avoforastig Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Although I was skeptical about going out with a woman who lives an hour to an hour and a half with traffic away, we met up last week halfway between for a drink and dinner. Things actually went really well. I asked her out for a second date this week on Friday evening. I'm not sure what to do for the second date. I live in the center of a big metro area with crazy traffic so I don't know if its practical to have her come to where I live. That being said, I am much more familiar with where I live and there is a lot more entertainment options. I feel like I need to put together a firm plan. Would it be better to have her come to where I live or offer to meet her somewhere in the middle again? Any good second date activities for suggestion?
PegNosePete Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 What? An hour to an hour and a half is not long distance. If you meet in the middle it's only like 30-45 minutes drive each. Most people drive more than that to get to work every single day for their whole lives. Halfway would be a good compromise but also depends what activities you're doing, who has most free time (do either of you do long hours etc), a lot of factors really. But as the guy generally I would expect to put in most of the effort for at least the first few dates. After that, her willingness to travel to see you might help you judge her interest level. 2
Frank2thepoint Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Although I was skeptical about going out with a woman who lives an hour to an hour and a half with traffic away, we met up last week halfway between for a drink and dinner. Things actually went really well. I asked her out for a second date this week on Friday evening. I'm not sure what to do for the second date. Driving for an hour to meet someone is not long distance. There are plenty of people in long distance relationships (which require flying) that would love to just drive for an hour to meetup with a date or the love of their life. I live in the center of a big metro area with crazy traffic so I don't know if its practical to have her come to where I live. That being said, I am much more familiar with where I live and there is a lot more entertainment options. I feel like I need to put together a firm plan. Yes, you need to put together a plan. Hit up your favorite search engine and begin doing research. Look for date ideas in your metro area and where she lives as well. Once you have ideas, make a plan. Ask her if she wants to come to where you are or if she is more comfortable with being in her area. Don't coerce her. Listen to her verbal cues if she would be willing or hesitant. For example, if she says she's never driven in the city before, this is a clear signal that she wouldn't be comfortable with it. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Driving for an hour to meet someone is not long distance. There are plenty of people in long distance relationships (which require flying) that would love to just drive for an hour to meetup with a date or the love of their life. Amen! THIS does not qualify as a LDR in my book but it's cute that you think it does. My man and I are 11 hours apart with an international border between us. Some couples on different continents and time zones separating them so a living only couple of hours from each other sounds like heaven to me
d0nnivain Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Yours is an inconvenient distance at best. I'd ask her what she would prefer for a second date. When I was on OLD, sometimes I was happy to get to go to the big city for a night out even though it was a distance for me & convenient for them.
AMusing Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Hi there, 60-90 minute drive is definitely not long distance, but it is long enough away to be a bit of a pain (this is from experience: my boyfriend of 1.5 years lives about an hour away from me). It is manageable, and certainly much easier than a long-distance relationship, but logistics and extra time spent driving are a bit frustrating. Back to your question: since you say you live in the center of your city, I assume she lives in one of the suburbs/nearby towns. If you're meeting around dinnertime, it would logistically make more sense to have her come to you (you'd be driving with all the commuters to the suburbs, therefore fighting rush hour traffic; she'd be driving opposite most of commuters, and so would have less traffic to fight against). My suggestion would be to plan a really fun date closer to you, with the promise that next time you get together you'll drive to her town. Either that or come up with two options, one close to you, and the other close to her, and let her choose which she'd prefer.
Mrin Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Does she have kids? If so, definitely go to her neck of the woods. If not, there is some good advice up above but let me leave you with this thought. I am going to generalize here but look at the posts on LS. Women are far more attuned to gestures and acts and have a tendency to analyze them to death trying to divine the guy's feelings (cause we are so good at expressing them - not!). So first date you met halfway. What do you think will send the stronger signal of your interest in her: setting up a fabulous date in her neck of the woods or making her come to you? You look at this from a practical perspective. She will look at this as an expression of your intent and to some extent your character. Think about the message it sends. If I were you I would set it up in her neck of the woods and say at sometime during the date - next one is in my area because I have the greatest little (bar/bistro/view/restaurant/park) that I want to share with you. Three signals sent: a) you are interested in her because you went to meet her b) you are giving in nature - willing to compromise c) that you want to share something special with her from your life on your next date. If all goes according to plan - you will probably settle into a ping pong series of dates where she starts to plan or take an active role when it is "her turn" and she wants to share something of her life with you.
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