Melissah Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Hi all! I just need some advice. My boyfriend and I have known each other for 6 months, but been dating for 2 weeks. He text me all day everyday like as soon as he wakes up I get a text from him and it goes on and on until 4am (even when I stop replying, he continues to text me). He sends me long love poems, writes me songs, post like 10 post a day on my Facebook. It's nice, but I'm feeling claustrophobic and pressured. I'm taking summer courses, I work part-time, and I have a billion extra curricular activities(I'm exaggerating, but it feels like I do). I'm trying to maintain my GPA to graduate with high honors to get into a decent school. I just have so much on my plate, and my boyfriend is just adding on to it. He even makes plans for us to see each other every week, which might seem fine for most couples, but for me its too much. Like tomorrow, we are suppose to go to the museum, but I'm taking summer courses and have to hand in a paper and if I don't get an A my GPA is screwed. I tried telling him this, but he keeps pushing me to finish the paper tonight, and I don't want to rush this could hurt my grade. He's always rushing me to do things with him, and whenever I'm like stop he's upset and makes me feel like I'm the bad person. I just don't know how I can stand my ground without being a totally witch. I really just want to tell him to shut up and leave me alone, but that's not going to make him listen. Advice?
Frank2thepoint Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Communicate to him first that you appreciate his expression of his emotions, but it is a little too much for you and it is interfering with your school work. Reassure him that you will still continue to see him, but he needs to give you time to focus on your studies. If he begins to pout, tell him he is being unfair, because you are balancing school and the relationship, and ask him to empathize with you, to see it from your point of view. The whole point of this is to project your calm and logic, while expressing your emotions. Now if he still continues to pester you, you have to put your foot down and be adamant, but civil. At this point you mention that you've asked him nicely, now you are really annoyed, so you don't want to talk to him for a while. Obviously at this point he will panic, begin pleading with you, probably will flood you with messages. Mute him on Facebook (if that even exists because I don't have Facebook). Don't respond to his text messages or phone calls. Focus on your school work. When you have a calm moment from school, then reach out to him. Revisit the boundaries with him. Hopefully at this point, he will be more willing to listen. Of course if this still continues, then you will have break up with him and cut him off completely. He isn't being supportive at all. 1
Gaeta Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Two problems here: 1. You are incompatible 2. You are too busy to date If you cannot see your boyfriend at least once a week then you are too busy to have a decent relationship. If your boyfriend saw you more maybe he wouldn't need to be connected to you via text. You've just been dating 2 weeks and he is already aggravating you. You 2 aren't meant to be together. 2
Assasda Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 You are completely justified in your view. Tell him to give you some space
J21 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I don't think you guys are compatible in terms of dating. Seems like he wants to be joined at the hips while you want your own time to do your stuff. Also get the feeling you aren't quite as into him as he is into you. I'd just let him know you're busy, if he can't understand it then maybe you should have a heart to heart chat about compatibility; or the lack of. Honestly, if meeting him once a week is too much for you, then you are too busy to date or just not that into him--in which case you might as well break it off instead of dragging him along. 1
amaysngrace Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Ugh...being smothered is the worst feeling :/ Tell him to chill out because if he makes you fail or do poorly you won't ever get past that. Which you probably won't! He sounds like he has nothing going on besides you. Does he?
KatZee Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I'd have to agree and say you two are not compatible in regards to a romantic relationship. One of my ex's was just like this. He had to be glued to me 24/7. I am more independent, I had my own life, friends, school work, actual work, family, etc. Meanwhile he was a bit of a loner, didn't have many good friends, and he basically relied on me for all forms of entertainment and didn't cultivate his own life. Eventually it got to be so bad that I had to just flat out tell him. There was no being nice about it, no subtle hints, no beating around the bush. I flat out was like, "I really need space. I cannot breath, you are smothering me, I need a break from you." The thing with clingy people though, is they get WORSE. My ex didn't back up, he actually became MORE clingy and I didn't even think that was possible. He admitted that he thought he was losing me and that he thought he could get me to love him if he came at me even MORE and fought even HARDER. In fact, all it caused was resentment and a knee jerk reaction of me dumping him. You are two entirely different people here, he has expectations of a relationship being one way, you have a complete different set of expectations. Unless you two can come to some middle ground, you're going to wind up resenting him and eventually this relationship will implode. Be honest now. 1
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