with you. But her actions are contradictory: one day before yesterday, she take the action to call me at night asking to have a meeting that was not scheduled and this was meeting #3 I'm still confused with her actions A call takes no action. It's pretending to make effort. The fact that she simply doesn't meet with you when planned states the obvious - she's not THAT interested - or not interested enough to be sure she keeps her word. Since she doesn't keep her word by having her actions match - she's essentially made herself untrustworthy. I wouldn't even bother sending any further text - much less asking to see her. But that's me - I don't appreciate liars and people that waste others time. It's completely disrespectful. I doubt she would grit better at this as time goes forward - let her waste someone else's time. 1
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