bulldogz Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Just curious to hear actual accounts of this. Like, in situations where nothing terrible happened, like cheating, violence, stealing, etc... Like, if the person liked you enough to be in a relatioship with you, does it follow that they will like you enough to have a platonic friendship? I realize that the practicality of this depends on a bunch of things, and it is not advised if one person isn't "over" the other, etc. Not thinking necessarily about my last ex, but thinking it would be fun to go to a bar in a few weeks and watch tennis with my one ex from a few years ago.
JustC Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I have. Usually, it ended up with the ex deciding fairly quickly that he didn't want to really just be "friends". Once, it was truly as friends but as soon as they get a SO it's kind of worthless because hardly anyone dating you is okay with you hanging out with your ex. I have ONE guy I'm actually friends with and we only dated a month and he's chronically single. 1
David87 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 If that ex really loved you she wont accept being your platonic friend. She will accept only if she wasnt that invested in the relationship.
lovehurtsme91 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 my ex and i broke up after a 1.5 years relationship some time ago, we are still good friends now. both of us moved on and we still hang out with our mutual friends. i suppose if both have really moved on, i don't see why it isn't possible
littleplanet Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I think it depends entirely on the relationship. If it was stormy, if it ends badly - chances are this won't work. Personally, my experience has been to maintain contact with a certain number of exes - the ones with whom this works......and some of them go back a long, long way. (I still maintain contact with my first two girlfriends.) That goes back all the way to high school. And how is my current SO with this? Fine. Because I don't ever maintain contact with anyone with whom either one of us is interested in anything other than friendship. But that's why the contact is maintained. The friendship makes sense. I look at it as a sort of vote of confidence: that you didn't trash anyone's life......and they didn't trash yours. You just move on, let go, and in time, are strong enough to share something positive again with that person, without needing to add romance into the picture all over again. They have their life. You have yours. And I'm not describing something necessarily dispassionate here..... The emphasis is on friendship. (And a connection back to who you used to be. Historical framework.) I can think of a number of times when I've acted as an advisor, confidant - to exes. Because I know what makes them tick. And there have been a few times when they have returned the favor. I don't know what it is...... I suppose if I could bottle it, I'd be rich! But perhaps the key to it is that there just is very little animosity. (or none at all.) I can say, this only works with the ones with whom there was a strong bond of friendship to begin with (as well as romance.) How common is it? Oddly enough - I have quite a few friends who operate this way. (Maybe that was a criteria in choosing friends.)
Author bulldogz Posted June 7, 2014 Author Posted June 7, 2014 Well, the thing is that I know me and my ex fundamentally had a dysfunctional romantic relationship. However, we did have a great time together, and really good discussions, etc. I would like to keep this person as a friend. I just don't know how to reach out to her, when (it's been four months), and realize she may very well say "no" or ignore me.
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