Can't stop worrying/insecurities

[disclosure]

So I used this site quite a bit during my break up last December and from then onwards. Decided I'd give it a shot for the other side of things.

 

So I'm kind of worried about my current situation. Went to a festival 2 weeks ago, was stoked because I was finally starting to let go of my ex and all the guilt associated with our break up etc. Anyways, 2nd night in I met a girl and right off the bat we kind of hit it off, ended up having sex that night and in the morning there was no awkwardness or anything, took my time leaving their campsite etc. Ended up meeting up the following night as well after all of the concerts and just slept together, probably would have had sex but long story short = no condoms on hand. Then the following day we ended up spending that day together inside the festival grounds. Ended up drinking too much tho so that night was a write off for me. But never, ever expected to meet someone there and continue anything after that. Was pretty much the first time I had had any real interest in getting laid tbh.

 

Anyways, after the festival I decided to text her because why not, she lived super close to me (turns out we had a mutual best friend at a young age), figured a casual date would be good for me. Asked her out on a date, just for lunch or something, and it eventually progressed to her asking if I wanted to spend the night and then spend the day at the beach the next day. Following that, we spent all weekend together basically. I've already met her friends and she has met mine. This weekend she is a couple hours away with her friends and we are texting eachother a lot, almost as if we are already a couple.

 

My concern is that she had just gotten out of a relationship the end of February. That relationship was 5 years long, she ended things. She brought up one night whether or not I was looking for a relationship or if I broke up to be single, I said that I did break up to be single and figure my **** out but whatever happens happens kind of thing. She pretty much had the same idea, but stated that she was more of a relationship kind of girl and seems to be hinting that that is where she wants this to go. I like her and can definitely see that happening as well.

 

But I'm worried that this is all happening too quickly and it's going to just fizzle out. Not really sure how to slow it down at this point and just make sure this isn't just some rebound thing for her. I get the idea that she was checked out of her last relationship quite a bit before they broke up, and I brought up my concern about her last relationship being quite long and how there hasn't been much time since then. She insisted that she is over him and had been for a little while. Am I looking too much into this and should I just go with the flow and embrace the whole "honeymoon" phase? Or is the way this relationship is developing kind of a warning sign?

Edited June 6, 2014 by disclosure

[ponchsox]

This is a textbook rebound for her and it will end abruptly. Either have fun with it while it lasts or cut ties now if you won't be able to hande it.

[disclosure]

Of course it is. :/ Part of me knew I shouldn't have continued this **** afterwards, but I thought it would be good for me. Definitely not the type of person who is down/can handle just a fun little temporary relationship. If I like someone I generally go for it full on.

 

But no possible way around this? **** is doomed just like that? Exhibits a bunch of signs of a rebound relationship, yet she seems so mature about her past relationships and when I brought up the idea that I was worried it was too soon she seemed taken aback and responded pretty well.

 

 

Anyways, I'll probably hold off on the texts a little while she's gone, then tell her what's up when she gets back.

[J21]

I agree this looks like a rebound dude. Sorry but she broke up from a 5 year relationship, she's not looking to be tied down again so soon.

 

The relationship came into fruition out of thin air. And you know what they say: Easy come, easy go.

 

Don't get attached, you'll end up getting hurt.

[disclosure]

Can I ask what you guys would do in this situation?

 

Break it off just like that? Attempt to slow it down? Be honest? Just go with it and when it ends it ends?

 

Because at the same time I obviously don't want to hurt her either by just stopping contact suddenly.

[J21]

Can I ask what you guys would do in this situation?

 

Break it off just like that? Attempt to slow it down? Be honest? Just go with it and when it ends it ends?

 

Because at the same time I obviously don't want to hurt her either by just stopping contact suddenly.

You are way too vested in someone that you met 2 weeks ago. I don't care how much time you two spent together, you barely know someone you met 2 weeks ago.

 

And even if it ends now, how much are you and her really gonna get hurt? You guys met 2 weeks ago.

Edited June 6, 2014 by J21

[wiser2]

@disclosure, After reading here often for a long time, I just registered specifically to reply to you! Please, please ignore these cynical replies about rebounds, blah, blah, etc.

 

Seriously, you feel a connection. You are enjoying it. Explore it without reservations. It may work out or it may not. Do not pre-judge her capability to fully engage or apply some bs rules. If you do not feel ready, that is yours to own and you should act accordingly. That is the only limitation you should consider.

 

Let me tell you a story... Within a month of my separation from my ex-husband, he and I each met someone by chance. He is still married to our child's step-mother 15 years later (with another child) and I lived with the man I met for many years and it didn't last forever but we had several good years and he and I are still friends.

 

Unless one of the parties was truly traumatized, the whole rebound myth is just that in my opinion. (I actually am here on LS because I was traumatized by a breakup with an NPD man and needed to take time out to rebuild myself so I know the difference!) I also know now that finding someone with whom I easily connect does not happen every day and I will not take it for granted again.

 

Good luck to you!

[acrosstheuniverse]

I agree this looks like a rebound dude. Sorry but she broke up from a 5 year relationship, she's not looking to be tied down again so soon.

 

The relationship came into fruition out of thin air. And you know what they say: Easy come, easy go.

 

Don't get attached, you'll end up getting hurt.

 

This isn't necessarily true. Not everyone sees being in a committed relationship as being 'tied down' or a bad thing. She may well have checked out of her past relationship a long time before it ended and be ready to date again.

 

I've generally met a new partner within three or so months of each breakup I've had, even the really serious ones. My way of dealing is usually to throw myself into casual dating, having fun, getting to know new people, and from that I've often ran into somebody I really liked and who I wanted to get to know further. This often led to a relationship, and was never a rebound for me.

 

I agree though, in the not getting too attached. If you've only known someone a few weeks that's not a very long time to be feeling this level of anxiety over it, however much time you've spent with one another. Just go with the flow, enjoy exploring what you have. I reckon when she asked what you were looking for and you said you broke up to be single but would see where things went you should have taken that opportunity to make it clear that you don't want to rush but you like her and feel good about things so far. If a guy told me a few weeks into dating he was intending to be single but might change his mind if something came along, I'd presume that he wasn't that bothered about me and probably shut down my feelings even if I was into him, even if I continued to hang out.

[Rar0]

I don't think there's mutual attraction

[ain5053]

Might be a rebound, but might not be. Everybody is different with how they deal with a break up. Most people take a long time to cope and after my breakup I thought I would never get over it. But I am a strong person, and I love myself much more than any man.. and I forced myself to remember that and to move on and most importantly BE HAPPY, only took me a week to get over the "love of my life" (he broke up with me). And he ended up trying to contact me later, and at the time it was already too late. I am happy and currently dating someone else, and no, I don't consider it a rebound.

My point is, depending on a person's self confidence, maturity, respect for themselves and overall positivity - everybody deals with realtionships and break ups differently. There is a very good chance that she is interested in you and rebound or not, definitely just continue what you have with her and allow for your relationship to grow NATURALLY. Believe it or not, people jump from one good relationship to a better relationship all the time, and you just have to take a chance and see where it goes.

 

Good luck!

[disclosure]

@wiser2 @acrosstheuniverse @ain5053 Appreciate the replies. Helps to see things from a different side.

 

I'm just skeptical with how into this she seems to be so early on and can't help but worry she is more into the idea of being in a relationship rather than who she is in a relationship with. That being said, she has told me already that she had a thing with a guy on a recent trip and he was going to come back here to see her but she didn't pursue it. She also told me of another guy who lived here but went to another country for school who she has been keeping in contact with and is planning on returning in August and wants to hang out. She said she plans on stopping contact with him as well and has no interest in that. So I mean, it's not like she hasn't already been exploring other options since her break up.

 

Definitely equally my fault with how fast **** is moving. Been showing her way too much attention and naturally she is loving it. But yeah, I think I'll keep going with it but take the advice of not getting too attached, maybe ignore the odd text message etc. When she gets back just tell her that I'd maybe like to slow it down a bit. If she's game, then I know she's at least somewhat interested in me, if it fizzles out right then and there then I know it was never meant to be anyways.

 

 

I don't think there's mutual attraction

 

Curious as to who you are referring to? For me or her?

Edited June 6, 2014 by disclosure

[Wisecrack]

I'd like to go against the trend and say go with the flow. I've had friends who've gotten out of relationships like your girl only to end up in another a few weeks later and these have lasted years on. Some girls only live to be in a relationship and can't stand the thought of being single.

 

Like all woman though, you should keep your feelings in check and enjoy what you have now without investing much into it until it gets serious. That way, if things do go south, you'll enjoy the time together and there won't be much heart ache.

 

Sidenote: If you feel things are moving way too fast, slow it down. You're the man - you're suppose to drive the relationship. Don't reply instantly sometimes, or don't even reply at a day. Use messaging as a means to set up dates. As long as she is doing everything a girlfriend does, she is into you. The moment she becomes distant, you'll know something is not right.

[acrosstheuniverse]

@wiser2 @acrosstheuniverse @ain5053 Appreciate the replies. Helps to see things from a different side.

 

I'm just skeptical with how into this she seems to be so early on and can't help but worry she is more into the idea of being in a relationship rather than who she is in a relationship with. That being said, she has told me already that she had a thing with a guy on a recent trip and he was going to come back here to see her but she didn't pursue it. She also told me of another guy who lived here but went to another country for school who she has been keeping in contact with and is planning on returning in August and wants to hang out. She said she plans on stopping contact with him as well and has no interest in that. So I mean, it's not like she hasn't already been exploring other options since her break up.

 

Definitely equally my fault with how fast **** is moving. Been showing her way too much attention and naturally she is loving it. But yeah, I think I'll keep going with it but take the advice of not getting too attached, maybe ignore the odd text message etc. When she gets back just tell her that I'd maybe like to slow it down a bit. If she's game, then I know she's at least somewhat interested in me, if it fizzles out right then and there then I know it was never meant to be anyways.

 

 

 

 

Curious as to who you are referring to? For me or her?

 

Be careful, if you tell her to slow down she might go off you. I would.

[Easyguy14]

So I used this site quite a bit during my break up last December and from then onwards. Decided I'd give it a shot for the other side of things.

 

So I'm kind of worried about my current situation. Went to a festival 2 weeks ago, was stoked because I was finally starting to let go of my ex and all the guilt associated with our break up etc. Anyways, 2nd night in I met a girl and right off the bat we kind of hit it off, ended up having sex that night and in the morning there was no awkwardness or anything, took my time leaving their campsite etc. Ended up meeting up the following night as well after all of the concerts and just slept together, probably would have had sex but long story short = no condoms on hand. Then the following day we ended up spending that day together inside the festival grounds. Ended up drinking too much tho so that night was a write off for me. But never, ever expected to meet someone there and continue anything after that. Was pretty much the first time I had had any real interest in getting laid tbh.

 

Anyways, after the festival I decided to text her because why not, she lived super close to me (turns out we had a mutual best friend at a young age), figured a casual date would be good for me. Asked her out on a date, just for lunch or something, and it eventually progressed to her asking if I wanted to spend the night and then spend the day at the beach the next day. Following that, we spent all weekend together basically. I've already met her friends and she has met mine. This weekend she is a couple hours away with her friends and we are texting eachother a lot, almost as if we are already a couple.

 

My concern is that she had just gotten out of a relationship the end of February. That relationship was 5 years long, she ended things. She brought up one night whether or not I was looking for a relationship or if I broke up to be single, I said that I did break up to be single and figure my **** out but whatever happens happens kind of thing. She pretty much had the same idea, but stated that she was more of a relationship kind of girl and seems to be hinting that that is where she wants this to go. I like her and can definitely see that happening as well.

 

But I'm worried that this is all happening too quickly and it's going to just fizzle out. Not really sure how to slow it down at this point and just make sure this isn't just some rebound thing for her. I get the idea that she was checked out of her last relationship quite a bit before they broke up, and I brought up my concern about her last relationship being quite long and how there hasn't been much time since then. She insisted that she is over him and had been for a little while. Am I looking too much into this and should I just go with the flow and embrace the whole "honeymoon" phase? Or is the way this relationship is developing kind of a warning sign?

 

 

She might start playing games very shortly so be on the lookout. I've had my share of women that became that way after a short while. She seems to be moving along without really thinking at the moment. That will surely change if she consults with any of her friends so be on guard for it.

[Shaun-Dro]

@wiser2 @acrosstheuniverse @ain5053 Appreciate the replies. Helps to see things from a different side.

 

I'm just skeptical with how into this she seems to be so early on and can't help but worry she is more into the idea of being in a relationship rather than who she is in a relationship with. That being said, she has told me already that she had a thing with a guy on a recent trip and he was going to come back here to see her but she didn't pursue it. She also told me of another guy who lived here but went to another country for school who she has been keeping in contact with and is planning on returning in August and wants to hang out. She said she plans on stopping contact with him as well and has no interest in that. So I mean, it's not like she hasn't already been exploring other options since her break up.

 

Definitely equally my fault with how fast **** is moving. Been showing her way too much attention and naturally she is loving it. But yeah, I think I'll keep going with it but take the advice of not getting too attached, maybe ignore the odd text message etc. When she gets back just tell her that I'd maybe like to slow it down a bit. If she's game, then I know she's at least somewhat interested in me, if it fizzles out right then and there then I know it was never meant to be anyways.

 

Why tell her anything? By doing so, you run that great chance of messing things up with the dame. Use your head.

[disclosure]

Update...

 

We're exclusive now. She seems to want to spend so much time together which I still don't really get. Like she came home on Sunday from her vacation and we have spent every night/the majority of each day together since then..and then tonight I said I was going to hang out at home, and then she made some joke about being able to hang out again and ended up inviting me over again. I'm terrible at saying no but honestly this is a little much so early on. She works casual and I'm in between jobs right now though so I feel guilty saying no whenever she asks to hangout. She's asking me questions about my last relationship and if/when we moved in together etc, not that she wants to anytime soon but yeah, **** is just moving fast still and my overthinking mind can't stop wondering why she is so eager. Maybe it's just a lack of confidence and she is just really into me? I don't know.

[disclosure]

So my insecurities are ****ing me up.

 

This girl is attractive and extremely photogenic. And she knows it. She has well over 1000 selfies/pictures of her on her phone/facebook. And now she regularly takes some and sends them to me, as either a "good morning" text or a "check out this new outfit I bought". At first I liked it, thought it was cute and I'd giver her compliments etc. Tbh I still do, but now it seems like a pattern, and it's ****ing with me in the sense that it comes off as "give me attention". And now I've started overthinking **** and applying other things she does as attention seeking.

 

For example, she'll often tell me when other guys hit on her. Just the other day she went to her friend's fiancee's birthday party and she "casually" told me how she thinks he's weird. Why? Because apparently he gets all "touchy" feely with her and kisses her on the cheek and stuff, but only to her and no one else and she doesn't like it and thinks it's "weird".

 

Or when she's gone to clubs without me the odd time she'll call me/text me while she's there and start talking about some guy who was just hitting on her and how she had to "get away".

 

I'm not stupid, I know she likes attention. If I was hit on by some girl at a club, I wouldn't go telling her what happened, because I wouldn't need to since I know it's no big deal and I'm in a relationship. She acts clueless like she's just making conversation, but I'm sick of these mind games. I don't let her know that it gets to me and just play along, but it is definitely starting to bug me. I don't know how to counter this type of thing though, and gets me thinking that maybe she is the type of person that really likes attention and it's worrying me. I've been taking the odd (revealing) picture of myself even, just to show her that I am confident in my own looks (even if that isn't totally the case lol).

 

I'm also starting to go bald, and will probably be bald within a year..and my confidence is at an all time low because of it. It's making me think that I should not get too attached because of how easily it seems she can replace me and I can just see her breaking up with me in the future due to her no longer being attracted to me. Or that she'll start cheating on me for the same reasons. I am 100% confident in my personality though, and know that I am always looking to plan the next "surprise" etc, and already have a handful of nice/thoughtful **** planned to do with her. But I just know that doesn't hold much weight if someone is no longer physically attracted to you. She often emphasizes how "cute" we look etc, and that will be out the window when I go bald.

 

Yet at the same time, she has told me how she has never felt this way about anyone else, even her last relationship which was 5 years. How I'm the nicest person she has met, and she has even told me that my friend's have told her the same about me and how I am making her a better person already. She also talks a lot about the future and ****, and her lease is up soon on her apartment and she is even hinting that she wants to move in together (too soon for me).

 

I really just don't get it. I know I overthink ****, that's what I do and I have always been that way. And I always try to look at **** from both sides. But I'm sick of having days/nights where I can't stop worrying about this **** and I know if this keeps up it's going to start impacting the relationship and that will end up screwing it up on it's own. She is literally the type of girl you would marry and I'm having a hard time taking her off her pedestal and seeing myself as an equal.

 

Can someone at least shed some light on the attention thing? I know it's common, but should I be worried or does she simply just want attention from me?