Do you love me BW?

[longjourney]

Yes I believe we are S. But we still talk. We talk honestly, probably for the first time since I have known him, seeing how WH has since the day I met him and BEFORE had feelings for the OW, so now at least I am aware of them and he is being honest. A peek into my thoughts and our convo last nigh, and I figured it could help all of you BW's out there who are just "staying", or at least maybe you will think about it:

 

 

Last night WH and I were talking about things and he asked "do you think you love me?"

I hate that I had to think about it.

And I hate that the best answer I could come up with is "I don't know, I really don't know"

The trouble is I DON'T know.

I know I love being married.

I know I love the family we have created.

I know I love the things we did together.

I know I love our house, our pets, our way of life.

But do I love WH?

 

 

How can you answer that question when:

There are things I love about him.

And I hate some things about him.

I look at him and feel tender inside.

And I look at him and the anger boils up in me. Sometimes I want him to hold me and make me feel safe and warm.

Other times his touch makes my skin shrivel.

 

 

I look at him and see: so many years of my life, the one person in the world who knows me better than anyone else, my partner, my person, my lover, my friend, because lets face it I DID HONESTLY love him and marry the love of my life, even though he DID NOT.

 

And yet I look at him and I also see YEARS of lies, the one person in the world who has betrayed me more than anyone else, my wayward husband, OW's lover, my biggest disappointment.

 

 

I love that we share a history.

I hate that him and OW share a history.

 

 

I love his cute butt.

I hate that OW's hands were on his naked butt.

 

I love that he has been there for me through thick and thin.... our baby, my beloved Gran's death, surgeries, the longing for the birth of our baby, my mother's illness.

 

I hate that he was able to "throw me under the bus" after all of the stuff we had faced together and only MONTHS after our wedding vows.

 

 

 

I thought I knew this man, my husband of years.

Sometimes I look at him and think "do I know you at all?"

[harrybrown]

Has he stopped with the OW?

 

is he trying to work on your marriage? It does take both to make it work, not just one.

[jnel921]

I LOVE this post... I know how you feel.

 

It's been a year and a half since DDay and I still haven't said I love you. For the first time I had an AHA moment while reading your post!

 

You are absolutely right when you say that you married the love of your life...even if he didn't. I know I do and I almost feel like I can say it to him after reading that. I don't know why I am holding back.... Wow.

 

I agree, I am not happy that my husbands goodies were being enjoyed by someone else. I can't change that. It's disappointing.

 

But I guess because I chose to stay and work it out I have to deal with it and look at our M for what it became after the fact. Which was a whole lot better.

 

If he is making you as happy as mine is making me then he is a keeper and worth a whole lotta loving!

[revelations]

longjourney,

 

I can relate to your words and thoughts. It is difficult to find out that the person you fell in love with does not feel the same. Even when that do state that they still love you it is difficult to believe when their actions show something totally different. It is always painful to look into that persons eyes that use to be your lover and your best friend and not be sure of what you see anymore. It is knowing that you are a choice and that someone else was chosen over you for that period of time. It is wondering if they will choose someone else again.

 

I cannot give you advice to stay or what you should do to stay. For me once I am cheated on then I know that from then on out I am a second choice. Myself I have never been in love with a woman that was a choice, she was always someone that I have wanted. Once cheated on then I am choosing to stay with her and in all cases if she is a choice then I will not choose her. At the most I have told people here to give a WS a chance, however even that is very rare for me to say. So I guess staying with someone that cheated on you just depends on if your willing to live with the pain to stay with them. Some people feel that it is worth it, while others like me do not. Either way I know that your hurting and if I wish that I could give you that big hug you need. So instead please accept this

((((longjourney))))

I hope that helps you..

[Hope Shimmers]

The reason I would walk away is... what about in 2 years? Five years? Ten years? Or 20 years?

 

Do you think what he is saying now - just in this moment - supersedes what he has done - his actions? Behaving 'now' is easy. Do you really believe that he won't do it again?

 

I would not. Sorry.

[Red123]

I so understand this. It is so hard to love someone and hate their actions so much. It makes it so hard to make the right choice.