Author Natsume21 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 Hi Natsume, thanks for your efforts in trying to help others. Im also trying to help others now, but I am still dealing with my own dilemma. I made a topic, maybe you could check it out: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/480042-acceptance-how-move-fast#post5737525 Keep up the good work, people at LS are awesome My response is posted. Help that guy out! 1
roe007 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 (edited) I repeat, you didn't do anything wrong...except maybe not realize that a lot of women who come from abusive relationships TEND to thrive off of them. Ergo, if some guy treats them right and like a person, it tends to bore them. I had a friend who grew up in an abusive home. Sweet girl, but she parties and gets crazy drunk, and sleeps with a bunch of guys who you can classify as "wifebeaters, drunkards, and a***holes." Goes on a date with me, says she doesn't see me sexually. I realized immediately that when a 20 year old girl pulls that card out, it's a friend-zone thing. At first I wanted to blame myself for what happened, but then I realized that I didn't act NEEDY at all. She was madly still attracted to her ex, though. The same ex that used to hit her and call her all kinds of names. We were incompatible. It upset me for a bit cause we were friends before now. Now I choose not to talk to her cause she just ain't for me. Trust me, dude. There was nothing you could do differently about it. You did good, man. I know bro thanks I have been through this ordeal in an old relationship as well. But that time it was different her boyfriend called and told she is not mine anymore and I was like what the heck? But that was long time ago and moving on was tough but fast. Once I realized she dumped me for an ex who was abusive I moved on. Same thing again but I am not clear if she went back to ex and I don't want to find out either. I have one question for you though. I went no contact for one and half months and when she started messaging randomly I put an end to it. I told I don't need her friendship and I need space well I have posted all that here. But she again messages like once a week or so. Yesterday she messaged from a new number saying that is her new number and don't delete the old number. The weird thing is she was furious when I said I don't want her friendship . she said she would delete my contact and never talk to me again. Now giving her new number is odd, who would do that? I don't think it is breadcrumb because there is no frequent communication or am I wrong? is it really her guilt? She wished me for birthday then after a week this message. Its random nothing to speculate I know that but why is she bothered? I don't want to break my NC at all and ask her to stop again. I did that twice even blocked her old number. The problem is I still love her but I know it is over so it is hard for me to move on fast. Edited June 5, 2014 by roe007
H245 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 This post has helped me some, but I still find a hard time coping 3 weeks after the breakup. I hope it's just still grieving and not a sign of clinical depression :/
Author Natsume21 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 I know bro thanks I have been through this ordeal in an old relationship as well. But that time it was different her boyfriend called and told she is not mine anymore and I was like what the heck? But that was long time ago and moving on was tough but fast. Once I realized she dumped me for an ex who was abusive I moved on. Same thing again but I am not clear if she went back to ex and I don't want to find out either. I have one question for you though. I went no contact for one and half months and when she started messaging randomly I put an end to it. I told I don't need her friendship and I need space well I have posted all that here. But she again messages like once a week or so. Yesterday she messaged from a new number saying that is her new number and don't delete the old number. The weird thing is she was furious when I said I don't want her friendship . she said she would delete my contact and never talk to me again. Now giving her new number is odd, who would do that? I don't think it is breadcrumb because there is no frequent communication or am I wrong? is it really her guilt? She wished me for birthday then after a week this message. Its random nothing to speculate I know that but why is she bothered? I don't want to break my NC at all and ask her to stop again. I did that twice even blocked her old number. The problem is I still love her but I know it is over so it is hard for me to move on fast. Let me make this CRYSTAL CLEAR When she left you for someone else, the guilt ate up her inside, but her desire outweighed the guilt. She wanted this other dude more than she did you. But she was expecting you to be completely crushed, sad, pathetic, anything to fully justify that she did the right thing in breaking up with you, and not have to question that maybe, just maybe, you can live without her. But now that you're ignoring, she's demanding you to be her backup plan. Without the security of your emotions and presence, her new relationship isn't looking so stable now, is it? She just wants to alleviate her guilt and have someone on the side. This ***** is selfish, please don't speak to her cause she is NOT your friend. A real friend would have left you alone. She's breadcrumbing you for the attention and validation. It has nothing to do with you. Just without you, her relationship doesn't seem so stable. --Natsume21
roe007 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Let me make this CRYSTAL CLEAR When she left you for someone else, the guilt ate up her inside, but her desire outweighed the guilt. She wanted this other dude more than she did you. But she was expecting you to be completely crushed, sad, pathetic, anything to fully justify that she did the right thing in breaking up with you, and not have to question that maybe, just maybe, you can live without her. But now that you're ignoring, she's demanding you to be her backup plan. Without the security of your emotions and presence, her new relationship isn't looking so stable now, is it? She just wants to alleviate her guilt and have someone on the side. This ***** is selfish, please don't speak to her cause she is NOT your friend. A real friend would have left you alone. She's breadcrumbing you for the attention and validation. It has nothing to do with you. Just without you, her relationship doesn't seem so stable. --Natsume21 Yea that is right. I don't really know if she is with someone. I never asked or I didn't get any information but she says she don't want a relationship and focus on her career. That said I stopped contacting her from the moment she said she don't want the relationship. If she is still contacting like soooo randomly it is confusing
Author Natsume21 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 Yea that is right. I don't really know if she is with someone. I never asked or I didn't get any information but she says she don't want a relationship and focus on her career. That said I stopped contacting her from the moment she said she don't want the relationship. If she is still contacting like soooo randomly it is confusing My ex contacted me when she heard I was going on a date with this new girl. I got some SERIOUS messages like "WHY ARE GOING WITH HER" and "That was our thing" Breadcrumbs. All it was, so I know your pain Minute I gave into her, BAM! She left me again.
roe007 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Hey Nat well I got a message from her today. Our mutual friend is having a wedding and he invited me and her actually he don't know about our problems so he told me to bring her as well and even invited her personally. He is actually her friend and we got along after we met when my ex introduced me to him. He is a good guy though but after break up I am just shutting myself down from all and moving on with life so when he invited me I went to house the next day and met with his family as well and wished him a Happy married life in advance. Told him i might be busy during the weekend. Actually I am not busy I don't want to see her because the wounds are fresh and I won't be able to move on. Tomorrow is the wedding and today I got a message from my ex asking if I am going? I am kinda sad as well but she is idiotic enough to ask me after she broke my heart why is she not having any kind of remorse for her action and just stay away for good. I have even told her I am not interested in talking or meeting but still this holds no good to me. I blocked her she messaged me from another number but this keeps happening. It is random one message a week or so and that too the messages are like this just plain texts.
Jiivy Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 My ex-fiancée left me 3 months ago for another guy. We were due to be married later this year! It's also her birthday tomorrow... All this **** has been breaking me down and breaking me apart for the last few months. OP, I just want to say that it's posts like THIS that make feel a little less crappy, a little stronger and just a little better as a person. It's guys & girls like you that keep me coming back to help and be helped on LS. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 1
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