tobe1424 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 So my girlfriend of 5 years has dumped me because she is not happy. she says she wants space. However, I am sure she is out meeting other people and yet she still calls me to see how I am doing. It hasn't been more than 2 days that she doesn't reach out to me regarding something else other than the relationship. Today I officially started NC after I had a terrible breakdown last night. she said she still loves me, but that she isn't inlove with me the way she wants to be. I have to say it has been a bumpy road and that I have changed in many ways for myself first and for our future as a family. However, I just dont know what to do. Her last text message to me was "so your going to ignore me now" as if she knows what I am doing since last night I was on the phone trying to "fix" us but it just seems to annoy her. Why do some say that NC doesn't work if you want to get her back? And then some say it's the only way to get her back. ::sigh:: thx t 1
JahnJahn Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I dont know for sure, I have never tried NC before. I have had breakups and they just happened to fade away. From what I gather, NC is not meant to get your ex back. Its meant for us to heal. The confusion we get from contacting our ex's will always have us stuck in limbo. We will never truly move on. It also helps you get a perspective and see things for what they truly are, you think more logically and you start to love yourself much more (I have not reached the stage where I truly appreciate who I am, but I personally; since starting to go out to the gym and making an effort to meet new people, feel more confident and start to understand how aweseome I am). Its a bumpy road, its not a straight up feeling good road, its filled with bumps as many of us would tell you (even a few days in). Its not really the best way to get your ex back, its the best chance for it to happen. There are better people to explain this but thats how I see it. Im still not over my ex and I have days like today where I am completely numbed by emotions, but at the end of the day I always realise I need to heal and this will make me stronger as a person and as a partner to whoever I meet next. If it will be her again or someone new is not important, just that I love myself and make myself happy rather than rely on someone else. Thats my 2cents. TLDR? NC is not meant to get your ex back, simply help you move on and become a better person. However, it is the best chance you have to get them back. Someone else here with more experience will weigh in im sure. 1
FredJones80 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 she is not happy she said she still loves me, but that she isn't inlove with me She's seeing someone else or there is someone else on the scene who she wants to see which is why she has left you. Sorry. 2
Lizie29 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Stay NC but for the good reasons .. Im a woman and trust me begging will only make her distant from you even more she knows that u still want to be with her so if the feeling is mutual she will eventually come back . Dont sit around and wait for her .. Show her that u can be an independant man and next thing u know she will be crying to have u back in her life . And if not theres something better waiting for you , you probably dont wanna hear this but it's true . So NC u can do it and will feel alot better with yourself ! Good luck
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Tell her you are avoiding her because it is the only way you can move on and in order for you to be happy, healthy and a functioning member of society (she should want this for you) she needs to respect it. 2
Author tobe1424 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 so i ran into her today and tried to act as cool as possible. I did tell her how I do see a few areas that I need to work on.. i said this when the conversation led to the relationship part. She simply reiterated and said how she just want to worry about her self. And how at the moment she is not seeing anyone, but that she can very well meet someone today tomorrow or a year from now..and the same goes for me. She basically said things that would confuse me with respect to the fact that she still loves me. But that she was tired of been unhappy and wants to focus on herself. I also have this feeling she is sort of seeing someone else as a rebound or to keep me off her mind. But I guess you guys are right.. i should stick with the NC but if she does reach out to me. i don't want to blow her off completely as i feel like I am ruining any chance i have. Should i at least keep it sexual/flirtatious and short so that she doesn't even come across the whole "friendship" phase?
FredJones80 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 she said she still loves me, but that she isn't inlove with me "I Love You but I'm Not in Love With You" #justsayin 2
flitzanu Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 So my girlfriend of 5 years has dumped me because she is not happy. she says she wants space. However, I am sure she is out meeting other people and yet she still calls me to see how I am doing. It hasn't been more than 2 days that she doesn't reach out to me regarding something else other than the relationship. Today I officially started NC after I had a terrible breakdown last night. she said she still loves me, but that she isn't inlove with me the way she wants to be. I have to say it has been a bumpy road and that I have changed in many ways for myself first and for our future as a family. However, I just dont know what to do. Her last text message to me was "so your going to ignore me now" as if she knows what I am doing since last night I was on the phone trying to "fix" us but it just seems to annoy her. Why do some say that NC doesn't work if you want to get her back? And then some say it's the only way to get her back. ::sigh:: thx t NC is not a "tool". NC is to help YOU heal. you don't "initiate" it, you just do it. stop communicating with her, she's told you multiple times now that she isn't in love with you and does not want to be with you. that's clear language as to where you stand. if you continue talking you're only furthering your own misery and denial.
Elle1975 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 She clearly spells it out.. it's over. She still wants her little unbilical cord attached to you, as this new world is a scary place. The minute she feels ready to be on her own, or meets someone else, she'll cut the cord, and you will be left with nothing but a destroyed self esteem. Nc is hard because it intensifies the feeling of loss, at first. You still hope. Right now you try to read into her passive aggressive bs comment. Might be that she loves me.. thats what you hope for. Well.. wake the hell up! I have done NC before, got an ex back thanks to it actually, but I did not do it to get him back. Hell I didn't even know what NC was. It was over so what the heck.. I cut all contacts. I am in nc now. It blows sometimes, but it blows a lot less than being in contact with him or looking at a new gf's pic on whatever media he'd use. Sooo... up to you, your choice. By experience, I'd go Nc. 1
lovehurtsme91 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 It's hard and yes its a bumpy road. Your feelings will feel like a roller coaster too. But like everyone above have been saying, NC is meant for you to heal. Is for you to heal and pick yourself up and see yourself without your partner. Of course when it first happened, it's not easy... But you have to. Stop contacting her, stop stalking her on her social media (if you are). It isn't easy but you have to have that will power to do that. Whether NC will help you get her back, no one has a definite answer - everyone is different. I would suggest for you to go NC with the intention to heal and be a better person rather than focusing on doing NC to win her back. Cos if it doesn't, you would feel all down again because you had that hope of wanting her back. It wouldn't do you any good, I'm afraid.
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