columbia1 Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 I am dating someone I work with. That was something I was dead set against doing, but at this point in my life, I gave it a try. This guy is great to me, however, I want to keep our relationship quiet at work. We see each other at work, and usually one day over the weekend - usually at one another's places, very recently we have started going out to restaurants in our towns. This guy is very close to his parents, and sees them daily. They have wanted to meet me, and I have shown reluctance. We are getting to know each other, and I feel that is when the relationship is solid enough ... And I'm not unsure, but i want to move very slowly and he is constantly talking about moving in and things that are off in the future. It is stresssful, and now his parents are upset that at his age (which is late 30's), he has yet to introduce the girl he is dating to his parents (which has been off and on, once a week for 4 months). Since they are making a big deal of it, it doesn't make me excited to meet them, because it sounds like they treat him like a child b/c he lives in the same town as them and his life up to this point has included a lot of time with them. They see our relationship as serious because I spend the night, but I see that as a normal progression in an adult relationship. And don't think it necessarily means we are serious. They obviously don't respect my thought that meeting family is a serious thing, and so now there is all this drama surrounding something that really doesn't need a big to-do made about it. I don't know what to do now, because they probably don't think any higher or me than I do of them right now. What is the right thing to do?
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Do you like this guy? Do you want to be in a relationship with him or not? Can you see or would like a future with him that goes beyond a few months? I think you're WAY over thinking things. He's clearly smitten with you which is why he's talking about having a future with you. You should feel lucky to have found a guy that is comfortable enough to let you know it let alone want it. If you ever doubt it, go and read some of posts in the other threads on here started by men and women who'd cut out their own kidney to have what you have. As for his parents, they might be coming off a bit strong but if he's as close with them as you say, it's not unusual for parents to be more involved in their kids lives. It doesn't have to be a negative thing for heaven's sake. Is that a crime? What nationality is he? There are several ethnicities that have very strong bonds with their families. It's a cultural thing and it's something you'll just have to get used to if you want to continue dating this guy. Regardless, what is the worst thing that can happen if you meet his parents now versus 6 months or 2 years later? So you meet them and you break up a few weeks or months or years later. So what? He's not asking you to marry him, he's asking you to meet his parents who he's very close to. Is this really such a terrible thing? I think you're just being stubborn now. What exactly are you afraid of? Because I'm getting the vibe that you either don't have a close relationship with YOUR parents and this kind of closeness he has with his feels threatening to you OR you're just not that into him the way he's into you and don't see a future with him. In either case, I think you should re-examine your intentions and what it is you want with this guy FIRST. If you really want to be with him, his family is part of the package and it would be wise to make an effort to get to know them better. And yes I know, many people will take issue that his parents and warn you that they might be that kind that controls his every move and meddles in his life... Maybe but then again maybe not. You won't know until you extend the olive branch and get to know them better. Then and ONLY then can you have a more informed opinion about them and decide whether you can live with it or not. Good luck. 2
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 You are making a big deal out of this and I don't understand why, only reasons that comes to mind is that you know you are not that much into this man and you see an end at the horizon. Meeting the parents is not as significant as meeting the children. It's important to be cautious when meeting young children as they will develop attachment quickly. Parents are adults with experience, they understand life and relationships. Relax, you make a big deal out of something that is not. Meeting the parents is just that, it's not an engagement or a marriage. This man is excited about you, he told his parents and they want to know who's this woman enhancing their's son life. 2
MidwestUSA Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Go meet them. They might be really cool. Like the ****ers! Oh, for real? ****ers, like shockers with an F.
deathandtaxes Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 (edited) OP - you mention the parents wanting to meet you. How does the guy feel? Does he want you to meet? Meeting parents is a BIG DEAL. This is just something you need to discuss with your boyfriend. Be honest. Edited June 8, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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