TheNewMe2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 I've been dating the same woman since February. She has never had a long-term relationship in the past and she is quite reserved with her emotions. Call me a coward, but we don't discuss our feelings very often or too in depth. She's told me expressing emotions is tough for her. I look for moments and try to keep it at a level that doesn't make it uncomfortable for her. Due to our schedules, we don't see each other very often - once a week and maybe spend every other weekend together. Which isn't bad and probably healthy for the things going on in both our lives. Two weeks ago we went to the beach for Memorial Day weekend. We had more intimacy than we've ever had. I saw her again Tuesday after she got back from a trip. Good time, things were normal and everything was good. Had what I considered a passionate kiss before I left late that evening. We text daily and talk on the phone every other day or so. I can't construe anything has changed with us at all. We are going on a camping trip next weekend with a large group of friends (same tent) and she emailed myself and one of our good friends about going on a 4 day vacation trip this fall. This weekend she's away for work and I won't see her until our trip. She's also, apparently never had a long-term relationship (mid 30's). She and I get a long very well - haven't had even the slightest of fights and seem to enjoy all the same things. It's tough for me because she doesn't share emotions every well. When I'm with her, it's obvious how things are. But when we are part start wondering and doubting. I know from everything I've written that it seems like things are good. I care about her more deeply than maybe anyone I have ever met. In some ways the 'honeymoon' phase seems over - that actually excites me..because that being the case, I still feel as strongly about her as I ever have. Usually by now (and I was married ten years too), I would start losing interest or things wouldn't be so good. So the question is - I feel like she may be bored because the honeymoon period might be over (or maybe it isn't..maybe we are settling into a more mature relationship now). We are still doing exciting new things every time we get together...and I always feel our relationship moves a slight increment forward with every day/weekend together. Two weeks ago I got her to say more about how she felt than I've ever been able to do - that she 'kinda liked me too'. It's tough for her to express herself, and that's tough for me since I like a bit of reassurance. I'm hoping some of the wise women out there can provide the reassurance (of course, if not..like to know what the concerns might be). Honestly, I've never felt so lucky and grateful for a relationship. I can't believe she has never had a relationship (works always been more important to her in the past) in the past. She's two much an amazingly complete package (I think some of the other guys that know her are waking up to that now too). Why am I paranoid - because I'm that lucky?
ThorntonMelon Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 I know you asked for women's points of view, but I don't think you're being paranoid at all. You want a woman who is open with her feelings. You've dated 3-4 months and all she can say is "kinda liked me too". You think it's a red flag, and you're right. You want her to validate your feelings with hers and she either isn't capable of doing so or doesn't want to. And instead of respecting your own feelings, you're making excuses for behaviors that you don't like. (For the record, I don't think there's anything wrong with her taking it slow but it's not working for you) Here's what I would say. You "care about her more deeply than maybe anyone I have ever met". She "kinda likes you too". Until that evens out, you need to protect yourself. Trust your instincts. 2
J21 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 (edited) I'm hoping some of the wise women out there can provide the reassurance (of course, if not..like to know what the concerns might be). Honestly, I've never felt so lucky and grateful for a relationship. I can't believe she has never had a relationship (works always been more important to her in the past) in the past. She's two much an amazingly complete package (I think some of the other guys that know her are waking up to that now too). Why am I paranoid - because I'm that lucky? 4 months in and "I kinda like you too" isn't a good position to be in. Is she just filling a relationship void in her life or really into you? Its almost as if you are afraid to ask or discuss the issue because you're afraid she might bail on you. Sweeping issues under the rug will always end up eating away at a person, that's why I feel its best to just talk about it face to face. The wording you've chose made me think you've placed this relationship in such a high pedestal ("Honestly, I've never felt so lucky and grateful for a relationship") you are neglecting your own needs of having words of affirmation. ("tough for me since I like a bit of reassurance"). Until you have an open and honest heart to heart about it, this is gonna always eat away at you. The only person's who's assurance that should matter is hers. You cannot find the assurance you are looking for from strangers on the internet. You're gonna have to go to the source and face this issue if you want clarity and put the matter at ease. Good luck and best wishes. Edited June 6, 2014 by J21
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