RN14 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Background: Been seeing this guy for 4 months now. We are not officially dating but we are exclusive with sex (which in my opinion kind of means intimacy) about a week ago. He moved 8.5 hours away about 3 weeks ago. Well we have been texting everyday and talked on the phone like 4-5 times with the last time being this past Tuesday. Background on me: I was verbally abused and neglected as a child. In relationships I get scared sometimes and overreact because I get very scared of losing people. Of doing something wrong that will make them not want to be with me or love me. My issue (not so much his or our relationship) and I am in counseling for it. I have told him about it and typically he is good about helping me calm down when I need to. Well I was feeling pretty vulnerable after counseling on Thursday and I needed reassurance from him. He said we could chat on the phone either that night or the next. Well I got mad at him because we couldn't chat that night. The next day I was still feeling uneasy and I texted him a long message telling him I can see a good future for us if we can continue to grow and asking if he thought he could see a future with me (I feel like he should at least have an idea if he would ever want to date by now). I basically just told him I needed a little reassurance. Well he didn’t respond to me at all on Friday or text me on Saturday. I texted him on Sunday and he responded twice basically telling me all of the things he did over the weekend but never acknowledged my previous text and didn’t respond to my last one about whether he still wants me to come visit in July sent right around 2100 (I need let me work know before he leaves for annual army training on Friday- they actually gave me a week past the deadline to get the request in). He got out of a serious relationship two months before we met. I am guessing he is taking things slow because of that especially since he has trust issue; however, he has never said this to me, it’s me guessing. I don’t need the relationship defined but just the reassurance it is going somewhere. He has told me that he hates texting and shuts down when he is stressed. Am I overanalyzing his lack of communication here or is he pulling away? Should I just give him some space?
Conners Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Background: Been seeing this guy for 4 months now. We are not officially dating but we are exclusive with sex (which in my opinion kind of means intimacy) about a week ago. He moved 8.5 hours away about 3 weeks ago. Well we have been texting everyday and talked on the phone like 4-5 times with the last time being this past Tuesday. Background on me: I was verbally abused and neglected as a child. In relationships I get scared sometimes and overreact because I get very scared of losing people. Of doing something wrong that will make them not want to be with me or love me. My issue (not so much his or our relationship) and I am in counseling for it. I have told him about it and typically he is good about helping me calm down when I need to. Well I was feeling pretty vulnerable after counseling on Thursday and I needed reassurance from him. He said we could chat on the phone either that night or the next. Well I got mad at him because we couldn't chat that night. The next day I was still feeling uneasy and I texted him a long message telling him I can see a good future for us if we can continue to grow and asking if he thought he could see a future with me (I feel like he should at least have an idea if he would ever want to date by now). I basically just told him I needed a little reassurance. Well he didn’t respond to me at all on Friday or text me on Saturday. I texted him on Sunday and he responded twice basically telling me all of the things he did over the weekend but never acknowledged my previous text and didn’t respond to my last one about whether he still wants me to come visit in July sent right around 2100 (I need let me work know before he leaves for annual army training on Friday- they actually gave me a week past the deadline to get the request in). He got out of a serious relationship two months before we met. I am guessing he is taking things slow because of that especially since he has trust issue; however, he has never said this to me, it’s me guessing. I don’t need the relationship defined but just the reassurance it is going somewhere. He has told me that he hates texting and shuts down when he is stressed. Am I overanalyzing his lack of communication here or is he pulling away? Should I just give him some space? To be honest, you sound very needy if you constantly need reassurance. It also concerns me that you are not officially in a relationship after 4 months, surely after that long that conversation would of been brought up? If it has and he doesn't want a relationship then that would be a concern - especially since you are messaging him about your future together which could potentially scare him off. He already told you he hates texting, don't bombard him. It's hard to say whether he is pulling away - he very well might be. Only advice to give you is to back off a little and don't be so clingy.
travelbug1996 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Yes please give him a lot of space. You are being needy and it turns people off. Let him come to you.
Keenly Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Don't ever get mad at a guy because he isn't able to talk or chat when you want to. Its very demanding.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Yes, I think he is pulling back. And yes, give him some space. I would be concerned that you're not on the same page with each other, relationship-wise. It seems to me that you're approaching this as an actual relationship, whereas he might not be. Why are you not officially together after four months? If neither of you wants a commitment, then it's all good. But I get the sense that's not the case.
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