Can it just end soon...

[expendableaccount]

I hope it ends soon.

 

I've liked a girl since October. I hate her, not because she has done anything wrong, she hasn't. It's because she has made me feel like a weak, pathetic, asocial, unlikable idiot. I should be happy. I've got supportive friends and in general my life doesn't have any problems. Yet that doesn't change how I feel.

 

I started hanging out with her and a mutual male friend in January. I was apprehensive about hanging out with her because I knew my feelings would get deeper for her. And the last time I liked someone was when I was 14, granted I was young but before this I can never remember feeling so bad. When I liked a girl but she didn't feel the same. Yet she did like two of my best friends. And I had to sit beside and act like nothing.

Anyway, I decided I'd hang out because why not. It's not as if it could go that bad again.

 

So we hung out for a few months. In the beginning I thought I had a chance. I sent messages to her quite frequently (which I'm now ashamed of because...) but she didn't send me many messages. And we did do stuff but with the mutual friend. Finally I realized she didn't feel the same. That was in March. I felt really bad. Well I thought I did at least. But I told myself that I could get over her while still hanging out. But I couldn't. I kept on doing stuff with those two. I finally told the mutual male friend how I felt and asked that if he ever developed feelings for her he would tell me. Not because I wanted to stop anything but I wanted to be prepared for the worst. Because last time it happened I took it really badly. He promised he would.

 

Fast forward to two weeks ago. We still hung out. To me it felt like they were getting more intimate and I hated doing stuff with them. But I told myself my friend would tell me if he got any feelings for her so I endured. Even if it really hurt. The week after I was hanging out with a friend of mine and the mutual friend, who knew the person I liked since before school (however, they're not close friends). She mentioned something I can't remember, that I reacted to. She could tell from that that I liked the girl. So she called me later that night and asked. I told her the truth. She told me it must be hard when a friend likes the same person you do. I asked her what she meant. She told me the male friend had asked her earlier in the week what the girl in question liked to do.

 

I understand that he likes her. If anyone would it would be me. That's not why I was really angry at him. It was because he had not told me. I get that it's an odd request but if you make a promise you have the responsibility to live up to that promise. At least if it's to a close friend. But he didn't. I confronted him about it and he said he had a slight interest since a week prior. But he knew my interest was much bigger. As if that makes a difference. As if he thought that made a diffrence considering the message he sent earlier that week. But he still doesn't know that I've seen that message. I'm not going to tell him either because she who showed me doesn't deserve to get involved in this. And I have no right to put their friendship at unease.

So I panicked and what's pretty much happened is... I've told the girl I like how I felt. I had planned to tell her in person two times but inconveniences made it impossible. So yes, I told her through facebook and you don't need to tell me how stupid it was. I hated doing it that way as well and I made that clear in the message to her.

 

I told her I liked her and that I really want to hang out when I get over her because she's really great to be with. She completely understood and handled it very nicely. Which I'm grateful for. Obviously this message was much much longer but this was a summary.

 

Yesterday I was in school, it was the day after I sent her the message. I thought I'd handle it all well... until I sat in the corridor and see her, her friend and the mutual male friend walk down. He made her laugh and they were going to hang out. I get it, great that she's happy. I get it, it's not for me to say who can be with who. But that was awful. For one it felt really in your face to me. The first day after I finally told her the truth and I see that. But honestly, the main issue I have is my friend.

 

I might be unrational. I might put way too much blame onto him because I hate this situation so much but god do I hate him. He's an extrovert and social person who everybody likes. He doesn't seem to have any ****ing troubles in his life. He just strolls around and everything in served on a silver platter to him. One second he doesn't like her and the next he does. And that exact second it feels like he immediately gets those feelings reciprocated from her. Yet he doesn't think of the feelings around him. He didn't tell me he felt this way. He just ignored it because it's convenient for him. And all I did was to be honest. I did nothing wrong. I was me. But that wasn't enough. I'm not good enough. But apparently he is for some kind of reason. I just don't think he deserves her but I can't say that because it's selfish so instead I just feel **** and I hate it.

Edited June 6, 2014 by expendableaccount

[bluenote]

Nobody can force you to be in a situation that makes you uncomfortable or unhappy, only yourself. if you have feelings for a lady you best tell her and if she doesn't sit with it then thats that you accept, but to ask your friend to tell you if he develops feelings for her doesn't do you any good, you can't want to know what you can't controll, its unecessary information only detremental to you none else.

 

I think its in you, just build courage and tell her how you feel, instead of making conclussions, you are becoming jealous by your own doing seeing that she may/seems to be more comfortable with him because your feelings of insecurity are permiating from your skin and it shows clearly. You are meant to enjoy your youth now not keep yourself imprisoned with these deep thoughts and questions. Simply be a man, tell her how you feel about her and that your feelings makes you very ubcomfortable hanging with them, you won't die.

[bluenote]

Sory friend, I did not say what I realy ought to have, realizing you are school going, I don't think you must allow relationships and all that to bring you to this platform, you have to experiment live and enjoy, this is for old fools like me with weaknesses,

 

Few of my practices that I know might work for you, women like to be woowed (I am generalizing but its meant for your benefit not to offend anyone), If you see yourself as an introvert and you have low self esteem, don't worry the world is made for us cowards. It infact gives you the advantage of experiencing yourself building your courage to face her.put up a plan of how when and where you do your thing, make her feel wanted dead or alive-in demand, give her a chocolate or give her commends on how beautiful she is, if she rejects your advances, it should be normal, you must know that you will have many other women to deal with in your lifetime and this is a practice run. Make the most of it and be positive it will make you feel confident.