Is this 'Break' Salvagable?

[kbrew]

So I got dumped yesterday. I took it well, I attempted no contact. But it didnt sit right. It came completely out the blue. One minaute shes telling me she loves me spontaneously. We go away on holiday together. Spend every weekend with eachother. Then bam.

 

 

The worst thing was the excuse. She said she didnt have time for us anymore. It didnt fit as she always wanted to come over, so I asked her and delved deeper.

 

She said we didnt have much in common. That she couldnt see a future for us. Which is confusing. Becuase we have the exact same tastes in music, movies, going out, clubs, bars, history, art etc.. I could go on.

 

Then she told me she found it hard to talk to me anymore because she was scared when I got angry that i'd turn it on her.

 

Now im not a violent man, ive maybe been in 2-3 fights. I get abit of road rage now and again and I do get angry when I see friends/family/loved ones slighted. Im a protector I cant help it. Ive never laid a finger on a girl and I only ever raise my voice to a girl in self defence. She told me her dad used to snap and it scared her. She told me she didnt like it. She hates confrontation. But me being who I am, I said I cant help it. Now im in this mess.

 

I apologised for snapping at other people around her. I explained it was just how I survived in a male dominated job (ex forces, now an engineer) and that I realised I needed to try and wind my neck in. Which is true, time to grow and learn new ways of dealing with things.

 

I asked her if she didnt love me anymore, she ignored the question. Which leads me to believe she does. The fact she got scared I think made her pull her guard up and retreat.

 

Anyway I tried to go with no contact. But unlike past relationships were I moved on straight away. It aint working. Maybe im getting soft in my age.

 

So I figured id try and bargain with her. After I apologised for snapping. I suggested we have a break, some time apart. But I asked her for one date after. Way I figure its my chance to give it one last go, see if I can sweep her off her feet again. If it doesnt work, well atleast I tried.

 

She immediately replied with "OK just give me some space. XXX". Bloody kisses start appearing again on messages, where there were none. Which is encouraging to say the least. But can also be deceptive with girls >.>. Then we talked.

 

She told me an incident really upset her. She wanted me to not park somewhere. It annoyed me becuase I had been driving for miles and now I had to look for somewhere else to park. I didnt snap at her. Like I say, I cant snap at a woman. But I may have said "for **** sake". I think this is the root, shes worried that i'd start directing it at her.

 

So anyway. My question is, do you think this is a salvagable situation?

 

Is there something I should do. Is there anything I can do beyond not talk to her for a few weeks?

 

Its hard to judge it when your looking at it through rose coloured glasses..

Edited June 11, 2014 by kbrew

[todreaminblue]

what was the instance that she saw that was just before her guard went up?

[kbrew]

what was the instance that she saw that was just before her guard went up?

 

I have a daughter. I have her every 2nd weekend. Shes about 18 months atm. My partner liked to drive down with me when I dropped my daughter of. My daughters mum knows about my new partner, she has one herself. But my new partner wasnt ready to meet her yet. Ussually I park around the corner. But there was a space about 10 doors down and behind a tree. I thought it would be safe but my new partner wasnt comfortable. I was annoyed, but I did as she asked.

 

In hindsight I was annoyed because I had to walk two streets with a baby car seat, my daughter and all the luggage.

 

My new partner just didnt wasnt ready to be seen.

 

EDIT:

 

The thing is she says she hasnt been able to talk for a couple of weeks. I just think this incident was the tip of the iceberg for her.

Edited June 11, 2014 by kbrew

[todreaminblue]

I have a daughter. I have her every 2nd weekend. Shes about 18 months atm. My partner liked to drive down with me when I dropped my daughter of. My daughters mum knows about my new partner, she has one herself. But my new partner wasnt ready to meet her yet. Ussually I park around the corner. But there was a space about 10 doors down and behind a tree. I thought it would be safe but my new partner wasnt comfortable. I was annoyed, but I did as she asked.

 

In hindsight I was annoyed because I had to walk two streets with a baby car seat, my daughter and all the luggage.

 

My new partner just didnt wasnt ready to be seen.

 

EDIT:

 

The thing is she says she hasnt been able to talk for a couple of weeks. I just think this incident was the tip of the iceberg for her.

 

 

ok .....as a mum with daughters, i would say the issue might be the daughter and the ex.......i think and feel this way as someone who often doesnt like confrontation,trut me i am amulitple adn different parts handle different things due to disassociation and avoidance issues..... i would not make a guy i was with, walk two streets to get his 18 month daughter or return her......and i would understand anger at having to do so ....i would say can i stay here honey, i cant deal with this you go be quick baby, and ill have something special when you come home for you..anger avoided instantly....feelings of expectation instilled....confrontation avoided.......i think you are right i think it may just be a lot deeper and an excuse used to cover a feeling of being overwhelmed trying to see why she went with you in the first place to drop off or pick up when she avoids confrontation...thinking thinking...overwhelmed more with jealousy perhaps.....deb

[todreaminblue]

hind sight

 

 

to avoid anger on your behalf or release her from feelling obligated to join you out of wanting to please you ......dont take her say hey babe i know your not comfortable i feel it.......how about from now on ill drop off and pick up and we can go to the park when I get back and feed some ducks......or i have a mystery place i want to take you when i get back no its a surprise you think about it and ill get back here soon quick kiss hugs smile leave and get back before she strangles you...fun times, bit of intrigue to think about beats angst and jealousy definitely anger or scared of you feelings..take hr to he fave place when you get home.....take your daughter to and bond with peace.....deb

[kbrew]

ok .....as a mum with daughters, i would say the issue might be the daughter and the ex.......i think and feel this way as someone who often doesnt like confrontation,trut me i am amulitple adn different parts handle different things due to disassociation and avoidance issues..... i would not make a guy i was with, walk two streets to get his 18 month daughter or return her......and i would understand anger at having to do so ....i would say can i stay here honey, i cant deal with this you go be quick baby, and ill have something special when you come home for you..anger avoided instantly....feelings of expectation instilled....confrontation avoided.......i think you are right i think it may just be a lot deeper and an excuse used to cover a feeling of being overwhelmed trying to see why she went with you in the first place to drop off or pick up when she avoids confrontation...thinking thinking...overwhelmed more with jealousy perhaps.....deb

 

Maybe.. Shes always wanted to come, she likes drives, likes spending time with me and she enjoys spending time with me and my daughter.. My ex is a real bitch, and getting together with my new partner I told her about her.. Maybe it intimidates her? IDK.

 

But I spent a year trying to get away from my ex, it was a living hell. My new partner knows this. So I IDK why she would be jealous.

[todreaminblue]

Maybe.. Shes always wanted to come, she likes drives, likes spending time with me and she enjoys spending time with me and my daughter.. My ex is a real bitch, and getting together with my new partner I told her about her.. Maybe it intimidates her? IDK.

 

But I spent a year trying to get away from my ex, it was a living hell. My new partner knows this. So I IDK why she would be jealous.

 

this is why

[kbrew]

this is why

 

What can I possibly do about it? :l

 

I have to keep touch with my ex so I can see my daughter. >.<

[kbrew]

I think im just going to bin it..

 

I sent her a text saying Ive thought about and understand how my snapping may have made her feel. Deleted her number from my history and phone.

 

Cant contact her now. If she doesnt reply, ill just move on.

 

Alittle pain in the next few days is better then 3 weeks of pain & uncertainty.. **** that..

[stillfiguringitallou]

This isn't a healthy relationship.

 

You got frustrated and showed a normal reaction to the frustration stemming from HER issue.

 

So she turned it around on you to make you feel guilty about her issue.

 

I'd let this one go if I were you. She has issues she needs to work on and obviously doesn't feel like dealing with them to an extent to be able to maintain a healthy relationship.

 

While it is okay to be understanding and empathetic of how she was treated by her father, it is not okay to let her control you by using that as an excuse.

 

People get hurt, people get angry - people express both of those emotions. Someone who is unable to deal with the expression of negative emotions in a healthy fashion - or unable to express them in a healthy fashion themselves (face to face conversations) is not a healthy individual.