Cheerbabe93 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Alright so my boyfriend dumped me back in February, so it has been 5 months now. He broke up with me over text. I immediately started NC for 4 weeks. After NC we started talking again, he told me he didn't "replace" me and he kept saying things like he will always secretly want me blah blah blah. (we are long distance by the way because he is in the military) I never text him first since we broke up, he's always the one initiating a conversation. Sometimes we end up talking all day, sometimes we go a week without contact at all. It is very confusing to me because when he texts me he almost acts as if we are still together, constantly tells me how much he misses me and that he wishes i would come visit him (which I will not do because i mean, how stupid does he think i am right?) Anyways, I really wanna tell him that i still have feelings for him even though i can slowly feel myself falling out of love with him. but i want to tell him that i don't/ can't be just friends but each time we Skype and i wanna tell him i simply can't do it. its like i get scared and those words will simply not come out. Why? Also should i believe him when he says he misses me? we were together for two years and the reason he broke up with me was because of our 8 year age difference (he's 29, I'm 21) he got very frustrated with me still living at home and not having my degree and a stable job with a good income yet. i told him those things take time and that i am working on it since i am going to university but its like he expected me to be on the same level as him even though when he was 21 he was still living at home too. Im not even sure what Im asking here actually, sorry
April Moon Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) Hi Op! I think NC is the best thing for you. I think you are trying to move on but he keeps pulling you back and confuses you. It seems to me the he is just stringing you along. He might miss you but he isn't doing anything to get back with you... Which is not okay. If he wants to be with you he will let you know. Kudos to you for trying to better yourself at a university. You are right! It does take time to establish yourself! You on no way should be on the same level as him career wise. My best advice would be to do NC and work on your studies and career. This way you can clear your head about if you really wan to be with him or not while still becoming a better you! Best of luck!! Edited June 2, 2014 by April Moon Spelling
me85 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I'm right there with ya girl. Tell him you can't be his friend and that you hope he understands. You'll hear from him more most likely so you may want to block him after. However, my ego forbids me from blocking. lol I still love my ex very much & know he still loves me too, he just doesn't love me enough. If you let them have their cake and eat it too they will. So we can't allow that!!! 2
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 Hi Op! I think NC is the best thing for you. I think you are trying to move on but he keeps pulling you back and confuses you. It seems to me the he is just stringing you along. He might miss you but he isn't doing anything to get back with you... Which is not okay. If he wants to be with you he will let you know. Kudos to you for trying to better yourself at a university. You are right! It does take time to establish yourself! You on no way should be on the same level as him career wise. My best advice would be to do NC and work on your studies and career. This way you can clear your head about if you really wan to be with him or not while still becoming a better you! Best of luck!! thank you for your answer (: i am just scared of really moving on i guess because i think deep down, even though i know i deserve someone better, i hope we will somehow get back together and stay together for good. I'm scared that if i tell him i can't be friends with him he will just be like ok cool and never talks to me ever again. and i don't want that either. i know it doesn't make any sense but ugh. and yes, thank you for thinking that its ok for me to not be on the same level as him. he was always complaining that i need to grow up and take care of myself. he wanted me to move out and get my own apartment but it doesn't make sense for me right now because my parents house is in the same city as my university so why should i move out and spend money if i don't have to right? and he would complain that i don't have a career yet. i know that compared to a 29 year old woman i look very very bad and i can't compete but for some reason he didn't want to accept that i am not behind, i am where i should be for a 21 year old. at least in my opinion.
April Moon Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I know how that feels!! I was soo worried that if I gave up on my ex that he would just be like that's cool and move on. What I didn't realize at the time was that I cared about him way more than he did me and that is why I had those fears. One day, I decided I was worth more and so I stopped texting and contacting him. You know what? He has never reached out to me since that time. It hurt so much in the beginning... But now I'm dating a military man that cares about me as much as I did him(and this feels soo much better than worrying about a jerk). You sound like you are in a better place than me at the time so I really believe you can do it too! Haha I too lived in the same town as my college and just recently moved out of my parents home! College is sooo expensive! Don't waste money on things you don't have to! I think it is annoying that he didn't understand your perspective (because you make perfect sense). Just go NC and keep doing what you are doing! Trust me it is worth it
Author Cheerbabe93 Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 I know how that feels!! I was soo worried that if I gave up on my ex that he would just be like that's cool and move on. What I didn't realize at the time was that I cared about him way more than he did me and that is why I had those fears. One day, I decided I was worth more and so I stopped texting and contacting him. You know what? He has never reached out to me since that time. It hurt so much in the beginning... But now I'm dating a military man that cares about me as much as I did him(and this feels soo much better than worrying about a jerk). You sound like you are in a better place than me at the time so I really believe you can do it too! Haha I too lived in the same town as my college and just recently moved out of my parents home! College is sooo expensive! Don't waste money on things you don't have to! I think it is annoying that he didn't understand your perspective (because you make perfect sense). Just go NC and keep doing what you are doing! Trust me it is worth it thank you yea i believe it will be easier for me if we don't talk anymore. at least for a while because he still calls me babe and baby too. its way too confusing and it hurts too because he acts as if we are together but i know were not. idk i guess ill tell him that i gotta move on.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 thank you yea i believe it will be easier for me if we don't talk anymore. at least for a while because he still calls me babe and baby too. its way too confusing and it hurts too because he acts as if we are together but i know were not. idk i guess ill tell him that i gotta move on. Don't tell him, just stop responding. If you tell him you're "moving on" he'll sweettalk you enough to where you agree to keep talking to him. You need to just go silent completely -- block his number. No declarations, just disappear.
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