Sub Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 The bottom line is you have to move on. You can either move on with them, or without them. But life does go on. My question is does this moment define you? It is like a bridge that crumbles underneath your feet. You plunge down into the depths. Do you stay mired in the waters below cursing the bridge that broke, or do you find a way to the top and continue on your path towards a better tomorrow? Definitely. I agree about moving on and not letting it define you. I guess we see where CM is in this differently. Just as he can't let it define him, I don't think we should define him by what he described as "a stupidly small passive-aggressive social risk." I see him talking of growth, how the time has been transformative, and how his life is more compelling. Not the words of someone mired in victimhood, IMO. We're all capable of having missteps in these journeys we're having. This may have been one for him. I've had them, too. What's important is that he addresses it and keeps moving in the right direction. 2
Man Mountain Makino Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Thems a lot of words trying to prove you can't be the bigger man. You won! Act like it. What did he win, bro?
tornapart2002 Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Thank you, thank you, thank you and THANK YOU.. I believe you are in an open marriage so perhaps really don't relate well to an exclusive commitment in marriage nor the devastation caused by being betrayed, however, I don't see how you can actually believe it is "fomented" here. I've known and spoken intimately with 100's of betrayed spouses over the years. None of them were here getting "stirred up" by the "victims", however, they were almost all strikingly similar in their thoughts and feelings. The depths of their despair that I have seen over being cheated on by a spouse is pretty universally incomparable to any other life-event or life tragedy no matter how long of a list you can come up with. With a nod to Godwin's Law, my wife's affair hurt ME way more than the Holocaust did and, I'm betting most of the other betrayed spouses here that are running about fomenting the forum, feel the same about their situations no matter how long ago such betrayal transpired. There is an exercise I often do with betrayed husband's where I get them to discuss with me their revenge fantasies versus the OM. I do this to put it out in the open, discuss them logically, calmly and rationally such that they don't fester in their minds and I can hold them accountable. Pretty much without fail, EVERY betrayed husband has very dark, secretive, graphic and violent feelings towards OM's. Early in my career I had one client act out and OM ended up permanently injured, betrayed husband ended up in jail, wife and kids ended up living with betrayed husband's parents and nobody ever "moved on". I think talking about these things IS important. Both here on loveshack and in counseling. The feelings are natural. It's what testosterone mixed with betrayal mixed with a sense of loss does to men. It's what the OM in your situation is and/or will need to process also when he discovers you are banging his wife. For your sake, I hope no one tells him to just get over it, grow up and be a man, because frankly, isolated obsessed betrayed men are dangerous and the cave man lizard brain thing to do is to go after OM, with prejudice. Being an OM is a risky endeavor and PERHAPS only a true narcissist believes sthat he can mess with a man's wife AND be entitled to his civility.
harrybrown Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 CM, I have been impressed with you to still be in R. I hope you both make it. You did not beat any one up so far or have a RA. It is difficult to understand the pain, the anger, the betrayal, and the loss of self-respect from your W having an affair, especially knowing it was with a "friend". It can be debilitating and takes a long time to quit thinking every day about all the effort the cheating spouse used to lie, cheat and betray you. I am glad you are getting into better shape and getting some of your self-esteem back. I am having a bit of trouble seeing any positive in the OM. He cheated with your wife. He did not have your back or loyalty that comrades have for each other. I do not see any redeeming qualities of the OM. We used to be loyal to our "friends". I am glad that you have him out of your life. The OM to my friend's wife is now in jail. He not only had the A with my friends wife, but he also fathered a child with a 15 year old young lady. I just do not know about some people. Since he is out of your life, you do not have to worry about him being around your future children. I do hope for happiness for you and your wife. Glad you are getting your self-esteem back. There are always consequences to affairs and you have not gone to jail. Many positive things about your actions in R. I hope your W realizes what a wonderful man she has in you. Again, happiness to you both. So I was sitting in a church meeting with my wife and this single man that has acted inappropriate around her was just staring at us. I was supposed to leave and so was he. My wife of almost 40 years keeps telling me that he is just a friend to her. (but not to our marriage in my mind) So I decided to sit there and wait him out. so he stayed and so did I. My wife got upset with me for not leaving so she got up and left. It thought that worked out better than before. I am trying to get her to attend a different congregation. She does not want to. So in a year when the last kiddo is on his own, she will get to choose. If she wants until I die, she will get it all. If not, she will lose half of our assets. She will lose at least 1/2 a million in the property settlement, no child support and no alimony, because I will quit working.
HereNorThere Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 When you are competing with your best friend to have sex with your wife, I don't think there's ever a way to "win". As men, we often get caught up in the sexual aspect, but really the affair and OM also won her mind. Do you think her sexual fantasies involve marital sex with her husband or is it more likely that she fantasizes about her steamy, forbidden, taboo affair sex? You may be able to monitor someone's internet, phone, etc but you certainly can't change their thoughts. There was no competition to win a relationship with CD. The scumbag OM got his side piece, moved on and now CD is left with the obsession and CM is left with the humiliation and pain. Of course CD is going to stay with CM and keep the quality of life he provides for her unless I missed the part of thread where OM tried to convince her to move into his parents basement and live happily ever after.
alwayshere Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 When you are competing with your best friend to have sex with your wife, I don't think there's ever a way to "win". As men, we often get caught up in the sexual aspect, but really the affair and OM also won her mind. Do you think her sexual fantasies involve marital sex with her husband or is it more likely that she fantasizes about her steamy, forbidden, taboo affair sex? You may be able to monitor someone's internet, phone, etc but you certainly can't change their thoughts. There was no competition to win a relationship with CD. The scumbag OM got his side piece, moved on and now CD is left with the obsession and CM is left with the humiliation and pain. Of course CD is going to stay with CM and keep the quality of life he provides for her unless I missed the part of thread where OM tried to convince her to move into his parents basement and live happily ever after. 3 posts now. Have you read all of their posts?
HereNorThere Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 (edited) From beginning to end, several times. Like most of you, I was really empathetic towards CD in the beginning. I too have done pretty crummy things in my life and genuinely have empathy for people who make mistakes. Really, it took a compare and contrast of her situation and Sophie's to see the difference. Sophie rarely mentions OM and seems to have little or no concern for him whereas it seems like OM is rarely far from CD's mind. CD posts quite a bit, but CH has not for a while. I promised myself that if he ever did post again, I would reply with a real answer as it seems like there is a lot of fluff. Have they both done a lot of work, sure. CD did the "loveshack infidelity checklist". Timeline, check, NC, check (almost, right;) counseling, check, and of those are commendable. However, my opinion is this has little to do with her character and more to do with personality types. As the affair was her obsession, the reconciliation/redemption became the next obsession and now I worry that CM will have to endure the fall out of whatever the next one may be. Obsessive personalities mixed with impulsive control issues are a dangerous combination. I fear he may always have to have his guard up no matter how well intentioned CD may be in her present state. I really, really hope he seeks IC and wish them nothing but the best. Edited June 12, 2014 by HereNorThere Typo
thummper Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 (edited) From beginning to end, several times. Like most of you, I was really empathetic towards CD in the beginning. I too have done pretty crummy things in my life and genuinely have empathy for people who make mistakes. Really, it took a compare and contrast of her situation and Sophie's to see the difference. Sophie rarely mentions OM and seems to have little or no concern for him whereas it seems like OM is rarely far from CD's mind. CD posts quite a bit, but CH has not for a while. I promised myself that if he ever did post again, I would reply with a real answer as it seems like there is a lot of fluff. Have they both done a lot of work, sure. CD did the "loveshack infidelity checklist". Timeline, check, NC, check (almost, right;) counseling, check, and of those are commendable. However, my opinion is this has little to do with her character and more to do with personality types. As the affair was her obsession, the reconciliation/redemption became the next obsession and now I worry that CM will have to endure the fall out of whatever the next one may be. Obsessive personalities mixed with impulsive control issues are a dangerous combination. I fear he may always have to have his guard up no matter how well intentioned CD may be in her present state. I really, really hope he seeks IC and wish them nothing but the best. I've had a little trouble with this fact myself. I've been in their corner since this all came to light, but to be honest, I've been more than a little concerned that CD just can't seem to stop thinking and wondering about the OM. Those two must have forged a bond of some type, and it's been really difficult for her to just let it go and stop wondering about all the unanswered questions she had when the affair blew up in her and his face (wish more than words had blown up in his damn, back-stabbing face, but oh well.) The more time this has gone on, the more I'm left wondering if this is going to end well for them. CD, dammit! Get over this creep and stop worrying about what happens to him!!!! Edited June 18, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Realist3 Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Now you're just trying to be offensive. So if OM sneaks up on you in a dark parking lot and beats you down, puts you in the hospital and leaves you with permanent injuries can we just tell you to get over it…you lost a boxing match? Truth is, if he stays with her and forgives his wife…SHE WINS. For the Christian (as well as many other Religious, Natural Law or Moral Law persons) Adultery is arguably the only ethical/moral out from marriage. The original poster can divorce his wife and seek happiness elsewhere. In contrast, the adulterer has no biblical/moral out, thereby their ONLY path to happiness is by "winning" back the affections of their betrayed spouse. Therefore, if anyone needs to step up their "game" the most it's the adulterer. The betrayed spouse is the prize. Oh, for the love of God!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you really prescribe to what your religion tells you(written by men, not God) about adultery? Do you? I doubt you do. In fact I would guarantee you, you don't prescribe to most of what THE LAW tells you you should do. Christians above all are notorious 'cherry pickers'. You want to put to death an adulterer? Is that the 'word' you live by? I spent two years in seminary. I know it like the back of my hand. Don't come in here Bible thumping to me. I can argue Biblical beliefs and morality all day long. I could challenge your understanding of the definition of adultery, because I bet you don't know. You are obviously a literalist, but I would invite you to take a broader understanding. I would love to talk to you about that, but is obviously not the place. You have your 'BELIEFS'. That is all well and good, but that is all they are... beliefs. I don't think these two are overly religious. Meaning I don't think they really give a crap about what the Bible says. 4
Trimmer Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Thems a lot of words trying to prove you can't be the bigger man. You won! Act like it. If you think any BS ever, at any stage of the process, feels like they've "won", it's clear that you don't get it. And just to be crystal clear: separate from how the BS feels about it, if you think that, objectively, a WS coming back to a BS and wanting to reconcile is a "win" for the BS, you don't get it. I agree with the general idea that it isn't helpful to wallow forever in victimhood, but you, from your outside, open-marriage perspective, don't get to be the judge and jury on that. As a matter of fact, you seem more anxious and knotted-up about it than the OP does in this thread. He seems to have had his dark moment, fully recognized how it reflects his own shortcomings (he called it a stupid, passive-aggressive social risk, if I recall), worked through it with apparently decent self-awareness, and came out the other side reaffirming some life philosophy recognizing the trauma bringing potential for growth. Not exactly your prototype pathetic victim, wallowing in self-pity. You, on the other hand, just seem to be wringing your hands and complaining about how other people's processes bother you. 6
Realist3 Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 (edited) Chew on this for a minute, Clemson. 18 For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. 19 Therefore whoever relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20 For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Heaven and earth passing away. Heaven. Basically he is saying ain't no one getting to Heaven, forgiveness of sins or not. Ooops! Edited June 12, 2014 by Realist3
Spark1111 Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 You know.....while processing my fWS's secret affair with a co-worker that lasted almost 2 years....1000s of texts and calls, 100s of hotel rooms, etc., etc., I NEVER ONCE thought of the starving children in Africa. I am riddled with guilt now. CM...getting stronger both physically and mentally is wonderful. Good luck to you! A double betrayal MUST be the worst. Better to be a little angry BUT stronger than dissolving in a puddle of self-doubt and insecurity. Hats off to you. 6
road Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 To those that say you forgave the WW so BH you should forgive the OM. Problem with that logic is that the need to forgive the WW and recover the marriage is a need because that is the goal of the BH. There is no need to forgive the OM to be able for the BH to forgive his WW. The BH can hate the OM for the rest of his life and hope that he can piss on the OM's grave. However the BH is better served leaving the OM in the past and go NC with the OM. NC means indirect contact as well. Attacking the OM on FB or any other indirect contact is still contact. All this does is keep the affair alive in his WW's mind and the BH's as well. That is not how recovery works or healing from the affair. Things will cause a BH to trigger. Best thing is to quickly hope the karma bus does it's job and put the OM out of his mind. 1
HereNorThere Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 (edited) I've had a little trouble with this fact myself. I've been in their corner since this all came to light, but to be honest, I've been more than a little concerned that CD just can't seem to stop thinking and wondering about the OM. Those two must have forged a bond of some type, and it's been really difficult for her to just let it go and stop wondering about all the unanswered questions she had when the affair blew up in her and his face (wish more than words had blown up in his damn, back-stabbing face, but oh well.) The more time this has gone on, the more I'm left wondering if this is going to end well for them. CD, dammit! Get over this creep and stop worrying about what happens to him!!!! THANK YOU! I'm sure there are people on here that disagree, but the truth is that it is much, much worse than anyone here is willing to admit. The "what does NC mean to you" thread was what did me in. I can barely read that one without getting sick to my stomach. You can tell the longing for OM consumes her. It's almost like the whole thread is looking for some sort of NC loophole or something. Is peeking through OMs blinds breaking NC? What about smelling his cologne? I am allowed to draw pictures of OM? Can I drink OMs favorite soda? I made a playlist of all of OMs favorite bands, is that breaking NC? Lol, her phone even autocorrects on with OM. Nope, not thinking about him at all. Edited June 18, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
alwayshere Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 From beginning to end, several times. Like most of you, I was really empathetic towards CD in the beginning. I too have done pretty crummy things in my life and genuinely have empathy for people who make mistakes. Really, it took a compare and contrast of her situation and Sophie's to see the difference. Sophie rarely mentions OM and seems to have little or no concern for him whereas it seems like OM is rarely far from CD's mind. CD posts quite a bit, but CH has not for a while. I promised myself that if he ever did post again, I would reply with a real answer as it seems like there is a lot of fluff. Have they both done a lot of work, sure. CD did the "loveshack infidelity checklist". Timeline, check, NC, check (almost, right;) counseling, check, and of those are commendable. However, my opinion is this has little to do with her character and more to do with personality types. As the affair was her obsession, the reconciliation/redemption became the next obsession and now I worry that CM will have to endure the fall out of whatever the next one may be. Obsessive personalities mixed with impulsive control issues are a dangerous combination. I fear he may always have to have his guard up no matter how well intentioned CD may be in her present state. I really, really hope he seeks IC and wish them nothing but the best. Wow, a licensed psychologist AND a psychic. I'm impressed.
alwayshere Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Chew on this for a minute, Clemson. Heaven and earth passing away. Heaven. Basically he is saying ain't no one getting to Heaven, forgiveness of sins or not. Ooops! No He is not. He is saying that The Law cannot save you. Only faith in HIM and grace can save you. 1
HereNorThere Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 (edited) Wow, a licensed psychologist AND a psychic. I'm impressed. Aww thanks! I'm not a psychologist or psychic, but I do make predictions in my line of work. You see, I'm a scientist. We collect data from past and current observations to make predictions about future events in our Universe. I'm assuming you've seen our work before since you are obviously using some form of technology to post. Welcome to the Internets, btw. Don't forget to check out our vast collection of cat pictures before ya leave. Edited June 13, 2014 by HereNorThere 3
drifter777 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 ... You seem stuck in a victim mentality and seem perfectly content to punish CD or the OM at your leisure. I suppose you have that right, especially if CD will choose to tolerate it, but how does this fit in with the goal of reconciling? Does it matter what she thinks or how she feels? Or does she just have to "deal with it" if she wants to reconcile? How long will it be ok for you to be the source of her public humiliation while expecting her to remain your wife? I don't mean to sound judgmental (I may be failing at that). They just seem pertinent questions. Your FB vent/joke may have been stress relieving for you but what about your wife and marriage? BH - you are touching on an important aspect of dealing with a cheating wife. You are right to say that CM is punishing CD because that is clearly what he is doing. What the ef' else can he do? He has to choose between divorce or trying to reconcile and, for whatever reason, he has mentally taken divorce out of the equation. He's facing reconciling with CM because he's convinced himself that this is the only way he can regain the life he had - the life he wants to have back. He's trapped, and now he's lashing out at his tormentor. This is all CM's fault; she cheated and destroyed his world. I think he - like most BH's - wants his wife back. He wants to forgive and move forward and all that other sh*t. But his heart, his self-respect, his sense of right and wrong have all been destroyed by her affair. The longer he denies the reality of this situation the sicker he is going to get. BH - remember how you reacted? How desperately you wanted to get your world back? You were willing to believe anything as long as it held the promise of getting your life back. Back to where it was comfortable and secure and just felt right. And then real life intruded on fantasy. Most of us BH's end up stuck in the middle between walking away from our WW's and trying to get our old lives back. We want the world to return to the way it was before she betrayed us. We want that so badly that we are willing to pretend that we forgive and pray to God that time will eventually heal us. But just under the surface the pain rages. The urge to get even with her simmers. For lots and lots of BH's there is no such thing as reconciliation - just settling for a cheater because it's safer than trying to start over. No kids, still young. I can't imagine why CM continues the reconciliation dance when he knows it simply isn't working.
Trimmer Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 BH - you are touching on an important aspect of dealing with a cheating wife. You are right to say that CM is punishing CD because that is clearly what he is doing. What the ef' else can he do? He has to choose between divorce or trying to reconcile and, for whatever reason, he has mentally taken divorce out of the equation. He's facing reconciling with CM because he's convinced himself that this is the only way he can regain the life he had - the life he wants to have back. He's trapped, and now he's lashing out at his tormentor. This is all CM's fault; she cheated and destroyed his world. I think he - like most BH's - wants his wife back. He wants to forgive and move forward and all that other sh*t. But his heart, his self-respect, his sense of right and wrong have all been destroyed by her affair. The longer he denies the reality of this situation the sicker he is going to get. BH - remember how you reacted? How desperately you wanted to get your world back? You were willing to believe anything as long as it held the promise of getting your life back. Back to where it was comfortable and secure and just felt right. And then real life intruded on fantasy. Most of us BH's end up stuck in the middle between walking away from our WW's and trying to get our old lives back. We want the world to return to the way it was before she betrayed us. We want that so badly that we are willing to pretend that we forgive and pray to God that time will eventually heal us. But just under the surface the pain rages. The urge to get even with her simmers. For lots and lots of BH's there is no such thing as reconciliation - just settling for a cheater because it's safer than trying to start over. My god, this is so dead nuts right on. Brought me right back to those days. In some ways, it's good that the choice was ultimately out of my hands - wonder how long I would have hung on in agony... No kids, still young. I can't imagine why CM continues the reconciliation dance when he knows it simply isn't working. Actually, you explained the "why" quite effectively in your first three paragraphs.
Snowflower Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 You seem very fixated on Douche. Douche owed you much less than Cheating Wife, she who took the wedding vows. If you have more resentment toward Douche than you do toward Cheating Wife, I think something is wrong with that way of thinking Ideally, you'll let go of your resentment toward Cheating Wife. If you have done that, great...I just don't see why you're still wasting emotions on Douche I'm surprised at the general tone of this thread. What people seem to forget here is that the OM in CD's situation was his close friend! We can go around and around about how a betrayed spouse and CD in particular should try to move forward from all this and I agree with Realist3 that many BS can get stuck in that victim mentality. However, let's not forget that the OM that CD has to deal with was not some random guy...it was someone CD knew and probably trusted. So not only does CD have to deal with the massive betrayal of his wife but he also has his faith in humanity further diminished by the actions of his friend. 5
alwayshere Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Aww thanks! I'm not a psychologist or psychic, but I do make predictions in my line of work. You see, I'm a scientist. We collect data from past and current observations to make predictions about future events in our Universe. I'm assuming you've seen our work before since you are obviously using some form of technology to post. Welcome to the Internets, btw. Don't forget to check out our vast collection of cat pictures before ya leave. I haz cheeseburgerz I actually think that CM's post on FB is completely understandable, as is his anger. And having an A is NEVER okay. It was just the whole sweeping in and declaring CD hopeless that bothered me.
BetrayedH Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 BH - you are touching on an important aspect of dealing with a cheating wife. You are right to say that CM is punishing CD because that is clearly what he is doing. What the ef' else can he do? He has to choose between divorce or trying to reconcile and, for whatever reason, he has mentally taken divorce out of the equation. He's facing reconciling with CM because he's convinced himself that this is the only way he can regain the life he had - the life he wants to have back. He's trapped, and now he's lashing out at his tormentor. This is all CM's fault; she cheated and destroyed his world. I think he - like most BH's - wants his wife back. He wants to forgive and move forward and all that other sh*t. But his heart, his self-respect, his sense of right and wrong have all been destroyed by her affair. The longer he denies the reality of this situation the sicker he is going to get. BH - remember how you reacted? How desperately you wanted to get your world back? You were willing to believe anything as long as it held the promise of getting your life back. Back to where it was comfortable and secure and just felt right. And then real life intruded on fantasy. Most of us BH's end up stuck in the middle between walking away from our WW's and trying to get our old lives back. We want the world to return to the way it was before she betrayed us. We want that so badly that we are willing to pretend that we forgive and pray to God that time will eventually heal us. But just under the surface the pain rages. The urge to get even with her simmers. For lots and lots of BH's there is no such thing as reconciliation - just settling for a cheater because it's safer than trying to start over. No kids, still young. I can't imagine why CM continues the reconciliation dance when he knows it simply isn't working. Yes, I do remember all of those thoughts and feelings. As others have said, you summed it up well. And to be fair, I certainly handled it all much worse than CM if you look at my own actions. And the OM wasn't a friend of mind; I'd never met the guy. I'm not trying to judge CM and I probably did fail to express that well enough. I still think the questions I asked are pertinent and ones I struggled with mightily. As I've said many times, it takes a truly remorseful wayward and a truly forgiving betrayed in order to reconcile. I get the impression that CD is truly remorseful. Others may disagree. But if it's true, it then puts the onus on the betrayed to forgive (please forgive the term as I know it's one you wrestle with). It seems to me that the fact of the matter is that if we want to reconcile, we do need to 'get over it' even if our WS can never use such words. Again to be fair to CM, perhaps it's just too early. He hasn't yet had the luxury of 2-5 years. I suppose he's approaching a year and a half. To me, that seems a good time to ask when the free pass on lashing out expires. When does that stop? How long does a BS get to say that what they do pales in comparison to what the WS did? CM is curious why people are ao interested in their R. For me, I suppose it's that I like a success story. That's what I'd like to see here. As for your question about why CM would want to reconcile, I think Trimmer was right that you summed it up well.
atreides Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I for one think too much over analyzing is going on. Bringing into question why there is R and such. CM posted a lot about that a while ago. This was between two long standing best friends, that is just as harsh a betrayal as CM's wife. 2 of the strongest pillars of trust in CM's world collapsed simultaneously. I do not read much more than CM jabbing back at douche, so what... let him vent. Take the A out of the equation and this kind of stuff goes on FB regardless and for many different types of context. I think CM has good days and bad days, I don't think CM is punishing CD to the extent of some of what i read, he is getting at douche, his X POS of a best friend.
BetrayedH Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I for one think too much over analyzing is going on. Bringing into question why there is R and such. CM posted a lot about that a while ago. This was between two long standing best friends, that is just as harsh a betrayal as CM's wife. 2 of the strongest pillars of trust in CM's world collapsed simultaneously. I do not read much more than CM jabbing back at douche, so what... let him vent. Take the A out of the equation and this kind of stuff goes on FB regardless and for many different types of context. I think CM has good days and bad days, I don't think CM is punishing CD to the extent of some of what i read, he is getting at douche, his X POS of a best friend. And you may well be right. That's why I initially leaned towards CD just letting it go. But while CD may not have been directly "punished" via the FB post, it does seem that she got to be some of the collateral damage from it. Part of me says that this is a consequence of having had the affair but it just seems to me that perhaps it's time to start thinking about how long that should go on. I don't think it should be indefinite. Is it "too early" to expect this kind of thing to stop happening? I don't really know. But I hope it's a question that CM is asking himself.
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