bubblesbursted Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 To those who are not familiar with my story. Break up happened in Jan. Been almost 5 months. I am most definitely over him (according to me). I have been in strict NC but last month I had to contact him regarding this new venture, he was a part of. We had a formal to the point conversation after approximately 4.5 months. And I can happily say I didn't feel a thing. He has to make a website for my new venture. I told him everything I wanted in it and he said he would do it in June first week. But as I was finishing the conversation, he asked if it was possible to meet up and "discuss" this topic further since he couldn't properly understand the requirement. Also, I asked him how much he will charge us for coding and all, he said he wont take money from me but I insisted since I didn't want anything friendly from him so he agreed on a minimal charge after a lot of persistence. I talked to my business partner aka my best friend regarding the same and she asked me to go ahead and meet up to discuss business. I asked her to go instead but she said she cant since she has no clue about the designing and it is my responsibility so I need to go. Ex said he would meet me on 6th or 7th whatever suits me. Now, I am confused. I want all this meet to be business only. So I am not sure what to do. I was thinking of taking one of my friends along. But isnt taking friend along to meet him would make me a coward or give him a feeling that I am still stuck on him. Also, even my friends agree that I have changed alot since my breakup. I have lost tons of weight and I have started acting more like a girl ( I was a tomboy pre BU). Now, I try to make myself look good every time I go out. But if i go out to meet him wont it give a wrong signal to him? I am asking this because he is way too cocky and self absorbed person who thinks the world revolves around him. I am just confused about all this. This is all new for me. Can anybody suggest what should I do that wont be considered as giving a wrong signal of reconciliation. Because trust me when I say, I dont want to reconcile.
Summerrose2013 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 is this your first face to face meeting since you split up? I felt NOTHING when I saw my ex last week - felt good - evenn as he walked away - never ever look back - just stick to business. Are you sure you have to even deal with him? you're not subconsciously using thsi as an excuse to keep up contact (we've all done that, I'm not being negative towards you...) 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 is this your first face to face meeting since you split up? I felt NOTHING when I saw my ex last week - felt good - evenn as he walked away - never ever look back - just stick to business. Are you sure you have to even deal with him? you're not subconsciously using thsi as an excuse to keep up contact (we've all done that, I'm not being negative towards you...) Hey! Yes its my first face to face meeting since the BU. I really understand what you are trying to say but I am sure its not me trying to just make contact. Its been alot of time where I could have but I didn't. I do know I didn't feel a thing when I talked to him last week for like 5-10 mints on text. He was being over friendly and all. But I was surprised at my own reaction 1
Zahara Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I think talking over the phone and meeting in person are two different things. Being in close proximity that way can bear differently on how you feel. I'm not sure if 5 months of NC is enough for you to have built a level of indifference but if you have to see this guy, then you act like you would act when you are going to any business meeting. You dress like you would dress to any business meeting. You present yourself as you would at any business meeting. It doesn't matter if he thinks you wore the suit to impress him. It doesn't matter if he thinks you have a new hairstyle because you're meeting him. The task at hand FOR YOU is to get the work done. You are worried about giving him the wrong signals that you may want reconciliation? There is no need to worry about his perceptions as to signals you are giving as long as you know how to carry yourself professionally and implement the boundaries of a business meeting. 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 I think talking over the phone and meeting in person are two different things. Being in close proximity that way can bear differently on how you feel. I'm not sure if 5 months of NC is enough for you to have built a level of indifference but if you have to see this guy, then you act like you would act when you are going to any business meeting. You dress like you would dress to any business meeting. You present yourself as you would at any business meeting. It doesn't matter if he thinks you wore the suit to impress him. It doesn't matter if he thinks you have a new hairstyle because you're meeting him. The task at hand FOR YOU is to get the work done. You are worried about giving him the wrong signals that you may want reconciliation? There is no need to worry about his perceptions as to signals you are giving as long as you know how to carry yourself professionally and implement the boundaries of a business meeting. Thank you Zahara I was actually really worried about giving out wrong signals. But I guess you are right, whatever he thinks doesn't matter as long as I know what I want. I am going to meet him with just my new venture in my mind. My new venture is my baby! And I dont want this stupid relationship we had to mess this up.
Zahara Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Thank you Zahara I was actually really worried about giving out wrong signals. But I guess you are right, whatever he thinks doesn't matter as long as I know what I want. I am going to meet him with just my new venture in my mind. My new venture is my baby! And I dont want this stupid relationship we had to mess this up. Whether you walk in there wearing a sack or a $300 suit, he is going to be who he is because he feels you may still be emotional about him. He thinks he still holds power over you. The signals you put out are of confidence and professionalism. That's it. If he brings anything up about the past, you cut him short and tell him that you are not interested in communicating about anything except for what is at hand, and you then go back to discussing work. If after the meeting he starts talking about the past, you again keep to your boundary. If he asks you to go out for a drink, you know what to do. 3
Author bubblesbursted Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 Whether you walk in there wearing a sack or a $300 suit, he is going to be who he is because he feels you may still be emotional about him. He thinks he still holds power over you. The signals you put out are of confidence and professionalism. That's it. If he brings anything up about the past, you cut him short and tell him that you are not interested in communicating about anything except for what is at hand, and you then go back to discussing work. If after the meeting he starts talking about the past, you again keep to your boundary. If he asks you to go out for a drink, you know what to do. Thank you Zahara. I will keep my head straight. He has no power over me anymore. Thank you for helping me out! 3
JustC Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Maybe push your best friend/ business partner into being there anyways? Not as a business partner but as a friend. She may have no idea what's going on but she could be insurance to keep the conversation on track. 2
harrybrown Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Why not bring along your new boyfriend with you? He looks just like a movie star and that handsome guy may keep the conversation all about business. 1
jphcbpa Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Thank you Zahara I was actually really worried about giving out wrong signals. But I guess you are right, whatever he thinks doesn't matter as long as I know what I want. I am going to meet him with just my new venture in my mind. My new venture is my baby! And I dont want this stupid relationship we had to mess this up. show up looking amazing with a glow and aura of love and peace around you. 2
d0nnivain Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Wear business attire. Keep the discussion on topic & leave when you have concluded your business. 1
stillafool Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 How long will the meeting be? If it's a half hour or less I don't see anything wrong with taking a friend with you because as far as he knows you two could have plans to go out after the meeting. I think if you show up with someone he will definitely get the message that you have no thoughts whatsoever to be alone with him. 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Maybe push your best friend/ business partner into being there anyways? Not as a business partner but as a friend. She may have no idea what's going on but she could be insurance to keep the conversation on track. I will do that. I am sure she wouldn't mind. :/ Why not bring along your new boyfriend with you? He looks just like a movie star and that handsome guy may keep the conversation all about business. Hahah. Well, I dont still have a new boyfriend. So no chance there buddy. But if thats the case, then should I ask one of my male friends to go with me or something? How long will the meeting be? If it's a half hour or less I don't see anything wrong with taking a friend with you because as far as he knows you two could have plans to go out after the meeting. I think if you show up with someone he will definitely get the message that you have no thoughts whatsoever to be alone with him. I am not really sure about the duration. It all depends on how much time the discussion takes. Also, he still hasn't picked a venue. My friends strictly told me not to go to his home if he asks to meet there. I am not really sure if I am supposed to suggest a venue or not. If so, Shouldn't I make sure it is not a place where we used to go?
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 (edited) Why not find a different web designer?? Why does it have to be the ex. Sounds silly to me... Also, you say you're over him. Well what if he's not over you??? You say it doesn't matter what he thinks? That's cold. I don't understand. Who broke up with who? This whole thread is very awkward... Edited June 3, 2014 by mtnbiker3000 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Why not find a different web designer?? Why does it have to be the ex. Sounds silly to me... Also, you say you're over him. Well what if he's not over you??? You say it doesn't matter what he thinks? That's cold. I don't understand. Who broke up with who? This whole thread is very awkward... Hey I guess you don't really know the whole situation. Ex dumped me 5 months ago on a text. After that, within a week he was flaunting a new girl on my face. All in all, it was a messy break up. Too messy to start with. 2 months later, I find out he still stalks my facebook and hasn't told his parents about our break up. You can say I have gone cold turkey since then but I don't really give a damn about his personal life anymore. Coming back to the main topic, when we were still together, he knew about the venture and had said he would help. He knows what we (me and my partners) want. Even though he is my Ex I wouldn't hesitate in saying he is the best designer out there. We have a contract and everything. So I guess you see where I am coming from. I have tried to keep it minimum. I have also contacted other designers. So basically Ex is designing our homepage thats it. I made sure that whatever help we take from him is minimum to the point. He being not over me makes me laugh actually. (no offense to you)! I really dont care if he is over me or not. Right now my main concern in my venture.
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Hey I guess you don't really know the whole situation. Ex dumped me 5 months ago on a text. After that, within a week he was flaunting a new girl on my face. All in all, it was a messy break up. Too messy to start with. 2 months later, I find out he still stalks my facebook and hasn't told his parents about our break up. You can say I have gone cold turkey since then but I don't really give a damn about his personal life anymore. Coming back to the main topic, when we were still together, he knew about the venture and had said he would help. He knows what we (me and my partners) want. Even though he is my Ex I wouldn't hesitate in saying he is the best designer out there. We have a contract and everything. So I guess you see where I am coming from. I have tried to keep it minimum. I have also contacted other designers. So basically Ex is designing our homepage thats it. I made sure that whatever help we take from him is minimum to the point. He being not over me makes me laugh actually. (no offense to you)! I really dont care if he is over me or not. Right now my main concern in my venture. With the history between you, maybe you should just go with the second best designer out there. Again this is just silly and makes no sense... 3
Author bubblesbursted Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 With the history between you, maybe you should just go with the second best designer out there. Again this is just silly and makes no sense... I am. Please read like I said We have a contract. Its a business venture I have kept everything minimum. As much as I can. I cant go and just break the contract now can I? The contract was made in January pre Break up. And I am going with 2 designers. the second one is the one doing the major work.!
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I cant go and just break the contract now can I? The contract was made in January pre Break up. You said he doesn't even want money for this job. Sounds like that contract doesn't mean much to him anymore. Obviously, it's your call, but you had a RS and a relatively 'messy' break up with this person, correct? So, why on earth do you want to keep in contact with him?? Are you trying to prove something?? Cause that what it sounds like... 1
stillafool Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I have to agree. Contracts are broken every day. Considering there is no money involved I doubt if your ex even wants to be involved. He may not want to because he has a new girl now and she may not like it. I think you should go with the 2nd best designer and leave your ex alone. I agree that this sounds a bit silly. I'm thinking he hasn't picked a venue because he doesn't want to do it. It really does seem a bit silly.
guest572 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Be your awesome self, be confident and professional and if the conversation strays from business bring it right back.
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