Hoosfoos Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 We weren't perfect together, but looking back, my life was a whole lot better with her in it than without. When I think about what I just wrote it think it is stupid because she had me in a hamster wheel and was ready to jump at a moment's notice. And she did, when I started to stick up for myself and call her on her shi t. I guess I figured we could always work things out. I couldn't have been more wrong. I tried really hard, I think I did a pretty good job bringing things to the table but in the end none of it was enough for her. Her preoccupation with status in life was enough for her to want to end it. I couldn't give her the house, trips abroad, or the fancy car, or the constant wining and dining. But I did my best to be a good partner. Still, not enough. Money and status will always trump empathy, kindness, and good treatment in a relationship with a North American woman. Obviously I'm lacking in the money and status department. She wouldn't wait for me to go back to school. She wanted everything. Now. However there were some very rich times and I have no idea how she was able to turn away without looking back. Maybe there was someone waiting in the wings, but I'll never know. I have gone hardcore no contact. I am forced to go back to the life I had before her. I don't have the connections and network that she has to be able to have a satisfying life. Most of my time I am either at my crappy job or at home alone, thinking about how things had been, and how they could have been if I had gotten the job that was supposed to sustain the relationship. Wallowing, I know, but the grief is so strong I don't really know what to do with it. I bring it with me wherever I go. I have never had so many regrets in life as I do now. And this comes from something that at one point had so much promise. I don't know if the pain, shame, self-loathing, and regret is ever going to leave me. I can't say that I'm a better person because of this experience, or if I have learned anything. I also don't know if I'll ever get involved with anyone ever again. I'm no spring chicken, and I'm not getting any younger. This wasn't the life I envisioned for myself at this point. All my friends and family have solid careers and partners in life. Sure, you can tell me that there are others out there that have it worse than me, but whatever, everything's relative. One day you're a king on a throne with a multitude of possibilities, and the next you're dragging along the bottom. I would prefer to be back on that throne.
LoveIsMyReligion Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Sounds like you need to work on yourself. Nobody wants to be around a debby downer, find happiness from within yourself and others will want to be around you. A girl shouldn't be the sole source of your happiness.
Author Hoosfoos Posted June 7, 2014 Author Posted June 7, 2014 Sounds like you need to work on yourself. Nobody wants to be around a debby downer, find happiness from within yourself and others will want to be around you. A girl shouldn't be the sole source of your happiness. I don't disagree with anything you have said. I miss the rich times. And the grief is really hard to deal with. I haven't always been like this.
Recommended Posts