BHart Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Wife of 26 years caught me with gay porn two years ago. I admitted I find men (and women) sexually attractive. We patched things up in that respect, but for the past six years, we have not had sex. Partly due to hysterectomy/lessened sexual desire on her part, partly due to weight gain on my part. The porn bust didn't help. Now, though, when we argue, she slings these vicious comments about being 'just roommates'. I chose, before marriage, the hetero life. I don't have sex with men and my queer activities are limited to two drunken masturbatory encounters (not to climax) with two friends a year before I got married. But the 'roommates' thing makes me think it's been over since she discovered my secret vice. Should I keep hanging on, or should I end it? We still have our loving moments, but we're nearing 50 and things have long since cooled off. She does not turn me off. I don't want to be alone, though, by leaving her. I don't have any men I'm seeing and wouldn't run into the queer life anyway, risky as it is with STDs/HIV. But I don't know how much weight to give the 'roommates' comments; they are only uttered in the heat of the moment of argument, but without physical intimacy, which I crave and miss, I just don't know if we still have a marriage. Sorry for rambling, but I'm very confused.
d0nnivain Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Have you tried marriage counseling or a sex therapist? If you would really rather be with a man then a woman, divorce is your only option
Elle1975 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Wife of 26 years caught me with gay porn two years ago. I admitted I find men (and women) sexually attractive. We patched things up in that respect, but for the past six years, we have not had sex. Partly due to hysterectomy/lessened sexual desire on her part, partly due to weight gain on my part. The porn bust didn't help. Now, though, when we argue, she slings these vicious comments about being 'just roommates'. I chose, before marriage, the hetero life. I don't have sex with men and my queer activities are limited to two drunken masturbatory encounters (not to climax) with two friends a year before I got married. But the 'roommates' thing makes me think it's been over since she discovered my secret vice. Should I keep hanging on, or should I end it? We still have our loving moments, but we're nearing 50 and things have long since cooled off. She does not turn me off. I don't want to be alone, though, by leaving her. I don't have any men I'm seeing and wouldn't run into the queer life anyway, risky as it is with STDs/HIV. But I don't know how much weight to give the 'roommates' comments; they are only uttered in the heat of the moment of argument, but without physical intimacy, which I crave and miss, I just don't know if we still have a marriage. Sorry for rambling, but I'm very confused. Do you guys go to church? Is there anybody who could be a mediator? It seems like communication is tough for the two of you. It also seems like you still love your wife; is it the case?
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Have you tried marriage counseling or a sex therapist? If you would really rather be with a man then a woman, divorce is your only option This. You need professional counseling. Not a bunch of armchair therapists (myself included!) advising you on your marriage.
Author BHart Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 I think I got what I came here for... which is, that since I still love my wife and do not want a relationship with a man (which for me has no future but a life of loneliness), we should return to church and seek professional counseling if that doesn't help. You know, I used to believe that if I had God in the center, all else fell into place. Guess I forgot that somewhere along the line. Thanks for the wisdom and understanding! 2
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