NC-Thomas Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 (edited) Hi LS, Thanks for being my backbone in these cloudy days. I have read many guides on NC and moving on. Accepting is the biggest part of moving on. I would really like to know what the best way it to move on quickly? I don't want to live in the past anymore, but I am still very much feeling it. I have been using techniques such as NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and Cognition Therapy. I have noticed that emotions come in as waves, one moment im completely relaxed and think to myself "the hell with her, i'm a good person and I deserve to be with someone that gives 200%" but then an hour later or the next morning I feel as if im back to Day 1. Feeling needy and desperate, but also saying to myself "she was near perfect". What I am already doing: - working out 3 / 4 times a week - meeting with old / lost friends - planning my weekends - started dating again (had 1 date, not intimate) What I really need is to know: 1. How can I stop waking up frightened, alone and so desperate. Every morning I have to read LS and calm down and think: i'm OK. 2. How can i calm the waves of emotions im getting. They fluctuate from feeling OK, to anger, anxiety, neediness etc. 3. What is the quickest way to move on and ACCEPT? I know the RS flaws we had, i know mine and i know hers. But I can't help to think "WHAT IF...", "I SHOULD..." Sometimes it's just killing me. I know time heals all wounds, I just want to tweak the process a little and save myself a lot of BS. Edited June 5, 2014 by NC-Thomas
David87 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 You need more time friend, because your Bu is stil fresh.( It happened 2 months ago if i'm not mistaken) Keep yourself busy and in a couple of months you'll be much better I promise.
Natsume21 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Hi LS, Thanks for being my backbone in these cloudy days. I have read many guides on NC and moving on. Accepting is the biggest part of moving on. I would really like to know what the best way it to move on quickly? I don't want to live in the past anymore, but I am still very much feeling it. I have been using techniques such as NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and Cognition Therapy. I have noticed that emotions come in as waves, one moment im completely relaxed and think to myself "the hell with her, i'm a good person and I deserve to be with someone that gives 200%" but then an hour later or the next morning I feel as if im back to Day 1. Feeling needy and desperate, but also saying to myself "she was near perfect". What I am already doing: - working out 3 / 4 times a week - meeting with old / lost friends - planning my weekends - started dating again (had 1 date, not intimate) What I really need is to know: 1. How can I stop waking up frightened, alone and so desperate. Every morning I have to read LS and calm down and think: i'm OK. 2. How can i calm the waves of emotions im getting. They fluctuate from feeling OK, to anger, anxiety, neediness etc. 3. What is the quickest way to move on and ACCEPT? I know the RS flaws we had, i know mine and i know hers. But I can't help to think "WHAT IF...", "I SHOULD..." Sometimes it's just killing me. I know time heals all wounds, I just want to tweak the process a little and save myself a lot of BS. You need two things. 1. Is time. 2. Working on your confidence. ^Best way to do this. Trial and error: talk to AS MANY WOMEN AS POSSIBLE. And I do mean AS possible. Tall, skinny, short, fat, blonde, brunette, the works. What will build your confidence up is being told you're attractive by other women, cause that is the hardest thing to deal with in this situation. You need to open yourself up, be flirtatious but not too forward, and be confident, but that'll come with time and practice. I had to force myself to talk to girls after I was hurting. Do this in combination with what you already are, and it won't be long before you are feeling like your old self again! --Natsume21 2
Author NC-Thomas Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 You need more time friend, because your Bu is stil fresh.( It happened 2 months ago if i'm not mistaken) Keep yourself busy and in a couple of months you'll be much better I promise. Broke up 1 may, kept 2 weeks of contact, was 2 weeks in NC, then met with her, didn't work out. Last contact was 3 days ago and now in full NC. Friend is picking up my stuff next Monday.
David87 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Broke up 1 may, kept 2 weeks of contact, was 2 weeks in NC, then met with her, didn't work out. Last contact was 3 days ago and now in full NC. Friend is picking up my stuff next Monday. NC is a long journey my friend, you'll need at least 3 or 4 months of hardcore NC. Hang in there 1
Raena Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 I really don't think you can speed things along. It has to happen at its own pace. A couple weeks NC isn't really enough. Give it some more time. I'm at almost 8 months and I still feel the pangs sometimes, but everyone is different. Just give yourself time to heal. Don't rush into dating just yet. Yes talk to other women, but don't rush into a relationship with any of them. Make it clear that you aren't ready yet because you really aren't. Otherwise, keep doing what you are doing. Eventually you'll realize... hey, it's been a full day and I didn't even think about her and I feel good. That will turn into a few days, then a few weeks and so on. 1
Amy74 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 I have to agree with all the above. Until they invent an erase button for our memories it's all about time and working on yourself. Break ups suck--recovery sucks--it all sucks. In the scheme of things you're doing great, you are working a plan and it seems to be getting better--little by little. You've got this...like a boss. : ) 2
lovehurtsme91 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Unfortunately, there is no way to actually speed the process of moving on. I tried doing almost anything and everything to do it but I still feel like crap after. After trying to find ways to cheat the process and jumping straight to acceptance and moving on, I realize that the only way to really move on is giving yourself time. Dating May or may not be a good idea. If dating makes you think about your ex and you feel more depressed after, that means you're not ready to date. Give it time. You're moving forward. Just continue going NC for now.
sarbunoemi Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 What helped me in my healing process that whether I had thoughts of my ex, I got busy instantly or I focused on something else. At first, it was hard, but after that I have felt free (this also includes if you are with someone new and whne you get insecure feelings) Osho's teachings helped me very much because I started meditating and larning how to "lose" my Ego along the process.
Alcatraz Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 I really think that half the battle is accepting and wanting to move on, which you are doing. I kept contact for the first 4 weeks or so, that was the error of my ways, going full NC though has really helped though, I think you'll find this the longer you keep it NC. You're doing well buddy, stick in there.
Always Pondering Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Easy there NC-Thomas, everything will be alright friend. You are doing well and keep to it! As the saying goes, "time heals all wounds". It may take you just a short while or it may take you a very long time, it's different for everyone and every situation. Do not worry about the hypothetical questions that you have and trust in the fact that everything will be OK. If being part of LS helps you then keep doing that. It sure helps me. My healing rapidly increased when I decided to start doing things in life and evolving as a person. I mean trying to develop my career, learning a new language, meeting a whole lot of new people, doing lots of research, just trying new things really. Lastly, strict NC has done me good. I believe this is the longest I have went NC (about 5 months now) since I kept breaking it before and I finally am feeling emotional release. My breakup was over a year ago and the last time I contacted her was in January. I believe, stay to NC and put effort into getting better. If you do these two things and keep a positive attitude, your life will undoubtedly get better.
Chi townD Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 DUDE!!!! It's only been 3 days!!! YOU NEED TO GIVE IT TIME!!! When I was betrayed, I would wake up and she would be the FIRST thing on my mind! And it was that way for a while. Then one day, I woke up, took a shower, got dressed and went to class. Then, it hit me sitting through one of my lectures. She wasn't the first thing on my mind that morning when I woke up! That's when I knew I was starting to heal. 3
Simon Phoenix Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Yeah, if you are looking for the "fast" way, you are going to find yourself relapsing big time. It's not about recovering quickly, it's about recovering completely. Look at it like losing weight. If you do a hardcore crash diet right off the bat, eventually you are going to get so hungry that you will just start eating anything and everything in sight and not only gain back the weight you lost, but some extra on top. However, if you do a gradual weight loss where you slowly change your eating habits and try to lose a little bit at a time, odds are that the weight will stay off and you'll be a newer, thinner, healthier person. This applies to anything else in life (paying off debt, starting a business). Slow and steady wins the race. 1
lauri Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 I tried to fast track my healing numerous times. Ask anyone on here how well that worked for me lol. I kept hindering any success / progress I made. I strongly suggest you do things the right way and stop looking at it from a "timeline" perspective. I don't think it matters how long this will take - you just need to do it right and take your time while you are doing it. Slowly things will get easier. Do not think anything is wrong with you if aren't full healed and ready to date. Its natural and normal. That feeling of rejection and pain will slowly fade...just make sure you maintain NC and do not try to force and rush the process. Its a marathon not a race. You're going to do amazing - trust me. 1
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 pain is meant to be your teacher. so you don't repeat your mistakes in the next relationship. stop resisting, start accepting. it will pass.
jbelle6 Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 I agree with others, it's only been 3 days!!! I am at 4 weeks no contact and honestly, it feels good, especially compared to the first week. I don't wake up with "that" feeling of panic at all anymore. When you get that, like you said, come on here. Refuse to think you won't get over her, she is human and flawed like the rest of us and not some prize. Remember other times you were heartbroken and thought you would die, and remember you got over it and met new people. Make sure that your no contact really means no contact, no facebook or trying to find out what she's up to, nothing. If you start to get that sinking feeling, work out. It's amazing how that lifts the mood, added side effect of looking and feeling great. I think talking to women was good advice. It will feel good for you to know there are plenty of attractive women that are interested in you. You don't have to look for a relationship but dates are fun. I love to read but couldn't concentrate well enough at first to do it, so went online and found TV series and movies I had missed and had those for those nights that sleep just won't come. I changed the ringer on my phone cause for some reason the old sound would trigger things since he was the one who contacted me there the most. Let go of hope, reconciliation you will discover quickly, is very rare, and temporary at best in most cases. Once you let go of those thoughts, that's when no contact becomes a lot easier. Those are some things that I remember for now, I hope some can help you as well. You'll be fine, promise! 1
deathandtaxes Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 There is no fast. You're looking for a shortcut when there is not one to be found. There are definitely ways to prolong it, like breaking NC, etc. What's the rush? Life isn't meant to be all ****ing sunshine and kittens everyday. Life has to suck, or the good won't mean a damn thing. And you won't know how much time it will take. I had a fun, crazy, short relationship last Summer. It lasted over three months. I think it took six months to completely get over it. Which means I can now think about her and our history and not miss her, not want to contact her, not feel pain, etc. Enjoy the pain. BE THE PAIN. 1
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