yucky_life Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 He has foot fungus, long, sharp, pointy, crumbly, yellow, and they stink. I feel sick when I accidentally get scratched by it. He knows it will go away with a simple prescription, and that it bothers me, but he doesn't care. He goes to the doctor, and doesn't even bring it up. He chews with his mouth open, talks with his mouth full, and never wipes the food off his lips when he's done. If someone points out that he has food on his lips, he gets mad. His mom, sister, ex wife, and I have all pointed it out, and he doesn't change it. Wears dirty clothes and wears pajamas to work (works at home, but with other people). Leaves dirty clothes all around the house, and then gets mad at me if I put them in the hamper because he says he was going to wear them again. Leaves every wrapper or piece of paper that he opens all around the house. The amount of time I spend picking up objects (after I work 9-5 daily) is making it so that I can't get other things done, and have no leisure time or time with my kids. Leaves crumbs from everything he fixes himself to eat, and often eats all the good food while I'm at work. Puts open aluminum cans in the fridge, even though they spill all the time, and will not use the Tupperware that is available. I showed him where it is, but no change. The spills are left for me to clean. Sucks the toothpaste from the tube, so that no one else wants to use the toothpaste. Will use other people's toothbrushes. My son keeps his toothbrush and toothpaste in his room, and will not sit in the common areas because they are gross, even though I clean almost the whole time I'm home every day. Drinks out of the carton, which makes me not want to drink anything at home. Won't take out any trash, and lets 6-8 bags build up at a time, stinking the whole place up, even though he is at home while I'm working. Won't ask my son to do it, or ask him to watch the baby so he can do it. Just leaves it for me. Won't wipe surfaces, won't clean a sink or toilet, though he cleans the bathrooms in his business, of course. Leaves dirty diapers all around the house, even on countertops and tables where we eat. Also will put the broom and dustpan on top of the table where we eat (on rare occasions when he sweeps). Doesn't clean up the food the baby drops and spills. Often lets her pee on the carpet without her diaper on. I now have to find time on a weekend to clean the carpet, and it smells. Won't look for anything on his own, asks me where everything is, and then tears things up if he can't find it, but leaves everything he got out while looking, for me to clean up. Keeps throwing cigarette butts away in the toilet, even though we've had major plumbing problems because of that which have caused leaks (and probably hidden mold) all over the building. Keeps smoking in the house even though it bothers me and we have a toddler, because he doesn't want anyone outside to see him smoking (just another example of how he doesn't care how we live, as long as the outside world doesn't see it). Expects me to do all the grocery shopping, laundry at the laundry mat, and all other errands alone, while he stays home with our daughter, even though I don't get to see her all week, and he's with her all day. I want to put aside some money for a washer, and to install some cabinets because we don't have any, but all money goes into his failing business. Not being able to put things away in cabinets and drawers makes keeping clean very hard, and having a washer would mean I don't have to spend a day at the laundry mat every weekend, while other families are enjoying the summer. Leaves all the cleaning for me on the weekend, so that I end up spending my two days off cleaning all day, while he naps, watches movies, and hangs out with our daughter. I can't not do it, because she is a toddler, and needs to be in a clean house. We don't have a tv because he broke the last one, but won't walk down one block to a pawn shop that his cousin owns to get another one. He watches Netflix on his laptop for several hours per day, with earphones, so I can't have a conversation with him. He even sleeps with the headphones on and the laptop open in his face. Sex life is reduced to just him jerking off while thinking of me with other guys. We didn't have living room furniture for months because his mom offered us her old set, and then changed her mind after I got rid of my junky ones. Had to fight him for months to get him to help me get some used furniture from a charity. I had constant back pain from having nowhere to sit and rest, but it was no concern to him. I have a piano that I have no time to use because I'm always cleaning, but I try to keep it looking nice and respected by decorating it with cards and photos, and keeping it clean. He keeps piling junk on top of it. Yesterday, I found junk on it, and chucked it over the balcony, and he threatened to call the police on me. Constantly runs off to do whatever his elderly father wants from him, but will go immediately, without regard to any plans we have, and making sure he's not available to help me with anything. Won't ask his dad to wait, or schedule their times for errands, and he goes almost every other day. His sister is in town, but he won't ask her to help and do some of it. He's always checking phone and obsessing over his dad's needs. My needs wait forever, though. He has a business upstairs in the same building as our apartment, and he keeps that clean. He has a handy man best friend who fixes everything in the business, and is there twice per week for several hours. Even though the apartment has broken doors and rotted ceiling tiles, he doesn't ask this friend to help. When the shower was clogged for weeks, he wouldn't ask his sister's boyfriend to help, even though he's a plumber. His family is not supportive, doesn't help with anything, even though they ask him to do things all the time, and he runs. I don't go around them anymore, because he has humiliated me too many times, by telling all the details of our fights from his perspective only, and making me look like a psycho (after I've finally had it and blown up from dealing with all this). My own family is in another state. My son who lives with us is now moving (and I'm glad because my ex husband probably has a clean house he can be proud of and have friends over). This is very sad for me, I feel like it's partly my bf's fault, and I've had my son all his life until now. We are both artists, but only he has a studio, and only he works in his passion, while I work outside the house, and have no studio, and because of this cleaning, don't ever get to practice or work on my art (that I went to 6 years of school for). I also took on a lot of legal issues that he brought to the relationship. He doesn't reward me or "fill my bank" or do anything to show appreciation. I said after all this sacrifice, all I want is two things- for him to stop running to his dad constantly, and to pick up objects after himself (because I can't even get to the deep cleaning due to all the objects he leaves around. His reply was that he just wants me out of his life. When I ask nicely for things to change, he blows me off. When I get angry and yell, he threatens to call the police on me, and says really abusive things, and saying that he's ready to fight me all the way, and destroy my life. His priorities are the only important ones, mine are just blown off and forgotten, and I get treated like the biggest bitch if I insist. When I get upset, he says our daughter shouldn't have to hear me yell. He uses her to shut me up, and it seems like he cares only for her, not me or my son. When I point that out, he acts like I'm a horrible person, and jealous of my daughter. Like the situation should not be changed, and I should just shut up. Almost every sentence that comes out of his mouth around me starts with "I've got to....". If I talk to him about anything, he responds by saying what he has to do. He will ask me to make him something to eat, and then keep repeating, "I've got to get something to eat", while I'm cooking! If I say I don't feel good for any reason, he will repeat that he doesn't feel good for the same reason. If I tell him I'm tired, he says he's tired, and starts talking about all he has to do for his business. I've decided to move out and leave him. I just have to figure out whether I'll be taking our daughter to my family's state, or staying here in this lonely place to co-parent with him, where I'll have a one bedroom apartment which is at least clean. 1
Zahara Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Was he this way when you were dating? I would have to think he exhibited these behaviors? And you had a child with him? 4
Elle1975 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Sorry if I missed it, but do you work? Any income coming in to help you move out?
April Moon Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 How long were you dating before you two moved in with each other?
Author yucky_life Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 No, when we were dating, he had his own apartment, and he kept it reasonable. He didn't give me any indication that he didn't care about my feelings and how I wanted to live, or that he was okay living without normal accommodations. His feet, I figured he just didn't know it was easy to cure, and I didn't want to embarrass him. Now that I've told him how easy it is, it's clear he doesn't care. And his ex wife said all she did was clean when she was with him.
Author yucky_life Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 we dated without living together for a little less than a year. I do have a job, a low paying full time job. I would be eligible for some public assistance without him. People on public assistance live better than we do. I have never seen any family go without furniture, etc. no matter how poor.
MidwestUSA Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 I really don't have much to say, other than I can vouch for the fungus treatment. What is it? Three months of the drug? Well worth it, and the risk of damage to your liver is slim. My husband has new toes; it's awesome! 1
KaliLove Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Oh my goodness, what a pig! Get outta there ASAP! It sounds like a really unhealthy environment for you and for your kids. I would also work out a custody agreement that says that they're not allowed in his house. It seriously sounds like a major health code violation. I was about to go eat an early lunch but I think I'll wait a while before I do after reading that... 5
Smilecharmer Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 This honestly sounds like psychological abuse. Glad you are getting your kid out of there. This sounds so bad. It made me want to go take a shower and loofah my feet while reading it. I hate a nasty house. 3
Haydn Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Alpha male? Sounds truly horrible. Sorry you should leave. 1
Author yucky_life Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 That's a great idea, it makes total sense, they shouldn't be in his house. But I truly think that once I'm out of the picture, his family will feel bad for him and swoop in and help him with all he needs to have a great place for the baby. All the sudden he'll have new everything, and everything will be fixed. It isn't being done because I'm here.
Author yucky_life Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 yes, he is alpha male, and flips out whenever he is corrected or asked to do something differently. all he is worried about is what people think, not how we live, so as long as his business looks good, he's happy. If I open my mouth, he does act like he's afraid his balls are being cut off, and he has to fight me for his own honor. He goes on and on about all he does and how hard he works the second I ask for help. He'll come in the bathroom and lecture me on how much he does while I'm on the toilet. It's insane.
Author yucky_life Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 This honestly sounds like psychological abuse. Glad you are getting your kid out of there. This sounds so bad. It made me want to go take a shower and loofah my feet while reading it. I hate a nasty house. It is psychological abuse. It's especially bad because I hate a nasty house, too. But he acts like that's what we deserve. I feel like a 3rd class citizen. I never ever rest anymore and am so tired, from cleaning, and it is never enough.
KaliLove Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 This honestly sounds like psychological abuse. Glad you are getting your kid out of there. This sounds so bad. It made me want to go take a shower and loofah my feet while reading it. I hate a nasty house. Actually, technically it is physical abuse as well as psychological abuse. Not providing a healthy environment for children is physically abusive. I know it's not funny but this post made me giggle.. Yucky (I feel bad calling you that because you're not the yucky one!), if his family does swoop in and clean the house for him, fantastic. That just means your kids won't be subjected to his filth if they go visit him there. But you still need to get out. You know that already though..and you don't sound all that upset about it. Have you considered calling the health department on him as well? If you live in a building with other people (I thought you said you did but not sure), then he's also endangering them as well. He could be attracting deadly mold and bugs or rats. It truly does sound like this place is a health code violation. I would seriously recommend only allowing him supervised visits once you move out. Take TONS of pictures of the house and document EVERY disgusting thing he does to show to your lawyer. Document the psychological abuse as well..to you and to the kids. PS..you should be glad your sex life has dwindled to nothing. If he's growing that nasty mold on his feet..imagine what his junk is growing... 2
gaius Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 With a list that long it seems like he's mad at you for something. Are you the main breadwinner?
Author yucky_life Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 With a list that long it seems like he's mad at you for something. Are you the main breadwinner? Yes. For the last 3 years, he was. I felt guilty, so I didn't bother him that much about housework. Now I am working 9-5 and he's staying home. I expect help now, and he hates me.
GorillaTheater Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 yes, he is alpha male, and flips out whenever he is corrected or asked to do something differently. all he is worried about is what people think Hate to pile on the stinky guy, but that ain't alpha. 5
Author yucky_life Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 Actually, technically it is physical abuse as well as psychological abuse. Not providing a healthy environment for children is physically abusive. I know it's not funny but this post made me giggle.. Yucky (I feel bad calling you that because you're not the yucky one!), if his family does swoop in and clean the house for him, fantastic. That just means your kids won't be subjected to his filth if they go visit him there. But you still need to get out. You know that already though..and you don't sound all that upset about it. Have you considered calling the health department on him as well? If you live in a building with other people (I thought you said you did but not sure), then he's also endangering them as well. He could be attracting deadly mold and bugs or rats. It truly does sound like this place is a health code violation. I would seriously recommend only allowing him supervised visits once you move out. Take TONS of pictures of the house and document EVERY disgusting thing he does to show to your lawyer. Document the psychological abuse as well..to you and to the kids. PS..you should be glad your sex life has dwindled to nothing. If he's growing that nasty mold on his feet..imagine what his junk is growing... cracking up at the last sentence- he thinks he's father of the year, he is totally obsessed with our daughter. if she were old enough to complain about the ceiling, it would be fixed. I keep things clean as possible, but there are about 7 rotted ceiling tiles, and it looks bad. It probably is a violation. No one else lives in the building. If I call anyone, he will start lying about me and trying to get me in trouble. Yesterday, I threw the junk he put on my piano over the balcony because I'm so sick of it. He said he'd call the police. I asked him what he'd tell them? He said he'd tell them about how he has seen me escalate in the past, and that he's afraid for his safety. They would call CPS about the ceiling, probably. I will take pictures, so if he takes me to court, I can show why I left with our child. My other child will already be gone. Thank you for the idea. 1
Author yucky_life Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 Actually, technically it is physical abuse as well as psychological abuse. Not providing a healthy environment for children is physically abusive. Have you considered calling the health department on him as well? If you live in a building with other people (I thought you said you did but not sure), then he's also endangering them as well. He could be attracting deadly mold and bugs or rats. It truly does sound like this place is a health code violation. I would seriously recommend only allowing him supervised visits once you move out. Take TONS of pictures of the house and document EVERY disgusting thing he does to show to your lawyer. Document the psychological abuse as well..to you and to the kids. PS..you should be glad your sex life has dwindled to nothing. If he's growing that nasty mold on his feet..imagine what his junk is growing... Deadly mold, could be, and probably is in the building due to the problems with plumbing caused by his flushing cigarettes. many leaks causing ceiling damage happened, and were not addressed, in our apartment, and in the unoccupied downstairs area. No one else lives in the building. It's his business, which is always immaculate, our place, and an empty part. One of the big reasons I'm leaving is the lack of value placed on the family- when the business is clean, but the house is a disaster, it shows. great idea to take pics. I will take pics, email them to my mom, so they can't be deleted. 1
KaliLove Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 That's why you need as much proof as possible. Is your son old enough to testify against him if necessary? You really need to contact a lawyer ASAP so they can do an inspection before you take the kids away. Try to do it while he's out of the house..and the pictures too. That way he doesn't have time to clean before it happens. But it needs to happen ASAP because the longer you and your kids stay in that house, the more danger you're all in health-wise.
Keenly Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Or you could just move out or kick him out. Problem solved.
KaliLove Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Or you could just move out or kick him out. Problem solved. That's what she's doing, but since they have children together, she needs to think about a custody agreement and the safety of her kids when they visit their father at his disgusting house (or hopefully, they won't have to go there at all). 1
ktya Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I lived with a nearly female version of this guy. No foot fungus but clutter, junk, crap left all over the place. Right down to threatening to call the police when i was going to throw out the junk in the garage that she wouldnt sort after 3 years. Id talk calmly about how it was silly to have 13 empty packs of cigarettes on the table and i would get enraged at coming home from work to have to run the dishwasher twice back to back to get caught up on the dishes. Walk away. People like this are adept at finding any reason to blame others for their filth. Its been 7 months since she left and im still cleaning up the junk she oeft behind. 1
amaysngrace Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 It sounds so filthy to be living like that. He's not an alpha man...he is a cave man :/
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