Author Keenly Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 How so? I'm not a native speaker. Idk why this is so hard. You had four dates. I think a text BU is fine esp. looking at how immature she behaved. Ofc you could call, but it doesn't look like you owe each other very much. Maybe you want to be more detailed why you're not interested anymore? Figure out what information you want to convey. Just the fact that it's over? Or do you want to give her reasons? Are you secretly looking for a reaction and need something provocative? What's the purpose of your text? The purpose of the text is to make me not feel a little suffocated ( suffocated by the lack of desire to see her when plans are made. I was not really looking forward to last night, I kind of just wanted to relax alone at home instead. ) I don't want to tell her why unless she specifically asks. I don't want to provoke her, I'm not like that.
serial muse Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 If we are going by hypocrisy, wouldn't I still be a hypocrite if I called her on the phone? I mean if people agree that the phone is better, I can make a call. The problem is that I can express my thoughts much better through a text. It might seem a little.... robotic over the phone. But what do you guys think, phone call or text message? Honestly, yeah, kinda. I mean in that other thread you told the OP that 3 weeks was long enough for a face-to-face breakup. I understand your point about the drive, but then the phone is next best. You may prefer to do it via text (as that woman did too, for very good reasons that had to do with the guy having a history of strong emotional manipulation in such situations, remember) but I thought your point to her was about what's kinder to the breakee. So, from that standpoint, your comfort zone isn't the priority, right? Any more than it was for that other poster. That's the hypocrisy that you can address. 8
umirano Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 The purpose of the text is to make me not feel a little suffocated ( suffocated by the lack of desire to see her when plans are made. I was not really looking forward to last night, I kind of just wanted to relax alone at home instead. ) Huh? Do you feel a little suffocated from that one particular date or do you not want to be with her ever? Either way, then just tell her it's over and leave the good luck bit if that's more to your liking I don't want to tell her why unless she specifically asks. I don't want to provoke her, I'm not like that. Sure, I was just wondering. But then you just briefly tell her you don't see it going anywhere. If you don't give her a reason and she saw anything at all in you and if she's a little brave she is likely to come back and ask you why. That's not under your control. Maybe it's a good idea to think of a reason if you don't feel like disappearing on her. Not sure if that's worth the effort after four dates though.
Author Keenly Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Honestly, yeah, kinda. I mean in that other thread you told the OP that 3 weeks was long enough for a face-to-face breakup. I understand your point about the drive, but then the phone is next best. You may prefer to do it via text (as that woman did too, for very good reasons that had to do with the guy having a history of strong emotional manipulation in such situations, remember) but I thought your point to her was about what's kinder to the breakee. So, from that standpoint, your comfort zone isn't the priority, right? Any more than it was for that other poster. That's the hypocrisy that you can address. I'd love to do it face to face, but this presents two possible outcomes. I'm very busy for the next two weeks. I would not be able to drive to her , as our scheduled don't line up. I can either basically lead her on for two weeks, or she can drive to me so that I can kick her out when she gets her. Either of those are not fair to her, but I feel the lesser of the evils is to call or text her. She deserves to know.
martaldn Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 So you think I should make her drive an hour and a half for me to kick her out as soon as he gets here? Different situations. Also I'm pretty sure in that case, they saw each other more than 4 times, which is all I've seen her. yes i think you should drive there.. and talk to her face to face. even if the case not the same ( they are never the same ) you are actually advising someone to do something that in her shoes you wouldn't do. 3
Author Keenly Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 yes i think you should drive there.. and talk to her face to face. even if the case not the same ( they are never the same ) you are actually advising someone to do something that in her shoes you wouldn't do. If she lived in the same city that I did, this would be the ideal. She lives far away, and I have previous commitments until about the 18th. If I drove.to see her, I'd have to lead her on for another 2 weeks by default. Should I really do that? Is that favor to her?
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 If phone is indeed an option, I would encourage you to do this rather than send a text. Don't be that guy. 3
d0nnivain Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Keenly -- on LS you seem to be one of the good guys. Please don't ruin that by breaking up with someone via text. It's cold & cowardly & you're not that guy. I'd drive to her but then again I flew 3000 miles to break up with somebody in California when it was time for me to end that. If you are really dead set against the in person dissolution, at least call her on the phone. 5
somedude81 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Breaking up over text is just the weakest thing you can possibly do. If you can't be bothered to drive and meet her halfway then just pick up the phone and call her. Just think of talking on the phone only something that is used for super important conversations. 3
CaliBabe Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 If you can, try to do it in person. I realize it can be a bit of a pain, but its the right thing to do. 1
Author Keenly Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Keenly -- on LS you seem to be one of the good guys. Please don't ruin that by breaking up with someone via text. It's cold & cowardly & you're not that guy. I'd drive to her but then again I flew 3000 miles to break up with somebody in California when it was time for me to end that. If you are really dead set against the in person dissolution, at least call her on the phone. I really don't want to have to post this again. So I'll make this the last time. I can't drive to her for two weeks. If I can get everyone here to come to a mutual agreement between either texting her, calling her, OR waiting two weeks pretending everything is okay, making fake plans with her so I can drive up and then drop the news on her, I'll do whatever the most ethical decision is. Right now we are leaning more towards the phone call as a medium between the decisions. 1
lollipopspot Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Right now we are leaning more towards the phone call as a medium between the decisions. Yes, strongly recommend the phone call over the text. 1
CaliGypsy Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Go with the call. I understand totally that expressing yourself in writing might be easier, but the call will be more personal and allow for immediate feedback. You don't get the subtleties of voice inflection and intent in print. Which is also why in person (body language)would have been your best option had it been available. I do understand your not wanting to lead her on for two more weeks when you already know it's not working out for you. Just be as honest and tactful as possible. 1
serial muse Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Yes - as I said in my post, phone is the next best thing to in person, and far better than a text. 1
Author Keenly Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Either people are not reading the thread, or they don't understand my thought process here. With the driving to her to do it, in two weeks, it feels wrong for me to wait that long. It feels wrong to me because I either have to A) completely ignore her, which is even more unfair, or B) I have to pretend like nothing is wrong for two weeks, thus leading her on, making her think everything is peachy keen when it really isn't. I'm not one to let an issue or problem stand. I confront and handle it immediately. I have several orthopedic appointments to determine whether or not I'll need foot surgery between now and then, and my work hours are the exact opposite of her work hours, so the earliest I'd be able to see her is the 19th or the 20th. Is it fair to make her wait that long , favor for me to hold on to this information about the conclusion I have reached for that long? I personally don't think that it is, but that's why we have this forum. Seriously, don't just say " do it in person ' because that's only addressing half of that issue. If you personally think doing it in person is the best option, include your advice as to what to do while I sit on my hands with the conclusion I've come to. Do I ignore her or pretend like nothings wrong? Include that part and then we can have the discussion as to why in person is better than the phone I'm this specific circumstance. Thank you all for your considerations. I hope to hear more with more specific information.
serial muse Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Either people are not reading the thread, or they don't understand my thought process here. With the driving to her to do it, in two weeks, it feels wrong for me to wait that long. It feels wrong to me because I either have to A) completely ignore her, which is even more unfair, or B) I have to pretend like nothing is wrong for two weeks, thus leading her on, making her think everything is peachy keen when it really isn't. I'm not one to let an issue or problem stand. I confront and handle it immediately. I have several orthopedic appointments to determine whether or not I'll need foot surgery between now and then, and my work hours are the exact opposite of her work hours, so the earliest I'd be able to see her is the 19th or the 20th. Is it fair to make her wait that long , favor for me to hold on to this information about the conclusion I have reached for that long? I personally don't think that it is, but that's why we have this forum. Seriously, don't just say " do it in person ' because that's only addressing half of that issue. If you personally think doing it in person is the best option, include your advice as to what to do while I sit on my hands with the conclusion I've come to. Do I ignore her or pretend like nothings wrong? Include that part and then we can have the discussion as to why in person is better than the phone I'm this specific circumstance. Thank you all for your considerations. I hope to hear more with more specific information. The heck? Everybody said to go ahead and call. 4
Author Keenly Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 The heck? Everybody said to go ahead and call. Not everyone that was for the people that say do it in person. I want to make sure they have all the information and can give a complete answer for their advice. I need yo be sure we are all on the same page with the same information. I can only perform this action once lol. That's all. I just want to do the right thing, and unfortunately the right thing is ALWAYS a huge pain in the rear.
April Moon Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I think a phone call is best for this situation. 1
Author Keenly Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Is something like Skype a consideration? Possibly. Quite possibly yes.
clia Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Honestly, if you've only been out with her four times, haven't had sex, aren't exclusive, and have always communicated by text, I think sending a text is fine. 4
d0nnivain Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I said, in person is best but since you can't do that, call. I haven't read anyone telling you to text.
Author Keenly Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Honestly, if you've only been out with her four times, haven't had sex, aren't exclusive, and have always communicated by text, I think sending a text is fine. All statements about our interactions are correct.
lollipopspot Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Possibly. Quite possibly yes. I might consider Skype to be just about up there with in person, in your circumstance with the distance between you. You could text her - I have something to talk to you about that I'd like to do in person but can't get there for awhile and I don't want to ask you to drive - can you get on Skype or set a time... She might press you for details in the text, or say she'll come, bet just insist on getting on Skype. That's my thought. See if others have some feedback.
writergal Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Dude did you recently have your ball sac removed and donated to science??!? What's wrong with you Keenly? Did you suddenly start a prescription of female hormones? Do you need a shot of testosterone? A punch in the face? A signed, faxed, and notorized LoveShack official document from all the members here that clearly states WHAT KEENLY SHOULD DO IN THE EVENT OF A RELATIONSHIP BREAKUP, Herewithsignedthereofnotorizedbytherightpeople... Stop stalling and CALL HER. I think I need to get another shot of Caribou LSD... Not everyone that was for the people that say do it in person. I want to make sure they have all the information and can give a complete answer for their advice. I need yo be sure we are all on the same page with the same information. I can only perform this action once lol. That's all. I just want to do the right thing, and unfortunately the right thing is ALWAYS a huge pain in the rear. 1
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