LoveFloats Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I have been talking to this guy for a while now (OLD) and we are finally meeting tomorrow. We have had really great conversations and get along so well, have so much in common etc. He’s very successful and so im therefore a little intimidated by him. I am successful in my own way, I know I have a lot to offer, but I can’t help but wonder ‘will he actually like me in person?? Why would he want to go out with me?? Etc.’ I don’t want to come off as having no confidence when we meet, as I really want him to like me. Not sure that I even have any questions, maybe this is just a rant . However if there are any tips that would be awesome!
Gaeta Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 When I started online dating I was the same. I was SO nervous on my way to a coffee. Is he going to like me, am I pretty enough, am I interesting enough, etc. Fast forward a couple of years... Now on my way to a coffee meeting I think: I hope I will like him ! and he is not going to ****in make me waste my time lol. Dear, the world is FULL OF MEN ! If it's not him than there is a gazillion of other men out there waiting for you !! You have NO control what so ever over if he will like you or not so go there, be yourself !! let life happen ! 1
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 He already agreed to meet you. He must see something in you. Relax. Just because he's successful in one area doesn't mean you don't have anything to add to his life. As for tips, wear something that makes you feel beautiful & happy . . . sexy but not too revealing. You have to be comfortable, not fidgeting with your clothes. Don't drink too much. You want to keep your wits about you. Be prepared to pay for the whole date. Even if you think the other person will treat you, better to be prepared just in case. Ask Qs. Have a few tucked away if the conversation lulls. I like to ask personal but not too personal Qs: tell me about your 1st pet.what did you want to be when you were growing up?why did you pick your college / profession?Are you following the NBA Finals / Stanley Cup? (or some other topical sports Q) I also like to ask some Qs that speak to the immediate future: what's your favorite summer time activity?what's your favorite summer / outside restaurant around here? Any you'd like to try but haven't been to?do you have any vacation plans?where have you always wanted to travel? Those types of Qs plant a subtle seed for a next date. I'm comfortable enough in my own skin to ask the Qs people are told to stay away from: politics, religion etc. but I'm not confrontational or argumentative about it although I like a good debate. If the other person can't speak to those subjects & current events I'm going to be bored fast. Those are personal choices. Remember, this is one date . . . not a life time commitment. Try to relax. Put your best foot forward, be yourself & have fun.
HappyLove Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Don't get too emotionally invested in this guy before you've even met. Don't believe that he's SOOO successful without getting to know him first. Don't become another statistic of women who sleep with online strangers on the first date only to find out he was a liar. I do hope you have fun and he actually looks like his pictures just don't get too caught up and intimidated when you have no clue who this guy REALLY is. 3
True Gent Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 One big tip from me here is to never get too excited about someone before you've actually met them in real life. OLD is a great way of meeting people, but in my opinion you MUST meet them BEFORE you start overthinking anything. You could well be the one who is disappointed here. A couple of photos and text on a screen is not enough to get all build up for. Meet him and be yourself, if someone doesn't like you for who you are or how you are then they aren't right for you anyway. Just relax and go with the flow, the first meeting should be no expectations and as relaxed as possible. You have nothing at all to lose here, remember that. 3
Author LoveFloats Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 Thanks guys. We have had some pretty intense conversations and i feel like i've known him forever, so I have kind of hyped it up, and am very excited about it...so I'm hoping for the best!! I just need to learn to relax, and convince myself I'm good enough for him
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Downshift. You don't actually know him. If you put too much pressure on this, you have no where to go except disappointment. 4
nofeelings22 Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 An insight into guys: We don't care how successful you are, what you have to offer in that department. We would happily date the checkout girl at the grocery store. Don't be nervous about that. Just be nice, fun and sexy. 3
Author LoveFloats Posted June 12, 2014 Author Posted June 12, 2014 So he cancelled our date tonight this morning He said that although it's his day off, he needs to go into work and doesn't know when he'll be done, but suggested coffee on Sunday. Even though i was mad and upset i said that was fine, and see him Sunday. He said thanks for understanding. I'm scared he's going to cancel again on Sunday. I'm trying to just play it cool, but I want to ask him if he is actually interested in still meeting up, whether he wants to meet me. Should I just leave it and see if he follows up for Sunday and go from there?
d0nnivain Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I'm sorry he cancelled your date. You are handing this maturely. Yes, you should leave it until Sunday because the ball is in his court. If he reaches out to you, of course respond but for now, sit tight.
Author LoveFloats Posted June 12, 2014 Author Posted June 12, 2014 Thank you... I'm the worst for patience
Gaeta Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I am very sorry he cancelled. How far away does he live? Any reasons he could not reschedule Friday or Saturday?
Author LoveFloats Posted June 12, 2014 Author Posted June 12, 2014 I'm not sure why he didn't suggest tomorrow or Saturday. He has tomorrow off, and has Saturday morning off. I didn't ask, but should I suggest that or leave it?
d0nnivain Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Leave it. It's a 1st OLD meet -- therefore you don't get nor should expect prime dating time Friday or Saturday. If you ask for one of those you risk spooking him since he already set a time / place for the rescheduled date. 1
Fondue Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 He cancelled but rescheduled right away. This usually means that he's still very much interested in meeting you. Chances are, he is actually busy. Nothing to be upset about. It could have happened to you. Would you liked to have him be upset at you if you had to cancel for an emergency? As far as no Fri/Sat, I have to agree to the previous poster. You're only meeting for the first time. He shouldn't be prioritizing the main date nights for you just yet. 2
Assasda Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I have been talking to this guy for a while now (OLD) and we are finally meeting tomorrow. We have had really great conversations and get along so well, have so much in common etc. He’s very successful and so im therefore a little intimidated by him. I am successful in my own way, I know I have a lot to offer, but I can’t help but wonder ‘will he actually like me in person?? Why would he want to go out with me?? Etc.’ I don’t want to come off as having no confidence when we meet, as I really want him to like me. Not sure that I even have any questions, maybe this is just a rant . However if there are any tips that would be awesome! Ok, so you want to know how to boost your confidence. I'll tell you a quick trick to boost your confidence for that date with him. -Ok, on the day of the date, Talk to everyone. Go to the store, say hi to the greeter, make small talk with your neighbour. Say hi to a stranger. and just talk and be friend with who ever. -Like 2 hours before your date, call one of your best friends, and talk about everything, joke, and just talk normally to your good friend. It could be one of your girlfriends, your mom, your dad, whoever. Just talk to them. - After that, go on your date. Guaranteed, that your confidence level will be high --Youre Welcome 5
HappyLove Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Typical of online daters to cancel, that's why I ask you not to get so caught up. At least he set up an alternative day. If he cancels again don't waste your time with him. No, don't mention it again see if he's a man of his word. ACTIONS matter NOT words! What did he have planned for the first date?
Versacehottie Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Yes do what assada said. It will put you more in the mind frame where you KNOW that people respond positively to you. Besides that the most important thing is that rather you worry whether or not he like you, be wondering if you will like him. Change your intention. Think short term. Don't think past this first time meeting, where the basic requirements are: did I have fun with him, did he treat me well. Concentrating on qualities like successful, etc puts your mind thinking long-term and boyfriend material and there's a pressure that is put on the date. Guys (people) can usually feel it. Good luck
Author LoveFloats Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 Thanks everyone! I will try to change my mindset, as I invested way too much already even before meeting him. When we first started talking/texting, he would text me pretty much all day, asking what im up to etc..he is very open. But in the past few days, he's barely text me at all. I want to keep talking like we have, but don't want to push him away before even meeting. I suppose i will wait to see if he follows up for Sunday!
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I listen to SiriusXM "Raw Dog Comedy" channel on the way to my first dates. It always loosens me up, gets me chuckling. I even used a Redd Foxx joke once that I heard on the way to the date. Got a belly laugh out of it. I'm not saying you should do this, but do something that you enjoy and do when you're relaxing. Maybe just putting some favorite music on your iPod on the way over?
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 - After that, go on your date. Guaranteed, that your confidence level will be high This is great advice! I'm copying this list for future use...
HappyLove Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Thanks everyone! I will try to change my mindset, as I invested way too much already even before meeting him. When we first started talking/texting, he would text me pretty much all day, asking what im up to etc..he is very open. But in the past few days, he's barely text me at all. I want to keep talking like we have, but don't want to push him away before even meeting. I suppose i will wait to see if he follows up for Sunday! First of all you are NOT pushing him away! Him changing his behavior are signs of the REAL him coming out! If he never gets back to you it was not because of you! There are soooo many fake people online that you can NOT get too invested early on. All that talking and texting all day you have to be careful of because this is what a lot of online men do to make you believe they are so into you. I'd advise you to meet for coffee within a first few messages online so you don't get too emotionally attached before you've even seen the guy. I've been on plenty coffee meet ups when the guy looked NOTHING like his pic and everything in his profile was embellished big time! So if he flakes please don't blame yourself.
Author LoveFloats Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 Thanks! He is definitely showing a different side for some reason now. Before he would tell me how much he wants to cuddle etc. Now when i try to say that he kind of ignores it. Maybe he got invested too and wants to meet before going further into that?? I don't know. I really hate the dating game! Sorry to be a downer
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Your frustration is understandable. You thought you had something. You were all excited about the 1st meet. Then he cancelled & now he seems to be pulling away. I would love to tell you this is odd. Sadly it's typical. Going forward adjust your mindset . . . it's all a game until the 1st actual date, which is different & after the 1st meet. You need to guard your emotional investment in the begining.
HappyLove Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 "Maybe he got invested too and wants to meet before going further into that?? I don't know." Ummmm, NO! He most likely is dating SEVERAL people, which you should be doing also, it's quite common when OLDing. Honestly he probably had dates lined up. That's how it is, sorry.
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